


what it takes to survive

by hundreddollarlarry



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: And thus, Butcher!Neil, Kevin and Allison are together in this, M/M, Raven!Neil, THIS FANFIC, idk - Freeform, not sure how it happened but it’s too late now, so i decided to be the hero i wanted to see in this world, tbh this is all stuff that I wanted in fanfic but wasnt quite there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-03-22 00:56:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 34
Words: 76,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13752867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hundreddollarlarry/pseuds/hundreddollarlarry
Summary: Raven!Neil fic, where he escapes not long after Kevin and brings himself and Jean to play for the foxes while having to live with the consequences of the deal that he made to keep them all safe.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s almost 3 am by the time that Andrew and Kevin make their way back to Abby’s house after an extraneous night practice. Well, extraneous for Kevin, Andrew had sat comfortably on the bleachers watching over his run away birdy. Kevin was relentless in pushing himself, dedicated to making sure he was ready to play again in the fall. 

The early June air was already balmy as summer rolled in. The school year had just ended, which should have meant that he got a break from the god forsaken sport- but Andrew knew that, unfortunately for him, his exy obsessed roommate already considered the fall season to have started. Although, for Kevin, his whole life was one long, grueling and never ending exy season. It was truly pathetic. 

Kevin stomped up the porch steps behind him, Andrew knew he was frustrated with his lack of progress, and by the news that they had just lost their much needed new striker, Janie Smalls. It was only Andrew’s own promise of protection that kept him from hitting the moping asshole himself. 

Turning the key in the lock and treating him was the unshakable feeling that something was not right. That something, someone, was out of place. He stopped right in the threshold, and the normally graceful Kevin slammed into his back. 

“Wha-“ Kevin started before Andrew stepped on his foot as a sign to shut the fuck up. He reached into his armbands, pulling out a knife with one hand, while reaching to flip the light switch with the other. 

“Jean?” Kevin startles, not heeding Andrew’s warning to keep his mouth shut. 

But sure enough right in Abby’s worn living room sat the Raven’s backliner, marked clearly by his dark good looks and the number 4 tattoo that donned his face. Andrew wonder’s briefly about his family in the next room, but he can, if he listens carefully, hear Nicky’s loud snoring from the guest room down the hall. If Nicky’s still sleeping, Aaron’s got to be okay. His focus is on the more immediate threat sitting right in front of him. 

“How? What? Where’s...” Kevin sputtered from behind Andrew from where he stood, still outside the house. Andrew refused to turn around, to take his eyes off the other Raven for a second, but he’d put money on Kevin being white as a sheet with shock. “How are you here?” 

“Kevin,” Moreau acknowledges. 

“I believe he asked you a question,” Andrew says, adrenaline pumping through him, ready for a fight. He’s mostly sober due to the late hour, thinking more clearly then he has for days. As he talks he doesn’t bother to keep his voice lowered. He notices the absence of snoring in the tense air. 

“Left the nest a week or so ago,” Moreau supplies, not very helpfully. 

“But how? And where’s Nathaniel?” Kevin asks. 

Huh. Nathaniel. That’s a new name, one that Kevin has yet to mention. He tucks it away to interrogate his ex-raven about later. 

Moreau just looks at them not saying anything. 

“Where’s Nate?” Kevin asks again, this time his voice a little more broken. Andrew hears the sound of foot steps. Once again Moreau ignores him. 

“You answer his questions, or you get a knife in your throat. Your call Frenchie,” Andrew drawls. Kevin let’s out a surprised huff when suddenly Andrew feels the unmistakable edge of a sharp knife being pressed to his side. 

“You don’t get to make threats here,” a cloying voice says in his right ear. He turns to the voice to find the clearest of blue eyes staring back at him. The boy has auburn hair, a dangerous smile, and the number three tattooed below his eyes. Andrew let out a curse, pissed at himself and unsure about how this kid got the drop on him. 

“Nate,” Kevin whimpered, and stepped around Andrew to finally enter the house. He tried to grab him, pull him away from the threats in the room but the knife pressed into his side breaking skin. 

“Nuh uh,” the blue eyed demon taunted. 

“Andrew?” A bleary eyed Nicky called from the hallway, looking, but not understanding the scene in front of him. Aaron came out behind him, more alert and more concerned. 

“Nate let him go,” Kevin demanded, being useful for once in his life. 

“Yeah Nate, let me go,” Andrew repeated, twisting to look at the kid and his awful bearing of teeth pretending to be a smile. 

“I don’t know that I will,” Nate taunts. But Moreau speaks in soft French and Nate sighs in response. 

“However, as my lovely partner just reminded me, knives are not conducive to the conversation that we are trying to start, so how about you put your knives away Minyard, and I’ll put away mine,” 

Andrew thought about his options and started to make a show about putting away his own knives. Nate was kind enough to keep his word and pull his knife away. When Andrew was sure the knife was far enough away he struck out with his fist, aiming for the kidney. But Nate was too fast managing to pin Andrew to the still open door frame, half out of the house. 

“Andrew-“ Nicky calls out, concerned. 

“Now, now,” Nate sneers, his smile pulling a little more genuinely amused. “I thought we agreed to conversation,” 

“I did no such thing,” Andrew informs the bastard. 

“Behave, or you won’t be invited to be apart of it anymore,” Nate warns. And, despite himself, Andrew can’t help but notice how attractive the man that has pinned down is. 

“Nate,” Kevin says again, because that’s apparently all he is capable of saying tonight. 

“You keep your hands to yourself and threats out of your mouth, and we won’t have any problems, now will we?” Nate asks, his awful smile reaching a crescendo of awfulness. 

Andrew nods, knowing that it’s his best option for now. The blue eyed demon lets him go, and Andrew pulls Kevin around him and stands by his family. He doesn’t know who this kid is, but he’s too good. Quick and quiet. It’s been a long time since Andrew has had reason to be afraid.  
Abby appears from the same hall way that Nicky and Aaron cane out of. 

“Oh good you’re here,” Nate says, “call Wymack tell him to get here ASAP,”  
Abby looks shocked but she follows the order easily. 

“Wymack? Why what’s going on Nate? How are you here?” 

Nate smiles and goes to sit next to his partner on Abby’s couch. 

“Don’t look so concerned Kev,” Nate tells him, his smile back in full force. “You should be excited. Me and Jean are going to become Foxes,”  
The noise Kevin made was almost inhuman.


	2. Chapter 2

Neil watches as the foxes stand in the crest of the hallway, sheltered behind Andrew like he was able to protect them. Which, if tonight has proved anything, Neil could easily get the drop on him. It’s a good thing he’s not here to hurt any of them. Well, not there to hurt anyone much at least. 

“You should be at The Nest,” Kevin gasps out. 

“A lot of people say the same about you,” Neil retorts. 

“Nate,” Kevin says, wounded. 

“It’s Neil now,” Jean informs.

“What?” Kevin asks from behind the interesting Minyard. 

Neil nods. “I left Nathaniel at the nest. It’s just Neil now,” 

“Nathaniel, Nate, Neil, whoever the fuck you are, you better start explaining,” The interesting Minyard demands. 

“Oh, I heard you were in the market for a striker,” Neil smirked. 

“You’re a backliner,” Kevin reminds him. 

“I’m whatever I need to be,” Neil retorts. “Plus I’ll have the best striker in the world to teach me. Between that and my natural talent, I’ll be threatening to take your spot in no time, number two,”  
Kevin scowls heavily. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” the other, less interesting Minyard says. 

“And yet, here we are,” 

“How,” Andrew demands. 

“Not yet, I’ll only tell this story once, so we will wait until your darling coach arrives,”  
Kevin keeps pestering him this questions, which he and Jean ignore. Neil looks around the room, at the comfortable living room of the comforting blonde team nurse, at the way that the Foxes leaned into each other for comfort. Even Kevin leaned into the comfort that the nurse provided, showing how comfortable he’d gotten here in such a short time. Too damn comfortable. Neil wonders what that’s like for a second, to feel safe around so many people. 

The only one that stood apart was Andrew, who looked ready to step in the moment anything looked off. Finally, after too long in the awkward air, two headlights looked to be pulling in the driveway. 

“Wymack,” Neil greets as the coach walked in the door and assessed the situation at play. 

“Who are you?” The coach asks in a gruff voice. 

“We are here to join the Foxes,” Neil explained, gesturing to him and Jean. Wymack eyed the tattoos in their faces. 

“I didn’t know we had become a halfway house for lost birds,” Andrew drawled out.

“I didn’t know either. Explain,” the coach demanded. Neil takes a deep breath.

“I’m here to be your new striker. Jean’ll be whatever you need him to be,” Neil tells them. “And I’m here to tell Kevin that he’s not going to be chased or bothered by The mater or Riko. That as long as he pays his dues with the main branch for his professional career and any endorsements, he is being allowed to live in peace and play the game that he loves,” Neil explains. 

Kevin looks shocked by this, as does Wymack. Andrew looks suspicious. 

“As long as we join the team that is,” Neil says. 

“How?” Kevin asks “Riko would never allow that, the master would never allow that,” 

“It wasn’t their call,” Neil informs him. Kevin looks impossibly more gobsmacked. “What you think I’d break you out without a way to get me and Jean out as well?” 

“You got him out?” The dark one in the back calls. Hemmick, backliner, Neil remembers, the worst one on the team. 

“Why would we believe that?” Andrew asks scornfully. 

“Because it’s the only way that Kevin gets free. Well, not free, you still have to give them 80% of what you make and do any endorsement deals that they get for you. But he gets to be as free as any of us get to be,” Neil answers, gesturing once again to him and Jean. 

“And Why would two members of the previous perfect court have to run from your all powerful king in the first place?” Andrew asks. 

Neil levels him a look, one that he doesn’t flinch away from. Interesting. 

“Let’s not pretend that we don’t all know what Riko is. He’s a psychopath. Kevin got off easy, compared to us. He knows it too,” Kevin looks miserable, but he doesn’t disagree. The truths scrape him as he lets them out, too raw, too vulnerable. He doesn’t show it on his face, but Jean still knows, still leans into him for comfort. 

“How did they let this happen?” Kevin asks. 

“You all know about the main branch and the side branch,” he waits for them all to nod. “The main branch claimed us, after they saw what happened to you. I let them know that if we stayed, we would die, that Riko would kill us and we would be of no value dead. They saw my point and they set us free. With conditions of course,” 

“Of course,” Andrew says. Neil hates telling the truth, hates how it leaves him vulnerable. But he knows he needs to for this to work. And Ichirou already approved these small truths. 

“And you’ve already assumed we’d have you?” The boring Minyard spits out. 

“I know you need us. We're the best of the best. And we want to play for you,” Neil says looking at the coach. 

“He can play?” The coach asked Kevin. 

“Yeah. He’s good,” Kevin informs him. The coach nods. 

“No,” Andrew says. 

Neil smiles. “Don’t be stubborn. I promise not to hurt your precious charges. If you are nice I might even teach you a couple of cool tricks,” 

“No,” is all Andrew says again. 

“Nate- Neil, would never hurt me. He’s always had my back. He’s the one that got me out of The Nest in the first place,” 

“Why haven’t I heard of him?” Andrew asks. 

“I’m a freshman. I was supposed to debut this year. Now I’ll debut as a Fox,” Neil explains. Andrew nods, just slightly. Neil can see his hands start to shake slightly. Must be those meds Neil’s heard about. 

“I need to talk to the captain, and I need to see you play,” Wymack says and Neil nods, taking it for the yes that it was. 

“For the sake of honesty, I should let you know that I’m not all yours. The deal came with certain terms. I’ll still be working for the main branch. I’m apart of the transition team, if you will. Helping the little lord train to become the new boss,” Neil warns them, using the phrasing that him and Ichirou agreed on. “I will have to miss some practices, be out at weird hours. But it will never effect a game or how I play.” 

“What kind of work?” Wymack asks, eyes squinting a little. He knows enough to be wary. 

“Just some translation work,” Neil shrugs. Wymack nods. 

“I don’t make a habit of getting involved with my players personal lives,” Wymack says evenly, though Neil can see the curiosity in his eyes. 

“Good. Now that that’s settled I think it’s time that Jean and I get going. We’ll see you tomorrow morning at 10 on the court. Make sure your captain is there,” Neil orders as he gets to his feet. 

“She’s leaving tomorrow in the afternoon for a few months. Classes just ended and she’s packing up the dorms,” Wymack tells him. Nike is surprised that they’d let their captain leave at all, but that’s probably years and evermore talking. 

“Perfect. She can spare an hour. It won’t take long to convince her,” Neil says as he walks out the door. He walks up the street, Jean at his side up to where they parked the car. He’s looking forward to going back to the suite with the comfortable bed and sleeping in a little. 

“Think it worked?” Jean asks him in French. 

“Yeah. Yeah I think it just might have,” 

 

——————————

 

Andrew wakes Kevin up by poring a glass of cold water on him at 6 in the morning. It’s Kevin’s least favorite way to be woken up, and thus Andrew’s favorite way to wake him. He deserved it after the night that he put them through. 

Kevin startles awake, swearing in Japanese. 

He relaxes when he sees it’s just Andrew standing over him. Big mistake. Andrew pours a second glass of water on him. 

“What the fuck,” Kevin sputters. 

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been wondering,” Andrew tells him. He knows his manic smile speaks to the drugs he’s on. Kevin notices and flinches. “What was that last night?” 

“I don’t know,” Kevin says, wet and still sleepstruck. “Really Andrew I don’t know. Nate was property like Jean. He’s been there since I was 13. He dad gave him up to them when he was ten and he’s been in The Nest ever since, training as a backliner. He’s always been like a little brother to me and Riko. Well, he was until Riko started to change. He always got the raw end of the stick. But really. I don’t know how he could’ve talked the main branch into letting all of us leave. He translated for them sometimes, but I had no idea he had this kind of pull.” 

Andrew listens as the words poor out of Kevin’s mouth. He didn’t disbelieve them. What Kevin was saying was probably right, but Kevin’s always been too one track minded on exy. He doubted Kevin knew the full story, mostly because Kevin wasn’t smart enough to pay attention to the whole story. 

“Andrew? What does this mean for our promise? I’m free now, are you going to-“ 

“I don’t believe him. I’ll protect you until I see reason not to,” Andrew tells him. Kevin nods, but doesn’t look relieved by the renewed promise. It speaks to the trust Kevin must have in the kid. 

Andrew nods at him then leaves the room without saying another word. 

He goes to the outside to smoke until he hears Abby puttering around in the kitchen. He goes inside to watch her make breakfast as he sips the coffee she hands him. She seems to have recovered from last night, seeming unconcerned that her home was broken into. Aaron and Nicky come out of their room at 8 to eat. They ask Andrew questions that he ignores. Then the move on to throwing insults, which he glares at them for. They shut up after that. 

Kevin comes out not long after, looking dry but pissed off. He eats his eggs and then insists on getting to the court early. Andrew nods, not putting up any fight. He wants to get there before the blue eyed demon shows. 

Andrew watches, bored as Kevin forces Nicky and Aaron to practice for the next hour. It’s not until Wymack and Dan arrive, home posey in tow behind them. He arches a brow at Renee, but it’s Renyolds that answer. 

“What you’d think that we would miss this?” She asks her own brow arched. She looks more comfortable then usual, in loser fitting jeans then she normally wear, with sneakers instead of heels. The sneakers probably cost just as much as those red bottom weapons she always wears on her feet. The whole team looks more casual then usual with the move out/ travel day. 

Renee walks over to Andrew. “Heard you had quite the night last night,” 

“It was,” Andrew pauses to find the right word. “Interesting” 

She nods and they sit in silence, listening to Wymack regale them with the tale of last night. 

“Your saying that he got the drop on Andrew?” Seth questions, clearly excited at the prospect. The Foxes look at Andrew, shocked. He stared right back at them, they started to look away, creeped out by his grin. 

“What like it’s hard?” A voice that Andrew is really starting to detest calls out, from high above them. Neil and Jean sit, watching tb from the highest bleachers. 

“How long have you been there?” Nicky asks, as shocked as the rest of them. Neil gets up and starts towards them, his ever present shadow following behind. 

“You need to work on your aim,” the blue eyed demon says, clearly he was there for a while, watching as Nicky threw the ball aimlessly, just trying to keep Kevin from getting near the goal. 

“See” Kevin agrees. He’d been telling Nicky to work on precision since the day he arrived. Nicky huffs. 

“Someone seems to have a nasty habit of breaking in,” Andrew says, not taking his eyes off of Neil as he steps onto the outer court. 

“Breaking in?” Neil asks, eyes wide, his whole body suddenly changing, making himself look young and innocent. As if he didn’t break into a place Andrew considered his for the second time. 

“How” Andrew demands. 

“Again, was it supposed to be difficult to break in?” 

“You didn’t say he was hot,” Reynolds said casually. He sees Nicky, and even Matt nod in agreement to her assessment. Neil smiles again, but it’s different from any other he’s seen. It’s pure seduction, and his body morphs with it, his strut lose yet purposeful as he lets himself into the inner court. It’s a walk that screams that he knows you want him. 

Who the fuck is this kid? He fights like no one Andrew has ever seen, breaks into his space, manages to change his entire appearance without changing himself physically. 

“Even you couldn’t afford me, Reynolds,” the kid draws out. He see’s Nicky practically salivating, Matt’s jaw has literally dropped. Even Seth seems reluctantly impressed by the show. Alison looks off-put by the response, a feeling Andrew shares. Neil turns to Kevin. “Besides, I was always the best at hide and seek wasn’t I, big brother?” 

Everyone looks put off by that. Everybody but Kevin. Who stands with a soft find smile. 

“Yeah you were,” Kevin says, lost in a memory. Jean snorts, for once looking amused instead of dower. Andrew forgot he was here, too focused on the too pretty blue eyed demon. 

“We year to reminisce on good times or are we here for a try out?” Wymack finally speaks up. 

“Why not both?” Neil asks. 

“Get changed,” Wymack orders. “Sticks and pass are in the supply closet, Matt will show you were they are. Renee change with them, you’re in goal,”  
“Pads?” Neil questions, not so much confused but more in wonder at the concept of protective pads. Kevin says something to him in soft French, his eyes looking sad. Neil just smiles, a real one this time and responds in Japanese. Him and his shadow follow Matt and Renee into the locker room. 

“Explain,” Andrew demands Kevin. Levin sighs, still looking sad. 

“The master would punish him by making him play without pads,” Kevin tells them. They all blanch, all of them putting themselves in the kids shoes. None of them would ever want to go onto the court without pads, too many people slamming into them, with the potential of the hard rubber ball hitting them. 

“Wasn’t he a backliner?” Nicky asked. 

“Yeah,” Kevin answers, looking a little lost in bad memories. 

“Jesus,” Nicky says and they all flinch once more. They all ruminate on that until they hear Matt’s laugh echo through the hallway as he and Neil and Neil’s shadow walk towards the rest of the foxes. Matt’s looking at Neil, like he’s half in love with him already. He’d say his dear captain should be worried, but she’s looking at him, smiling softly at the pure joy in her boyfriend’s face. It’s disgusting. 

“Can we keep him?” Matt asks like a child spotting a stray. “We should keep them,” 

“We still haven’t seen them play,” Aaron reminds him. “Maybe they're terrible,” 

They are not terrible. Neil very good. Very very good. Quick and sneaky. Not afraid to get aggressive, take on players that manage to dwarf him. He’s precise and flexible, moving his body to make impossible plays. He’s not a striker, but he manages to score against Renee twice, and he feeds Kevin the ball so expertly and so unexpectedly that Kevin scored half a dozen times. 

Jean is good too, acting as dealer. His passes are sharp and he has the body mass to keep Aaron and Nicky contained. They work as a powerful three, shouting directions to each other in French, clearly used to being in a league of their own. 

“Holy shit,” Matt says, watching them stunned. Now Dan is the one with the dreamy smile on her face, already imagining the glorious season ahead of her. 

They stop after Neil and Kevin both score another goal apiece. Despite the fact the Neil was the most active out of all of them he’s not even the slightest out of breath when he looks at Aaron. 

“Well? Can I play?” He asks. Aaron just glared, too out of breath to ask. 

“Holy shit dude, you are so good!” Matt exclaims. He’s an idiot. 

“They don’t just give these out for nothing,” Neil replies, pointing at his number three tattoos. “Nicky, you need to actually look where you are throwing it, you are so panicked to get it away from the goal, that half the time you just throw it blindly. You need to make sure that you are aiming to someone, or it’s just going to end up back in your area,” 

Everyone looks taken aback at the helpful advice that came out of the kids mouth. They were so used to Kevin’s barked out demands they didn’t know what to do the Neil’s sincerity. 

“And why should he listen to you?” Aaron demands. Jean glares at him and mutters something in French under his breath that has Neil smiling. 

“He’s been training freshman since he was 13,” Kevin informs them. Everyone looks impressed.

“Why the hell would a 18 year old listen to a preteen?” Seth questions, like he couldn’t imagine what he’d do if a 13 year old cane onto the court right now and started telling him what to do. 

“It was me training them or the master. They learned the hard way that I was better,” Neil shrugged. “And. I outranked them,” he says, pointing once again to his cheek. He said it like it was the end of the argument. And knowing how the ravens worked, it was. He can’t imagine being a thirteen year old with that much power. 

“It’s better then what Kevin does,” Nicky says. Kevin doesn’t bother to look offended by that. 

“Well?” Neil asks looking between the coach and Dan. 

“You can play,” Wymack give him. 

“But can we play for the Foxes?” Neil asks. Dan gives the coach a nod. 

“Yeah, kid. You’re both in,” Wymack tells them. “You can stay with Abby over the summer. Can’t move in until summer session officially starts,” 

“We have a hotel, but thanks. It’ll be me and Jean in the fall. Unless Kevin?” Neil asks looking at the striker. Kevin opens his mouth and looks at Andrew. At Andrew’s head shake Kevin tells them.

“I’ll stick with Andrew,” Kevin says. Neil narrows his eyes. 

“Your funeral, big brother,” Neil says. And it’s Andrew’s turn to narrows his eyes at the term of endearment. 

“The paperwork’s upstairs. Follow me. I have to let the president know,” Wymack tells them. They follow him. As they go Neil turns around giving Kevin a smile that screams victory. Andrew hates it as he memorizes it to add to his ever growing mental catagory of the blue eyed demon’s smiles. 

He hate the smile Kevin gives Neil back even more.


	3. Chapter 3

Neil gets the call on his burner as he’s heading downstairs from his new coach’s office. Jean presses closer to him in comfort, knowing the ring by now and the anxiety it pulls out in Neil. He answers in Japanese. 

“Hello?” Andrew’s looks suspicious past his drugged smile from where he’s waiting down the stairs with Aaron, Nicky and Kevin. Neil is starting to think that that’s his permanent state. Kevin looks up, confused by the language change. 

“Nathaniel,” Ichirou greats him. “I trust everything’s going well in your new home?” 

“Yes, my lord,” Neil tells him. Kevin’s eyes widen as he realizes who Neil’s talking to. Andrew seems even more suspicious about Neil’s sudden respectful tone.   
“I have just officially signed with them. Day is in good health and keeping himself ready for the next season, and they are keeping me and Jean a secret until your go ahead with the announcement,” 

Kevin gulps when he hears his name mentioned.

“What is he saying?” Nicky asks Kevin. Kevin ignores him. 

“Good, Good,” Ichirou says. “You are needed in New York,” 

Neil tenses up. He knew it was coming as soon as the phone rang, but his heart still pounds when he hears the news. Jean’s hand goes to his lower back and Neil leans into his best friend’s comfort

“Yes my lord,” he says, not letting the panic take hold. “May I ask for how long?” 

“Just got the night and tomorrow morning. You should be back to your new home by the afternoon,” 

Neil feels a little relieved. It’s only one night. How bad can it be if it’s just one night? Pretty fucking bad, if he’s being honest with himself. He hedges, not sure what kind of work he should be preparing himself for. And he doesn’t want to ask in front of Kevin.

“What should I pack for?” Neil asks. 

“Nothing too extraneous. A couple of suits and whatever you need to feel protected,” 

“Thank you, my lord,” Neil says. So. It’s going to be that kind of night. He doesn’t know what’s worse, translation jobs or cleaning jobs. He brushes against his lucky switchblade in his pocket, and it comforts him, as does Jean’s solid presence behind him, always watching his back. 

“A car will be waiting outside your hotel in 45 minutes. Don’t miss your flight,” 

“Yes, my lord,” he replies. But Ichirou has already hung up. 

Jean presses his hand onto his back as a question. 

“Just translation work,” he tells him in French. 

“It’s never just translation work with him,” Jean replies. 

“What does that mean?” Kevin asks. “Nate, what have you gotten yourself into?” 

“English now,” Andrew demands. 

“Duty calls,” Neil tells Andrew glibly, ignoring Kevin. “I’ll be out of town tonight, but I’ll be back in tomorrow afternoon. Practice then?” 

Kevin nods and holds his tongue, but Neil can feel Kevin’s eyes burrowing into him. 

“The others left to catch their flights, but they wanted me to tell you that it was cool meeting you,” Nicky tells him. 

Neil nods, too preoccupied by the thought of what’s ahead of him that night. He lets himself start to drift, trusting Jean to get him what he needs and get him where to go. He’s grown used to having to take charge of Neil before jobs. When Neil either shuts down and floats, or succumbs to panic. So he feels Jean’s familiar hands lead him until he’s where he needs to be. A bag is put in his hands and he’s put on a flight. 

He’s doesn’t come back to himself until the pilot of the privet jet is announcing that they are getting ready to land in upstate New York. Neil is surprised by this. He thought Ichirou meant his townhouse in the city, not the family estate in the country. He lands on the private strip. The house is lit up for a party, even though it’s still bright outside with the 3 pm sun. Neil takes in the stunning mansion as he walks up. He’s only been there twice before, and never during the day. 

Ichirou is nowhere to be found, but Neil is led up to a bedroom by a man in a nice suit. There’s a note on the bed instructing Neil to wait for his lord, on his bed. Naked. 

Neil starts stripping out of the suit that Jean dressed him in, moving as quickly as possible to get the distasteful task over. There is a giant mirror on a vanity across the bed, and Neil is forced to look at himself, naked and loathing what he sees staring back at him. The clock on the wall says that he waits fifteen minute before the door opens and the little lord Ichirou Moriyama stands in the door way, gazing apathetically at his property stretched out naked in his bed. 

“You look well, Nathaniel,” Ichirou tells him. Neil can feel Ichirou’s eyes scraping over his body. He still has bruises on his hips from the last time he was ordered into Ichirou’s bed. 

“As do you, my lord,” Neil tells him, respectfully bowing his head. 

“We can’t get too carried away,” Ichirou tells him, smiling softly. “I really do need you to translate tonight, we are hosting a multicultural affair. We can still, however, have some fun,” 

Neil makes himself smile back. 

And it’s not awful, it’s really not. Ichirou is gentle in taking Neil apart, never too rough even though he could be. He makes sure that Neil gets taken care of, that he’s thoroughly prepped before he enters him. He always makes Neil come before him. 

But Neil hates it. Hates how his body gets lost in chemicals, hates how he wants to cling to Ichirou, of all people when it’s over. Hates most of all how empty he feels after. Like Ichirou took parts of him he didn’t know he had to give. 

Sometimes he wishes it was rough, that he wasn’t so tangled up and torn by it. After Ichirou has finished, he stays in him, wrapped up in him. Part of Neil just wants is a burning hot shower and his own bed, but another part welcomes the intimacy of it after being blown apart. He wants to reach into his guts and pull out that awful part of himself. 

When Ichirou finally pulls out, Neil can feel Ichirou's cum running down his leg. He wants to throw up. Ichirou kisses the back of his neck before getting up and ordering his to take a shower. 

Neil finally gets up when Ichirou leaves. He looks at himself in the big vanity mirror and sees more bruises on his hips, and some fresh hickeys lining his neck and scarred chest. He wishes he could scrub them off. He nonsensically tries when he gets in the shower. It doesn’t work. They are only more red and raw when Neil gets out. 

Despite the dead feeling ravaging him, it’s an easy night, all fake smiles and polite translations. He sticks by Ichirou’s side, and gets both curious and jealous looks for it from the other guests. He translates Russian, Chinese, French, Dutch, and one particularly thick accented Irishman. 

His uncle texts him on his burner, telling him to represent the family well, and to not piss off anyone too important. But he’s too raw to go off on anyone, and no one really says anything that manages to piss him off. 

But when the night is wrapping up Ichirou dismisses him to his own room, seemingly content with that they’ve already done that night.

It’s an easy morning too. He blows Ichirou on the same bed in the room with the big mirror. 

“You served me well last night,” the little lord tells him after he’s emptied himself in Neil’s mouth. Neil swallows the bitterness and smiles the smile he created just for Ichirou. 

“And did I serve you well this morning?” He asks. Ichirou chuckles. 

“Yes now get out of here before I have ideas for how you can serve me again,” Ichirou orders, voice half playful. He leans in kissing Neil one last time. The second Neil turns his back to him, Ichirou’s smile is gone from his face.   
He lets himself drift once more when he gets on the plane back. 

Jean is waiting for him outside of the hotel where the car drops him off. 

“Are you hurt?” Jean asks. He hesitates before touching Neil, only reaching for him when Neil nods in permission. 

“It was just translating. Nothing happened,” he says. Jean pokes at a hickey high up on his neck. 

“It’s never nothing with them,” Jean tells him. 

“Maybe. But it’s done for now,” Neil tells him, more confident then he really feels. 

“My friend, you can talk to me about it,” Jean implores him. If Neil talks about it, he’s going to puke. Jean’s the only one who knows the whole truth. He’s probably the only one who’s willing to stay with him after learning the whole truth, after learning the deplorable things Neil will do to survive. But talking about the details would be like swallowing poison, and he’s already swallowed too much of that today. 

“Enough,” Neil orders. Jean sighs but leads him up to the room, draws a bath for him, and gives him silent company while he soaks. 

————————————

Neil’s too quite, Andrew notices as he watches him, Kevin, and Jean out on the court. Jean’s been hovering around him all afternoon. And Neil’s brilliant eyes are dull. And Andrew is interested, despite himself. 

He’s never seen Kevin like this though, just solidly thrilled to be on the court. He’s comfortable with them in a way that he’s never been with Andrew.   
Andrew closes his eyes and wonders when he’ll lose him. He’s never really had Kevin, never really wanted him in the first place. But it’ll be weird still. To see him go. Andrew’s got some things to confirm about Neil’s story before he gives him over. But, if Andrew is being honest with himself, he’s inclined to believe the blue eyed. Or at least how he seems to be suffering from the work he did last night. The work for the main branch that Neil’s implied is setting birds 2,3,4 free. If there is anything in the world that Andrew trusts, it’s suffering. 

Suddenly a shadow overcomes him. He looks up to see birdy number 3 standing over him. Andrew doesn’t understand how he looks good, even at this angle. Andrew smiles a drugged grin at Neil, but the boy doesn’t flinch. Interesting. 

“Go get Aaron and Nicky,” Neil demands. 

“Why would I do that?” Andrew asks. Kevin is still on the court trying to get call he ball past Jean into the goal. 

“I’m here now, and everyone needs to get up to speed on the drills,” Neil says like it’s just that easy. “I’d offer to go get them myself, but I don’t think you’d go for it,” 

“No” Andrew tells him. “Fuck off,” 

“What do I have to do for you to get them?” Neil asks him. 

“I want nothing,” Andrew tells him.

“Everyone wants something,” Neil says. Andrew tilts his head. He realizes that there is one thing. 

“Come to Columbia with us this weekend. Just you, no shadow,” Andrew tells him. 

“What’s in Columbia?” He asks. 

“A dinner, a club, our house,” Andrew informs him. 

“What’s the catch?” Neil asks. 

“No catch, just new teammates getting to know each other,” Andrew replies breezily. 

Neil thinks about it. It’s quiet for a minute before he looks over to Jean. 

“Fine, but only if you learn all the drills too,” Neil agrees. 

“What drills?” Andrew asks. Neil nods over to where Jean and Kevin are on the court, taking down cones with rebounding balls. 

“There’s 8 of them. In the nest you don’t get to even think about getting into a game without mastering all of them. It’s past time you all were taught,” 

Andrew thinks about it. Knows it’s his only shot at getting the information that he needs. He sighs and gets up. Neil takes it for the agreement that it is. 

Nicky and Aaron look at him confused when he orders them to get changed for court. But they do what he says, following him into his car after we gets changed himself. 

It’s not until Neil is showing them patiently the first drill that he wonders what the fuck he got himself into. 

“C’mon Andrew,” Kevin implores “take this seriously,” 

“Who besides you freaks has the record for learning them?” Andrew asks. 

“Thea,” Kevin says with evident pride. “Took her under two dozen times to learn and master each,” 

“Show me again,” Andrew orders Neil. He goes through it again, and Andrew watches closely, cataloging move makes with his perfect body with his own perfect memory. It takes his body two tries to catch up to how his mind is knows the drill is supposed to go. On his third serious attempt he nails it, striking every cone that Neil shouts out in perfect order. He raises an eyebrow to Neil, who smiles that rare guinine smile of his and nods in dismissal. Everyone else looks shocked as Andrew goes back to the bleachers to nap, but for once, they keep their mouths shut. 

The rest of the practice continues, with Aaron grumbling about having to do “shit for brain raven drills” He’s picking it up faster then Nicky, though. It’s not until Nicky manages to hit two cones in a row that Neil and Kevin call it quits.   
Andrew follows them into the locker room, wanting to change out of his athletic gear and back into his standard blacks. He refuses to watch Neil change, not wanting to see, what has to be a great body under his clothes. 

“Damn Neil,” Nicky exclaims. Andrew looks over, not thinking. He’s not sure if Nicky is remarking in the scars that mar Neil’s body, the fit and gorgeous body itself, or the hickeys and bruises on his chest and neck and hips. His scars horrifying to be honest. But Andrew’s attention is caught the bruises and lines of hickeys.   
Kevin barks something out in rapid French, looking shocked. 

“English,” Andrew demands. 

“I’m not,” Neil answers to whatever French Kevin threw at him. 

“Your neck says otherwise,” Kevin says. 

“I’m with someone. Kind of. Just drop it Kevin,” Neil says. 

“You’ve never once looked at anyone that way, Neil. What changed?” Kevin asks, in full big brother mode. 

“Let it drop Kevin,” Jean warns. Neil is bright red at this point. Aaron makes eye contact with him over Neil’s shoulder from the other side of the room, and quirks up a brow. 

“But-“ Kevin complains.

“I’m with someone. I’d think you’d be happy for me big brother,” Neil says smirking despite his dead eyes. He walks swiftly away from Kevin’s curious eyes and into the shower. 

Andrew ignores the sinking feeling in his chest as he watches him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some really great feedback on the last chapters. Thanks everyone for commenting!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Neil wakes up. Goes for a run. Wakes up Jean, goes to the gym. Goes to court to practice with Kevin and Jean while an apathetic Andrew watches on. Andrew leaves to pick them up a late lunch and get his brother and cousin. After they eat, Neil runs through the first drill, inching Nicky closer and closer to mastering it. Rinse and repeat for the rest of the week. After growing up in the nest, Neil likes routine, and he lets himself sink into this one. Kevin looks happy to be there. Jean looks worried for Neil. Andrew looks apathetic to it all under his drugged smile. 

Every once in a while Kevin gets this look on his face and opens his mouth to ask Neil something, when Andrew will step in, distracting him. But that’s fine with Neil. 

Neil’s surrounded by his small family, they are safe from Riko and the horrors of the nest and his days are filled with the game they all love. Neil’s more then a little lost in the simple pleasure of it. 

So if course it all goes to shit when his burner rings Thursday evening as they are cleaning up after practice. Neil’s still wet from the shower, so he wipes his slightly trembling hand on the towel before taking the call. Jean stumbles out of the shower area, still naked sudsy. Kevin pops up behind him, as does Nicky. The three naked boys with various of degrees of concern on their face should look ridiculous. Too bad Neil’s in no mood to laugh. Andrew and Aaron sit on the benches, both of them already dressed.

“Hello,” he says in Japanese. All eyes on him. 

“You know I hate it when you start in Japanese,” his uncle answers him. 

“Uncle Stewart,” he greats. Kevin looks confused. Jean looks relieved. He’s under the impression that Stewart’s calls aren’t as terrible. He’s wrong, all calls are terrible, just in different ways. But Neil doesn’t correct him. 

“We need you in Moscow for a couple of days, kid,” his uncle tells him. 

“For the main branch?” Neil asks. Nicky and Aaron seem surprised by the English.   
Andrew’s grin grows more manic. 

“Branch business and family business,” Stewart clarifies. “They need us to clear out an old faction of the Bravata. I’m sorry Nate, I know you are trying to get settled. I wouldn’t call unless I was sure that we needed you. We could do it without you if we had to,” 

He picks up on what Stewart isn’t saying. That Neil was shaped into a monster by monsters. That he was trained by the best of his father’s people. It’s an ugly truth, but it’s ruthless in its efficiency when it comes to finishing the ugly jobs. 

“Is it a favor or an order?” Neil asks. He’ll go either way. But he needs to know. His uncle sighs. 

“We’re family kid, it’s not supposed to be quid pro quo,” 

“An order or a favor?” Neil repeats. His uncle sighs once more. 

“A favor,” Stewart says. 

“Okay,” Neil says. Jean shakes his head in disapproval, already knowing exactly what’s going on and annoyed at Neil for saying yes. But Neil’s learned to horde every favor he can get. Has learned the hard way what happens when you ask for too much without them padding your way. “How long?”

“A week at most,” Stewart tells him. There’s no way he can leave for a week. The foxes are due back for summer practice at the end of next week. 

“I’ll get it done in three days and debrief in London on the forth. I’ll leave that night,” Neil’s tone is an unmistakable order. He wonders how many people have been bold enough to turn that tone on his uncle. “and I’ll be running point,” 

“Fine,” his uncle concedes. “I’ll get your ticket. The next flight out isn’t until 9 tonight,” 

“That’s fine I needs to pack,” Neil says.

“Someone will pick you up from the airport,” Stewart says before hanging up. 

“Clean up in Moscow,” he tells Jean in French. Jean nods, still looking mostly disapproving and only a little concerned. 

“Clean up?” Kevin asks in French, knowing just enough to be concerned. “Since when? And since when do you talk to the Hartford’s?” 

“We both know you already know the answer to that,” Neil snaps at him. Before Andrew can snap at them he tells the others in English “gotta job in Moscow. I’ll be gone for four days. Maybe five,” 

“Oh Moscow?” Nicky asks, tone too light “fancy,” 

“You’ve clearly never been to Moscow,” Neil scoffs. Though thinking about it, the city probably has nice parts. He’s only ever been to the underbelly of the city. It was one of the worst Neil’s ever seen. And he’s seen a lot of seedy underbellies. 

“So no Columbia?” Andrew asks. 

“Can’t. Work trumps everything besides games,” Neil says. Kevin has the bad grace to look annoyed by that. “Next weekend though. I will hold up my end of the deal,”   
Andrew nods, still looking suspicious. 

They all finish up quickly and part ways, Neil and Jean back to the hotel so Neil can pack. 

“Wish I could go with you,” Jean tells him as he watches Neil sort through the big duffle that contains almost everything he owns. He pulls out his raven blacks and stuffs them into his smaller carry on. They aren’t his colors anymore, but he’s still found them useful in his line of work. 

“That’s a dumb thing to say,” Neil tells him, somewhat harshly. Jean sighs, but doesn’t disagree. “You’ll watch over Kevin?”

“He doesn’t deserve it,” Jean says, still bitter about how he left. And about how Kevin was treated better in the nest. And about how he and Neil are property and Kevin’s not. Really Jean is just bitter about Kevin’s existence. Most of the time, Neil doesn’t blame him. They both love him, they both would kill or die for him. But there’s still bitterness from both of them. Jean keeps his anger closer, lets it out. Neil shoved it down and pretend it doesn’t exist. 

After all he still remember a 13 year old Kevin extending his hand out to a ten year old Neil after he was knocked to the ground by Riko. He still remembers Kevin telling him they were going to be brothers. And that’s always been enough reason for Neil to shove his feelings down to focus on Kevin. 

“Just watch after him,” Neil asks sitting on the floor, leaning against Jean’s legs from where they dangle off the bed. “For me,” 

“I’ll make sure the coward doesn’t do anything stupid,” Jean tells him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Neil reaches up and squeezes it once before going to the hotel safe and pulling out all four of his handguns and putting them in his carry on. 

He and Jean kill time before it’s time to go. He gets through security with his gun filled carry on, his special Moriyama passport clearing the way. 

He manages to get some sleep on the long flight to Moscow. But mostly he makes sure that he memorizes the info packet that his uncle sent him through email, that outlines the perimeters of the job. It’s seven people, holed up in a run down apartment building in Moscow. The neighborhoods in a bad enough spot that they don’t have to worry about cover. The problem is just the amount of men. If it were just four, Neil could handle it himself, easy breezy. But them amount of them means he’s going to have to get backup, or get creative. 

By the time he’s touched down in Moscow he has a pretty solid plan brewing. 

Charlie’s the one that picks him up from the airport, which surprises him. He didn’t realize how bad the Hatfords needed to get this right. They must need it to go well, if they have the heir apparent of the whole clan picking him up. He’s surprised that Stewart still let him run point. But he’s guessing that he has a better chance of weathering Ichirou’s rage then his dear cousin. 

“You look well,” Charlie greats him as they walk to her rental. 

“Everyone says that, but I really don’t think I look any different,” Neil tells her. 

“Trust me, you do. Much better then when we saw you for the first time after you got out,” Jamie shudders. Neil supposed she might be right. The master had starved him for a couple weeks in retaliation for helping Kevin escape. That plus the savage beating Riko gave him when he found out. He hadn’t even wanted to get his mother’s family involved, but he’d run out of options. It’d been for the best really. It’d taken him a month to fully recover and he hated every second of it. 

Charlie had been with Stewart in the get away car when they stumbled out of the nest, with Jean half dragging him out. It couldn’t have been pretty. It was a rough introduction to the cousin he’d never met. 

Neil just shrugs. The ride is long and boring. He passes it by giving Charlie the courtesy of knowing his plan first. 

“Nate, what the fuck,” she exclaims, brow furrowed. 

“Just get all the pieces in place, Jamie. I’ll do the rest,” he tries to comfort. 

By the blown away look on her face, he isn’t sure that he’s succeeded.

The job goes as planned, it’s messy but he runs out, relatively fine. They fly back home after 3 days. It’s a long flight, and Charlie is no longer speaking to him. 

She has the decency to wait until they are in Stewart’s home office before blowing up on him. 

“The levels of fucking recklessness this, goddamn fucking idiot pulled are totally uncalled for,” she exclaims at their uncle. 

“Did the job get done?” Neil asks her, knowing the answer already. “Did we lose anyone?”

“We almost lost you!” She screams like that matters. “Four separate times!” 

“I had it handled,” Neil tells his uncle. 

“You got lucky,” Charlie screeches. 

“What did you do?” Stewart asks. 

“A couple of them had a fondness for sharing boys between them,” Neil shrugs. “It was an easy in,” 

It was an easy job, despite the amount of them. It wasn’t fun, letting himself get yanked around, having to act a lot younger then he was. It left a bad taste in his mouth, sure, but still. It’s a lot easier to kill a man when they have their dick out. Neil had learned that at a young age. Once the three were down, the other four were pretty easy. 

Stewart shutters. He knows about his deal with Ichirou. He’s even benefiting from the deal with Ichirou, him and the rest of his mother’s family. But Stewart still has the gull to disapprove of it. 

“You’re dismissed,” Stewart says, clearly pissed. He watches Neil start to limp out.   
“Get yourself cleaned up,” 

Neil’s got a black eye, a few new cuts he’s sure will add to his scar collection. The most annoying is the bone bruise he has on the back of his right thigh by his knee. It was a bitch to run with it. It’ll continue being a bitch as he resumes practice. 

But over all, it was a successful trip. 

——————————— 

“You never said anything about an uncle,” Andrew scolds Kevin. It’s late, Neil’s been gone for four days. It’s been quite and Andrew hates how his thoughts keep turning back to the blue eyed demon. Kevin is watching an old exy game in the room they share in Abby’s house. “I thought you said you told me everything you knew,” 

“I didn’t think it was important. They were this fantasy for him. Something his mother told him about as a kid, these mythical mobsters in England. I didn’t know they were real. He used to claim that they were going to come and save him one day. That they would rescue him from the nest, and that he would take us with him. I never thought,” Kevin says, blinking away the memory. “I never thought that they’d ever acatully come,” 

Andrew’s half sober and exhausted by it. But if anyone asks, he doesn’t fall asleep that night thinking about Neil’s legs. 

Nicky insists on tagging along when he and Kevin arrive at court the next morning. Aaron tags along, as habit more then anything. They find Jean and Neil already there and suited up. Nicky gasps when he sees them. 

“Jesus Nate, your face,” Kevin exclaims. He walks up to Neil and grabs his chin. Neil flinches at first, then allows it. 

Kevin has a point. Neil’s pretty face is all busted up: his lips are split in two places, he has a black eye and several shallow cuts on his face. The whole thing is horribly bruised. The fact that he’s still attractive is disgusting to Andrew. 

“Someone must’ve been real unhappy with your translations,” Andrew draws out. Neil looks at him and smiles, then winces as it pulls the cuts on his lips and cheeks. Kevin pulls Neil’s face back to look at his own and speaks in rapid French. 

Neil answers in the same language, smiling despite the pain it must be causing. Kevin seems enraged by whatever he’s saying, practically spitting at him. Jean offers something in a calm voice and Andrew’s had about enough. 

“English,” he demands. 

“No need, let’s start,” Neil says, ripping his face out of Kevin’s grasp. He walks towards his racket with a noticeable limp. Andrew spots a nasty looking bruise on the back of one of his thighs. 

“So what? We are all going to ignore the fact that you look like you got in a fist fight with half a dozen dudes?” Aaron asks

“It was seven,” Neil tells them, too causally. Jean, shoves his back, in a clear sign to shut up. “But I’m fine,” 

“You need to rest,” Kevin tells. 

“I’ve played with worse,” Neil shrugs. 

“I know. I was there. And it was wrong then and it’s wrong now. The Foxes aren’t like the Ravens. Here we let ourselves heal,” Kevin says. 

Neil scoffs. “If I can play with a dislocated hip, I can play with a couple bruises. I’m serious Kevin, it’s fine,” 

“It’s not, you will sit out and observe. After you will instruct. But you will not be practicing with the rest of us, number three,” Kevin’s voice is filled with rare authority, one that has Neil already half bowed before he seems to realize what he’s doing. 

“Fuck you,” he spits out. “Don’t tell me that we aren’t like the ravens in the same breath that you order me like you have ranking over me, number two.” 

Jean says something low and calming, but Neil shakes him off and continues limping on to grab his racket. 

“Now are we going to practice or what,” 

And practice they do, with Neil wincing all the while. Kevin grits his teeth but refusing to threaten another blow up. He does, however, take it easier on the blue eyed demon. That only infuriates him, drives him to play harder, score more. Andrew watches it all go down and is reminded, the way he always is when he sees the leggy boy move, that he’s something dangerous that needs to be watched. 

So Andrew watches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I teased at it this chapter having the Eden scene, but I’m saving it for next chapter. Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if you liked it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Neil have a heart to heart, and the Eden scene, done a little differently. Enjoy and let me know what you think!! All the comments have been really great, I appreciate every single one of them.

Neil knows Kevin isn’t a coward. He gets why people thinks that he is, but he’s grown up watching Kevin Day’s every movement. He knows better then to believe that his big brother is completely craven. 

Kevin’s courage is a slow beast, it takes him a beat too long to gather it. But once it’s there it doesn’t go away. It’s a slow, steady thing Neil has come to rely on.   
So he’s not surprised that it takes Kevin a week to gather up his bravery and ask Neil for the whole truth. 

It’s late, Andrew is laying at the top of the stands wearing headphones. Nicky and Aaron are gone for the night, exhausted from the drills. Aaron’s got the first drill down pat, and Nicky will hopefully nail it tomorrow in time to show it off to the incoming foxes. 

Neil’s had most of the week to heal, he’s still got a slight limp, his black eye has gone more yellow the purple, and he thinks there’s a cut on his abdomen that’s slightly infected. But comparatively, he’s better then he was at the beginning of the week. Kevin’s stopped scowling at him when he steps on the court and Jean’s stopped fluttering around him every time he moves. 

Kevin grabs his attention by tapping the butt of his racket on the hard floor. He sits and gestures for Neil to sit next to him. Neil goes, ready for it. He waits while Kevin gathers himself before he speaks. 

“What happened?” Kevin finally asks in soft hesitant French. “How did you get out?” 

“You sure you wanna know?” Neil asks him, giving him an out. It’s long been his policy that if someone is brave enough to ask a question, they should be brave enough to handle the answer. Despite the out, Kevin just nods, showing that slow and steady courage. 

“I waited for it to blow over a little. After you left. It never really did, but they did get a little distracted with the playoffs. You know that I’d been working part time for my father?” Neil asks. Kevin nods. He was the only one that was allowed out of the nest growing up. He tried to explain to them that training with Lola wasn't anything to be jealous about. But they only understood that it was a nightmare when he had to play with broken ribs and three broken fingers when he was thirteen. Everything had changed a year and a half ago when he stepped up to help out when his dad went into prison. 

“It was never meant to be a full time thing,” Neil explains. “Me helping run point while he was in Seattle. It negated the whole reason that I was sold off in the first place. No nepotism and all that. But someone had to step up when he was gone, and I managed to make it clear that it should be me,” Neil shakes his head. His second audition to be the butcher 2.0 while his father was in prison was even worse then his audition to be a raven when he was ten. He had to prove that he deserved the spot, not because he was the butchers son, but because he was a butcher himself. The audition in front of Ichirou was awful. It wasn’t his dad cutting a man to pieces that time, it was him. 

But it was the only way he could get out. The only way he could get his family out. 

“Ichirou was just starting to really take charge, and he was my point person for the Moriyamas,” he remembers first meeting him, one first born son to another. Their was respect and something else in the little lords eyes. Looking back now, it’s clear the something else was desire. “So on the night of the championship I was brought up to translate. I managed to break away and get a word in with the heir. I convinced him that Riko and the master wouldn’t just stop with breaking your hand. That’d he’d kill one of us. And what use would us property be if we were dead. It worked, he let me and Jean go. Gave you his blessing for leaving. Riko didn’t take it well. But I managed to get away before it could be really bad. I was tucked away to recover for a while. And now we’re here,” he smiles and shrugs like it was just that easy. Hopes that it’s enough to convince his big brother. 

He watches Kevin digest this, taking in each word. He shakes his head. 

“How’d your uncle get involved?” He asks. 

“I also convinced him that my dear father would make a bad ally for him. That he was unstable, that he got caught, that he’s sloppy. It worked. I also reached out to my uncle to make sure that if I was taking my father out of the picture, someone equally horrible or worse was stepping up. And they agreed to step up. It’s been good for the Hatfords,” Neil explained. 

“It couldn’t have been that easy,” Kevin shakes his head. Neil gets it, he really does. Kevin’s collar may have been gilded, but it was still tight. It’s hard to believe it’s gone when it suddenly gets yanked away. It’s hard not to miss the comforting weight of it sometimes. “Why are you working for him if your uncle is supposed to be taking care of it?” 

“It was part of the deal,” Neil shrugs. “It’s a transition thing. While my uncle is getting used to the job. My cousin Charlie is the one set up to take over, and the Moriyamas are exactly comfortable with the fact that she’s the second born. And that’s she’s a she. So I’m pitching in to show them that she can handle it. Plus I’m good at it. I make it a lot easier when I’m there. Which makes their lives easier. Which makes them like me more. Which means things are more likely to go our way.” 

Kevin sigh and hangs his head. “Well, I don’t like it,” 

“Get in line,” Jean says from behind them where he’s listening. Kevin jumps surprised, forgetting that Jean was still there. Neil almost jumps too before he catches himself. “But once again the stubborn mule does what him wants, damn the rest of us,” 

“That’s not fair. I’m doing it for you,” Neil defends. The huff that comes out of both of their mouths at the same time has Neil cracking a smile. For a second he remembers the only good times he had in the nest that didn’t have to do with exy. When it was just him, Kevin, and Jean, with the older boys making fun of him, while he gave back as good as he got. 

No matter what, he’s not sorry for the choices he’s made to get them there. It was worth it to hear Kevin’s quite laugh, to hear Jean’s small chuckle. He leans into Kevin, closing his eyes and reveling in it for a minute. 

When he opens his eyes, his attention is immediately snagged by Andrew. The blonde boy is watching him, closely, cataloging his every move. Suddenly the warmth is gone, replaced by something else that burns a little hotter. Something Neil doesn't have a name for. It sticks with him as he starts to pack up, the feeling of eyes and a too- wide medicated smile on his back. He falls asleep thinking about it, Jean’s comforting soft snores doing nothing to block it out. When darkness finally comes, he welcomes it. 

 

——————————————

 

Boyd is too damn excited. He’s carrying one end of the too-large sofa, with Jean on the other end, helping him lift. Neil had offered, but the foxes had fussed over his healing injuries, and refused to let him carry much. Andrew is certainly not looking at Neil, ass as he leans down to grab one of the girl’s comforter set, thank you very much. He looks up and sees Nicky ogling him though. What an asshole. 

Boyd is yapping away about his short vacation, while Neil is smiling, looking confused yet amused. Jean is nodding, his face soft as he watches the blue eyed demon get along with the rest of the team. Andrew doesn’t get it. 

After everyone gets settled in, Neil manages to charm everyone into spending their supposedly free day at the court. His excitement peeks through as he asks, and the foxes all smile back indulgently, and nod. Saying no to the goddamn junkie would be like saying no to a dying kids wish to go to Disney. Especially compared to Kevin’s usual method of trying to get them on court, which involves a lot of yelling and huffing. Andrew wants to say no, just to fuck with him. But Kevin’s going so he has to go too. 

Once they all get there in their gear Neil has Nicky demonstrate the first drill. Nicky manages to nail it for the first time ever while the rest of the foxes watch on impressed. He starts moving them through the drill, with Matt and, surprisingly Alison catching on quickly. Dan and Renee start to grasp it after a few more tries. Seth is pissed about something or other and dragging his feet. But even he starts to soften slightly in the face of Neil’s patience. By the end of it, they can all hit at least three in a row. They all walk away from the practice, feeling a lot more energized they normally do walking away from the court. They get into their individual cars and make the trek back to the tower. 

Nicky whistles loudly at the site of Neil stepping out of his dorm, dressed in the club attire Andrew bought him, after they’ve gotten ready to go. Neil does look good, Andrew allows as he walks over to were they are waiting for him. Black is a good color for him. 

Matt stands disapprovingly in the doorway to his dorm out in the hall, watching them. But he doesn’t say anything as Neil walks with them towards the elevator. Neil must’ve already warned him. 

The car ride is awful, and Andrew feels like death in the backseat, with Neil pressed against him from where he sits in the middle. He throws up once, gross chunks pooring out, wrenching his guts open as they spew out. 

By the time they get to Sweeties the lack of meds has made him feel slightly dizzy. They slide into the booth with Neil sitting on the end, next to Kevin. 

Andrew refuses to say anything until he’s slided a packet of crackers. It’s not until they hit, a couple minutes later that everything starts unsticking for him. Curiously, Kevin takes a look at Neil and pushes the offered crackers away. Guess big brother wants to play at being a good role model. 

“How’d you ditch your shadow?” Andrew asks, cutting off Nicky’s nervous ramble. 

“I told him not to come,” Neil shrugs. 

“I’m surprised he listened,” Andrew tells him. 

“I told him the same thing I told the other foxes. That I've been through worse. That I can handle myself,” Neil says it like a threat. In a way it is. 

“How do you know that you’ve been through worse? Who knows how the nights going to go,” Andrew posits. Neil has the gull to laugh at that. 

“I will be actually impressed if this ends up being the worst thing I’ve gone through,” Neil says. Kevin’s jaw clinches and Andrew tries not to take it as a challenge. 

The finally get to Eden’s after ice cream has been inhaled. He motions for Neil to come with him to get drinks. When they get up to the bar, Roland obviously checks out Neil, his gaze dropping slowly down then makes its way back up. 

“Soda please,” Neil says. 

Roland raises an eyebrow when Andrew gives him the nod, but still complies, slipping a little something into Neil’s glass. 

Andrew feels the faintest bit of anticipation as they make their way back to the table. He’s ready to finally get some straight answers out of the blue eyed devil. 

Kevin inhales half a dozen shots in the time that it takes Neil to even reach for his glass of soda. Kevin’s already wobbling when Neil brings the glass to his face. 

But Neil sniffs at the drink before trying to take a sip. His face pulls into disgust. “Date rape drugs? Classy,” 

Nicky flinches. “Sor-“ he shuts up when he catches Andrew’s glare. 

“I didn’t know,” Kevin says he looks wild eyes and panicked. The concern seems to sober him up a little. This is why he didn’t tell Kevin. Didn’t want any ill fated attempts of protecting Kevin’s ‘little brother’ “I promise Nate I wouldn’t have let them,” 

Kevin’s concern is over the top, even for a he situation. Andrew narrows his eyes. 

“Seems like you know a thing about it,” Andrew prods. 

“Oh yeah,” Neil’s rage is palpable, volatile, and blooming. “They were found of GHB back in the nest, weren’t they, Kevin? It was about the only thing that made me sloppy. I was too much of a fighter otherwise.” 

Kevin looks like he’s about to throw up. And Andrew tells himself that he feels absolutely nothing. 

“You know, I’ve had a conversation with that fosterbrother of yours,” Neil tells him, too calm and seemingly at random. Andrew’s body locks down. “What was his name? Drake wasn’t it? Me and Riko gave him a call. He seemed like a very nice man. Must’ve been great to grow up in the same house as such a great role model,” 

Neil’s smile pierces Andrew, but he refuses to acknowledge it. But he’s not done. Neil leans in, and his eyes are a cold fire. “Whatever you’ve been through, whatever you’ve suffered, I’ve been there too. But a hundred times worse, at the hands of people a hundred times more creative and capable. And I’m still fucking here. And I’ll still be fucking here even after you end up an exy wash out in prison. You’d do well to remember that,” 

He gets up and starts walking out. Then turning around he asks “are you coming Kevin?” he’s flexing, make sure it’s clear who’s in charge here. Kevin nods though, and starts to get up himself. 

Andrew watches them go. So that’s what it feels like to lose Kevin. He can feel the deal he made with Kevin shatter, at the same time he feels Kevin’s respect for him shatter. Kevin wouldn’t give him anything now, not even anything as useless as hope. 

“Suffering’s not a competition,” Aaron says to their retreating backs. Neil turns to face them again. 

“Sure it is. And I’ve already won,” he says before they both get lost in the crowd. 

And Andrew feels nothing, truly nothing.


	6. Chapter 6

“We need another bed. Can I steal one of your spares?” Neil asks Matt. They are in Matt’s room, on his big couch, waiting for Kevin and Jean to come back from the store where they are grabbing sheets and other dorm essentials. Neil had not been happy this morning, to get back from his hellish trip to realize that he had no essentials to live on. Jean and Kevin offered to go and get it, and Neil was happy to pawn off the responsibility and bid them fair well, handing them a Hatford supplied credit card on their way out. 

“Why? Who’s moving in?” Matt asks. 

“Kevin,” Neil tells him, then watches as his face contorts into utter confusion. He likes Matt, but he’s never really known how to handle nice. 

“What? He’s moving out from the monsters? Andrew’s letting him go?” 

“He doesn’t needs Andrew’s protection. I made sure that Riko couldn’t hurt him when I left. He’d rather be with us,” Neil shrugs. 

“What the fuck happened in Columbia?” Matt asks. A knock sounds before Neil can answer. “Come in,” 

“Morning,” Dan says, strolling into the room filled with mid morning light. Behind her is Allison and Renee, who make their way into the room. 

“Kevin’s moving in with Neil and Jean,” Matt announces ad the girls get settled. 

“What?” Allison asks. Dan and Renee look surprised. 

“It’s a better fit,” Neil tells them. 

“Andrew takes his deals very seriously,” Renee tells him. Of course, Kevin’s idiotic deal. Made without the consideration that Neil would be coming back for his brother. 

“Kevin has nothing to offer Andrew, not anymore,” Neil says. Allison raises a blonde eye brow. 

“Bet Andrew’s pleased about that,” Dan says. 

“He doesn’t get a choice,” Neil tells her, his voice hard. 

“Damn, I’d say that you should watch your back, but you’ve already gotten the drop on him. But still Andrew’s-“ Dan stops, pondering what Andrew is. 

“A psycho,” Allison finishes for her. Dan huffs, but doesn’t disagree. 

Jean opens the door, and stops short when he sees the small crowd in Matt’s room. Kevin goes around him. He hands Neil back his credit card. Neil takes its and stuffs it back in his pocket. Allison watches the exchange closely. 

“Matt said we could steal a bed from him,” Neil tells them. Kevin nods, but looks antsy so Neil excuses himself from the room telling him they’ll come by later to grab the bed, if that’s okay. Kevin and Jean trail behind him. 

“What’s up?” Neil asks when they get to their room. 

Kevin doesn’t say anything, only reaches into the bag to pool out a bottle of clear liquor. 

“Isn’t it a little early?” Jean asks Kevin, watching in gross fascination as he pours straight vodka into a cup. 

Kevin just glares, then grabs orange juice and tops up his glass with it. “Happy?”   
Jean sighs, but doesn’t complain. 

“Kevin,” Neil’s tone demands an answer. Kevin chokes down some vodka before he bothers responding. 

“We need Andrew,” Kevin finally answers. 

“Like hell,” Jean starts “the very last thing that we need is that asshole,” 

Neil just sighs. Looks at Kevin. Says “I know” 

“What?” Jean asks. 

“To win. We need him so we can beat Riko. Your right, we need him,” Neil tells Kevin. 

“Then why?” Kevin asks. 

“Why not let him drug me?” Neil asks. Jean looks a little murderous. He was not happy when he got last nights recap when he went to pick them up. The hotel were Jean was staying at in the area, just in case, was only a five minute drive. But it was tense waiting with Kevin outside the club, both of them fuming after what happened. Jean wasn’t any better when he heard about it in the car. “Because as much as we need him, I wasn’t going to let him walk all over me,” 

Kevin sighs, chugs more vodka orange juice and looks away. 

“Listen. I’ll take care of it okay? Let me worry about it. I’ll get him where we need him,” Neil tells him. 

“How?” Jean asks, already worried. 

“Just let me handle it okay? Just let me take care of Andrew,” Neil says. The older boys begrudgingly nod. 

Neil’s burner rings, breaking into the moment.   
“Hello?” He greats. 

“Nathaniel,” Ichirou greats. “I have some business in Miami, I’d like you there to help with some translations, and for security. You’ll be home by Monday afternoon. I’ve already chartered a plane, a car will be outside for you in ten minutes,” 

“Yes my lord,” Neil says, already moving towards his duffle. 

“I look forward to seeing you, Nathaniel,” Ichirou’s tone makes his stomach drop and his skin crawl. 

“I look forward to seeing you as well my lord,” Neil’s tone is a pale comparison to Ichirou’s pure heat. But it’s enough to make Ichirou chuckle before hanging up and to make Kevin’s head whip over to look at Neil so fast, he probably got whip lash. 

“Neil?” Kevin asks concerned. 

“No,” Neil says, shoving a couple of pairs of running shorts and sneakers into his bag before carefully laying down two nice suits. 

“Neil,” Kevin repeats distressed. 

“No,” Neil just repeats firmly. He reaches into his big duffle to grabs his guns, to open them and see if they needed any ammunition. The sight of Neil reloading his guns have Kevin finally shutting the hell up and reaching for his vodka mix. 

The rest of the weekend passes relatively quickly. Charlie is at the meeting, representing some Hatford interest in what seems to be an arms deal. She’s fun to be with, after she gets over the shit Neil pulled last week. It’s pretty easy, he spends his time with his cousin, or translating. Or on his back or knees with Ichirou on him, on top of him, in him, and far far far too close. 

By the time he gets back onto his return flight his limp has gotten worse, even though his bruise has gotten better. 

————————————

Neil’s gone Monday morning. Nicky using his absence as a way of passive aggressively hinting that he should apologize to the blue eyed demon. He refuses to acknowledge it in any other way besides his too wide manic grins. Nicky’s too used to them by now, they do nothing to deter him. 

Kevin tries to help the foxes with the first drill, but he had non of Neil’s patience and it’s a disaster from the jump. Jean steps up, and does a much better job then Kevin. But Neil’s absence is still felt. They all ask too many questions about where he is, Wymack’s grumbling under his breath about making them all do marathons. Matt and Kevin almost get into a fist fight at some point. Kevin looks to Jean automatically for protection, and if Andrew wasn’t sure before that their deal was over, he is now. 

Neil comes strolling into the court, or as much as a man with a limp can stroll, at around 2 in the afternoon after they’ve all moved to scrimmaging. His limp is a little worse then when he left, despite having no other accompanying injuries. He’s all smiles for the Foxes, and his bruises are almost 

“Your late,” Kevin barks when he sees him. 

“My flight got delayed,” Neil shrugs, still smiling at Kevin. 

“You were flying on a privet jet,” Kevin says. 

“Jesus, when was the last time you saw Thea?” Neil asks, smile getting a little sharky “I forgot how much of an asshole you are when your not getting laid,” 

“Neil!” Kevin exclaims, with the shock of a southern church going lady appalled by such language. Nicky’s the first one to start laughing, and soon all of the foxes are snickering. 

“I will get you guys a hotel room if you want. Get her down for the weekend. Or get with someone here. I don’t care, you just need to chill out,” Neil says. “Alison’s hot?” He says it like he’s not even sure. 

“Alison is hot,” Alison says. 

“Alison’s okay,” Kevin says. Alison scoffs. “That’s not my concern right now,” 

“Alison’s picked up the drills faster then anyone besides Andrew,” Neil says like it sweetens the deal. Alison scoffs again, but louder and more dramatically. And Kevin, being the asshole that he is, actually looks over to Alison and checks her out like he’s seeing her for the first time. He seems to like what he sees. Andrew’s gay but he still has eyes, he can see how Alison might be appealing with her blue eyes and long legs. 

“Alison is taken,” Seth has the gull to say. 

“Alison is very single,” Alison says. They broke up last night, and she checks out Kevin in return, mostly to piss off Seth. “But Alison is tired of speaking for her,” 

“Enough,” Wymack finally interrupts. “This is practice, not match.com” 

They get back to practice, and if Seth is a little rough with Kevin, well Kevin is a big strong exy player who can take a couple of hits. 

After practice Neil changes in the bathroom stall and doesn’t let anyone see him shirtless, and if anyone besides Andrew finds that odd, they keep their opinion to themselves. 

That night the three former ravens hold up in their room or in Matt’s room with the girls, and Andrew and his lot stay to themselves. Kevin leaves an obvious hole in their room, but no one dares say anything. 

The rest of the week passes much the same, with Neil seeming to give them a wide birth after Columbia. He moves them through the second drill on Wednesday. Andrew is tempted to refuse learning it. But he made a deal, if Neil comes to Columbia then he’d learn the drills. So he keeps his word, unlike some people and leans the drill after three serious attempts, just like last time. 

A tentative peace settles. At least until he goes on the roof Thursday night to find Neil there, sitting on the edge. He doesn’t turn around when Andrew opens up the heavy door, nor as Andrew walks over to the edge. It’s only when Andrew is standing right next to him that Neil looks up at him with his too pretty face. 

“I could push you off,” Andrew tells him. 

“I’d take you with me,” Neil responds. He doesn’t sound pissed. He’s very calm for a man in the edge of a building. “Besides, the fro wouldn’t kill me, fuck me up a little, sure. But not kill me. 

“Who said I wanted to kill you?” Andrew asks. 

“Your face, 85% of the time,” Neil tells him. 

“How can you tell through all of this?” Andrew asks, pointing at the drugged out smil he’s wearing. 

“It’s there, but underneath. Gotta know where to look,” Neil tells him. Andrew sighs and sits down. They both look out to famous. It’s an admittedly shitty view of the parking lot. But something settles in Andrew as he sits next to the blue devil. Something that shouldn’t. 

“Well, ask me,” Neil commands. 

“Ask you what?” Andrew asks. 

“What you were going to ask me when I was drugged. I’ll tell you the closest thing I can to the truth,” Neil explains. Andrew furrows his brows, but refuses to offer him anything. Why would he trust anything that comes for free? Everything has a price. Neil sighs into the silence. 

“Look, it’s not lost on me that we need you this season. I need to do well, I need to win. As does Kevin and Jean. I’d do anything for them, anything to keep myself alive so I can keep them alive. So. What does it take? Truth? Safety for your brother and cousin? What’s the price? I’ll pay it,” 

Andrew looks at him, at all of him. He hates him. Andrew hates Neil, with his too blue eyes and too pretty face and too long legs. He can feel it burning him. Neil looked at him confused by his perusal. Until he looks suddenly enlightened. 

“Oh that? Is that the price?” Neil asks. It’s Andrew’s turn to be confused. Neil is turning slightly pink. 

“What?” Andrew asks. 

“Sex?” Neil whispers, like a middle school boy who’s afraid their teacher is going to yell at them for naughty words. “Is that what you want? Sex?” 

“What?” Andrew can’t help but let out. He’s shocked that he was seen, that his attraction to Neil was seen. Disgusted by it. 

“I’m sorry,” Neil tries to cover quickly. “Forget that, my bad. Shit sorry, I just thought that I’d seen that look before or something like it. Really I’m so-,” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Andrew orders. Neil plays for once and shuts his mouth. “I fucking hate you,” 

And he fucking does hate Neil Josten, hates the way he’d offer himself up like that so casually. Hates that he thinks it’s nothing, to offer Andrew the chance to fuck him for Andrew to play well. Hates how it puts him in line with all of the men that brides him to keep his mouth shut as a boy. Fuck him. And fuck whoever’s made him believe that he was something to be sold off like that for nothing. And fuck Andrew himself for being somehow more impossibly drawn to Neil because of this. “Fuck you,” Andrew says again. 

“Yeah you already said that,” Neil tells him, still hesitant. 

“Never do that again,” Andrew tells him. “With fucking anybody. Never offer yourself up like that again,” 

Neil shrugs but doesn’t say anything. They sit in silence for a little while. 

“Truth,” Andrew says finally. “That’s what I want. I’ll play the games the best I can, but I want truth in return. And none of that, closest to the truth shit. I want the whole truth,” 

“You sure, it’s a lot,” Neil warns him. 

“I think I can handle it,” Andrew says. 

“Okay,” Neil stands to get up. He looks down at Andrew. The truth then, that’s the price,” 

Andrew gives him a nod, and Neil walks away. 

Andrew lets himself think about it, in the balmy summer night. About the fucked up shit that Neil tried to bribe him with. He wonders about who made him think that’d be okay. And if it was the same person that had left the hickeys that Neil had tried hard to hide after he came back on Monday. 

He think he’ll kill the person that did that to Neil. Not for the blue eyed idiot. But because the world would be better off for it. He nods to himself then heads inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn’t proofed that hard tbh. Sorry, I’ll go back in after. But imma bout to see black panther. Big love! Lmk how you feel.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kathy’s show and a couple more heart to hearts. Hope you guys enjoy let me know what you think!

Summer slinks by, hot and slow. The heat makes it feel like everything’s in slow motion, but that might also be because Neil spent 8 years of his life running 16 hour days. Kevin and Jean seem to struggle the same, in their quiet way. 

The only real bump in the road is when Wymack informs them of the ravens transfersing to their district. Kevin drinks too much, and Jean huddled closer to Neil, but they trust him to figure it out. To protect them. 

Other then that they settle into a routine. It feels good, working with the foxes, practicing with his little family at night, getting more and more comfortable with the rest of the foxes. It almost makes up for his jaunts out, every couple of weeks with Riko or his uncle. 

It’s not until the end of July that Andrew comes to him for a truth. They had been circling each other for the past weeks, in a weird orbit. Neil told himself he wasn’t avoiding him, not really. But he still stung with a little bit of embarrassment every time he thought about their last conversation, when Andrew rebuffed him so solidly. It’s not like he really wanted to offer himself up like that. He’d just thought that seen something similar on Ichirou’s face before and just assumed, like a fool. He’s never done that before, he wouldn’t have done it if he thought that Andrew would take advantage completely. But he’d been wrong about the whole thing. Andrew was disgusted with him. Neil didn’t blame him. 

It’s after practice, Andrew and his crew had left before Neil’s, so he was surprised to find Andrew waiting for him at the door. Andrew nodded at him, a signal to follow him. Kevin lets him go easy, but Jean holds him back. 

“Hey it’s fine,” Neil tells him. He looks unconvinced. But he still lets go of Neil and follows Kevin inside. He shadows Andrew all the way up to the roof, warm in the late summer evening. The sky’s all pink and orange with the setting sun, and they take a minute to gather themselves and look out before they start. 

“Where were you this weekend?” Andrew asks, starting off easy. Neil had gone away the past weekend, a trip to the Hatfords home base. 

“London,” he answers. “It’s where my mom’s family is from. The Hatfords are a pretty big criminal family in their own right. I work with them sometimes. I thought I was going for a job, but it turned out it was just some anniversary party thing,” 

His uncle Joe, Stewart’s older brother and patriarch of the family, was celebrating his 40th anniversary with his wife. And Neil had had no idea what do when he showed up to the venue, packing all his guns and ready for trouble. Stewart had just laughed, the bastard, and spent the rest of the night showing him all of the sons and daughter of their associates, emphasizing the fact that they were all single. Neil’s been told (by Jean, a lot) that he’s clueless when it comes to stuff like that, but even he could see that his uncle was trying to play match maker. By the end of it, he wished that it had been a job, and a bloody one at that. 

“Bet you were thrilled about that,” Andrew remarks. Neil just sighs and shakes his head. 

“What’s that?” Andrew asks and pokes at Neil’s forearm, covered by the long sleeves he’s been wearing all week. Neil holds in a hiss when Andrew pokes too hard. Then he pulls up the sleeve, to show the tattoo, obscured in plastic wrap. Andrew waits for his to peel it back, the looks at the green and black crest on Neil’s forearm. 

“It’s the Hatford crest. You are allowed to get it once you spilled blood for the family. They wanted me to get it, said it was past due,” Neil explains. 

“So if anyone wanted you to get a tattoo, you’d just get it, no questions asked?” Andrew asks. Neil’s shaking his head before the whole question is out. 

“No, my mom had it. One of my first memories is tracing her tattoo on her ankle. It’s for her, to remember her,” Neil says. He starts fixing the plastic wrap back onto his tattoo. 

“What happened to her?” Andrew asks. 

“She died when I was ten,” Neil answers simply. Andrew looks annoyed. 

“Why do you do that?” He asks. 

“Do what?” Neil’s confused. 

“Hoard some truths, but give others away like they don’t matter,” Andrew tries to explain. Neil continues to look confused. “At Eden’s you said that you were drugged like it was nothing, but I ask you about your mother and you shut up for once,” 

“The best thing Riko ever taught me, the only thing really, was that information like that can be used against you to force you into feeling shame and guilt. What happened was bad enough, but sometimes the shame was worse. But when you own what happened to you, that shame is gone, all that guilt for shit that’s not your fault is gone. So I tell those truths. But some shit is my fault. So it stays low where no one can use it against me,” Neil tries to explain. He doesn’t know if he does a good job, but Andrew nods in understanding anyway. 

“Your mother’s death is one of those thing?” Andrew asks. 

“Yeah,” Neil confirms. And Andrew waits. “It was my fault she died, so yeah,” 

Neil needs a minute. Andrew is kind enough to wait once more. 

“She died trying to get me away from the ravens and the nest. If she had just left me behind she’s still be alive,” Neil explains 

“That’s not your fault,” Andrew says. “I killed my mom, in a car accident. That was my fault. But your moms death isn’t on you. She did what she should have done, she just didn’t do it well,” 

Neil is reeling from Andrew’s easy confession. He looks at him, sees he’s dead serious. 

“Why?” Neil can’t help but ask. “Why kill your mom?”

“Nope. I’m not the truth teller here,” Andrew says. He gets up and walks away without so much as a goodbye. Neil watches him go before turning to the last dregs of the sunset. Thinks about what Andrew said. Wonders if he can free himself from this old guilt. Decides, stroking the tattoo, that there are better ways to carry his mother with him then guilt. 

He feels better as he walks back to his room. 

—————————————————

The first two weks of August slip by Andrew, just as fast as the rest of summer had passed. He dutifully learns the rest of drills, setting a new record each time. He pretends that the way Neil lights up when he masters a drill doesn’t effect him, but it does. And he hates it. 

It’s two weeks until their first game and a week until fall semester starts when Wymack pulls them all into a meeting. They all sit down, with Neil moving a small couch for him Jean and Kevin. Wymack nods when they all get in, then proceeds to get into a staring match with Neil. 

Neil sighs and says “fine” then turns to everyone else. 

“Lord Moriyama wants us to do a press tour in order to build excitement for the season. It’ll be two weeks, focused on the south then ending up in New York. It’ll be all morning shows. Most of them will just be me Jean and Kevin, but we’d like it if you can all come with us to be on Morning America,” Neil says. Nicky lets out an excited squeal, and the rest of the team lights up at the chance to be on America’s number one morning show. 

“When?” Allison asks, the only one besides Jean and Kevin that not really impressed. 

“The day before the first game. The first stop is at Kathy Ferdinand’s show. That’s where I’ll make my big reveal and Kevin and Jean will show themselves for the first time. It’s tomorrow morning, and you are all welcome to come,” Neil tells them. Andrew’s surprised that the three exy junkies aren’t jumping out of their skin at the idea of missing that much practice. “I’m leaving after this, I have to be up there early for business, but I’ll meet you all there in the studio tomorrow morning,” 

They all look a little frustrated by that. They’ve all watch Neil leave for the night, the weekend, a couple of days, all for ‘business’ and come back covered in injuries or hickeys and dead eyed. It takes days for him to seem to be getting back into himself, only to be whisked away again. No one has said anything, at least not outside of their own little cliques, but he’s seen everyone’s eyes track Neil as he comes and goes. He’s seen everyone wonder what he’s giving up so that he Kevin and Jean can be there. 

“So everyone on board?” Wymack asks them, his own brow furrowing at Neil’s announcement. 

Everyone agrees eventually, even an annoyed looking Seth. They all watch Neil reach into his locker to get out his overnight bag and leave the court. Wymack sighs and follows him out. 

“So are we finally going to talk about it?” Matt asks them all. 

“No,” Jean says. He looks a little more unsure of himself with his midget blue eyed protector near by. 

“C’mon Jean, we can only ignore it for so long. Where is he going? Why does it always seem to get him hurt? What is he putting himself through?” Matt asks. 

“What he needs to put himself through so that we can survive,” Kevin answers, everyone looks surprised at Kevin defending anything besides exy. “You’ve all got shit from your past. Let his shit go,” 

“Yeah but this isn’t about what happened, it’s about what’s happening,” Allison says. 

“Let it be,” Renee says. “It’s Neil’s secret. He’s the one that needs to tell us. And he will when he’s ready,” 

Matt sighs and Allison shakes her head but they let it drop. 

The next morning at ass o’clock they are on the bus and Kevin is having a panic attack. Jean is doing his best to calm him. But Kevin is spiraling hard. Andrew sighs. 

“Hey asshole,” he calls out yo Kevin. Hold my meds,” 

Kevin catches the pill box as it’s thrown to him and seems surprised by it enough that it throws him out of his panic. 

When they arrive at the studio, Kevin’s put on his media smile and Jean is right next to him with a smile to match. They all make their way inside to find Neil already there, dead eyed yet smiling at something Kathy Ferdinand is prattling on about. He seems relieved with they walk in. 

Everybody besides Neil Kevin and Jean are shown to their seats, and waiting with nervous excitement. Andrew zones them out as he waits. It’s not long before Kathy is out with her big fake smile, starting the show. She prattles on for a while about more shit Andrew doesn’t care about before finally introducing her exy geusts. 

“Are you all excited for exy season to begin?” She asks her audience who all scream when they are told. “It’s still two weeks away, and trust me, I’m counting the days. But to tide us over I’m excited to bring on the son of exy himself, Kevin Day,” Kevin walks in from the wings, alone with a massive smile. 

“Kathy, it’s wonderful to see you,” he greats her with a kiss on her cheek. They take a seat. 

“It’s nice to see you Kevin. Especially as a fox,” Kathy tells him. 

“Yeah it’s been an adjustment,” Kevin tells her, smiling through it. The rest of her questions are about how he’s adjusting. Andrew zones it out once again. It’s not until Kathy says something about a big announcement and standing up to great Neil and Jean that Andrew starts paying attention again. 

“It’s wonderful to meet you too,” Neil tells her, also going in to kiss her on the cheek. 

“So you are the new striker?” Kathy asks “everyone has always speculated that there was a number three hidden at the nest. Interesting to finally meet the fabled number, but as a fox. What a curious turn of events,” 

“Well I couldn’t let my big brother go on a big adventure without me,” Neil says then throws a hand on Kevin’s bicep and squeezes as a sign of brother affection. “It’s true, I grew up in the nest with Kevin and Riko. They were my brothers growing up. And Jean was my best friend when he came along. I was waiting for my big debut as a raven. But life doesn’t always go the way you think it will.” 

“Aw, who doesn’t love some brotherly love?” Kathy coos. “Although you did say Riko was like a brother as well. But you still left him behind,” 

“Riko still has all of the Ravens and his uncle. I couldn’t let Kevin out here alone without family. And I admired what he was doing, working with a team with so much potential, helping them become their best selves. Me and Jean couldn’t let him have all the fun,” Neil’s smile is mischievous. The audience is eating him up, this affectionate trouble maker. 

“The foxes have been so welcoming, it’s been great to learn from them,” Jean says humbly. 

“It’s been great to have them,” Kevin tells her. “Jean is the strongest backliner in the game. And Neil’s been training raven freshman since he was a freshman in high school, so he’s been invaluable to the foxes,” 

Kathy raises an eyebrow. “Training adults when you were only fourteen. Impressive,” Neil smiles a cocky smile that’s at odds with his modest shrug. 

“What can I say, I had great teachers,” he pats Kevin’s shoulder, making it clear which teacher he was talking about. 

“I’m so happy you said that. I have a surprise for you all. A little family reunion if you will,” she says before gesturing to where The devil himself Riko Moriyama walks onto the stage. He watches Kevin freeze, Jean pull Neil closer and Neil’s eyes whirl around the room, tracking exits. 

“Kevin,” Riko says in a warm voice, pulling Kevin in for a hug. The audience sighs audibly. Andrew wants to barf. 

“Little brother,” Riko says turning to Neil. He holds his arms out like he’s going to hug Neil, but Neil just reaches up, pats Riki’s face and darts back to sit down. 

“Jean,” Riko says before sitting down opposite then. 

“It’s so odd to see the perfect court all split up,” Kathy tells them. 

“It’s weird for us as well,” Riko says “I thought that I’d finally get all four of us together on court this year. I was excited for the fans,” he’s laying the guilt on thick. 

“I was too,” Neil says. Then shrugs laying on his own guilt “but it wasn’t meant to be. I mean, what kind of brother would I be if I let Kevon go out on his own, especially with his injury?” 

“He didn’t have to leave, you know we would have offered him a assistant coaching job. He didn’t have to leave his family,” Riko tells him. 

“Kevin’s meant to play, it’s who he is,” Neil tells him. “If he couldn’t play at the Ravens then he didn’t belong there, and he’s still with his family,” 

“I’m sorry, Kathy,” Kevin says, reaching over and squeezing Neil’s hand. “We don’t mean to air out our family situation on your show,” 

“Oh, it’s perfectly fine,” Kathy says, obviously ravenous for the drama. 

“It still has been an adjustment,” Jean tells her, his French accent charming. “But we are making it,” 

“You should be home,” Riko tells Neil ignoring the other conversations “you should be with your family in the nest. You should be with the best,” 

“I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” Neil tells him jaw clenched. 

“Well wasn’t this something,” Kathy says. “I’m afraid that we are going to have to go to break, but be sure to check out their first games on the last Friday in August,” with that the lights go low, and Andrew losses track of Kevin Jean and Neil in the chaos up on stage. 

By the time the lights are back up, they are out of site and Andrew has a bad feeling in his gut. It’s not his responsibility, Kevin gave up protection. But Andrew’s moving to find them regardless. 

After a quick search he finds them behind the sound stage. Riki’s bright body guards with him, but they stand off to the side. Andrew shuffled past them into the room. Riko is whisper yelling at and unimpressed Neil. Riko sees him, and waves at him while ordering something to his guards in Japanese. One of them reaches for him, but Neil is there first, in between the guard and him, with his back to Andrew. 

“I wouldn’t,” Neil warns them. Neil pulls down his collar, and whatever the guard sees, makes him back down. 

Riko spits out something in nasty sounding Japanese that has Kevin flinching hard. Neil turns around to face Riko.

“You should go,” Neil tells Riko. Riko scowls, but leaves with his guards following him. 

“C’mon,” Neil says, grabbing a stunned Kevin’s sleeve and pulling him out. 

“Whore?” Kevin asks in a quiet voice. Andrew’s on edge at the word. Neil shakes his head and pulls him out into the hallway 

“Not now,” Neil says as the head outside. They head on the bus and Andrew’s tempted to follow Neil on and demand answers. But Neil just pulls Jean next to him and leans on his shoulder, instantly falling asleep. 

Andrew can see a large hickey and the outline of teeth on the back of his neck. He spends the rest of the ride home with the echo of Kevin’s voice repeating “whore?” Over and over again.


	8. Chapter 8

“So I’m just walking across the street to get a trinket or something for Charlie,” Neil tells his audience. Everyone’s there except for Seth. 

“Who’s Charlie?” Nicky asks. 

“Shut up,” Allison hisses. 

“Oh she’s my cousin. She’s going to make a great mob boss one day,” Neil tells them. They look a little confused, but Neil’s probably mildly concussed, so what does he know. “And this big van pulls up, and I feel a gun at the back of my head. So I get in. And- ow Jean, that was a little rough,” 

Jean shrugs from where he’s sitting by Neil’s hips in the hotel room in NYC where he’s giving Neil stitches on his shoulder. Neil refused to take off his shirt, so Andrew ripped it when they had to see how bad the wound was. 

“We really should get Abby,” Dan tells him again. 

“No adults,” Jean, Kevin and Neil say in unison.

“Continue,” Andrew grounds out, annoyed. 

“Anyway, I get in the back of the van. And they blind fold me and I’m taken to this location. And- Shit I should call Ichirou,” Neil inturrpts himself. 

“You already did,” Andrew informs him. Oh. Definitely concussed then. 

“Is he coming?” Neil asks. 

“He’s sending someone,” Jean tells him. 

“Oh okay. A doctor? I could probably use a doctor. Shit the show tomorrow. I told the people to watch the face,” Neil says. 

“English now,” Andrew demands. 

“I am speaking English,” Neil says in French. Then he catches it. “Sorry the languages are all jumbled,” 

“Your face is fine, nothing makeup can’t cover. And Riki’s sending someone to look at your head and shoulder,” Kevin tells him in English. 

“It’s just a graze,” Neil tries to shrug, but Jean’s firm hand stops him. 

“So anyway, I’m in this werehouse and these idiots have tied me up with duct tape. Which, don’t tie people up with duct tape, that’s just criminal 101 shit. And they are asking me questions about my uncle and about Ichirou and being just assholes. But it’s fine because it doesn’t take long and I’m out of the binds. And there were only four of them. So it was pretty easy to take them out. But one of them was a fighter. Like a really good one. So he took a second longer. Shit did I tell Ichirou to send a clean up crew?” 

“You did, repeatedly. It was terrifying,” Allison tells him. 

“One of them had a pretty cool gun. I want it,” Neil tells her. 

“You already told Ichirou that too. He said you can keep it,” she tells him. He feels himself smile. It doesn’t really hurt so his face must be fine.

“Did Neil really kill four people?” Nicky asks in a bad whisper to Jean. 

“They started it,” Neil whispers back to him. He and Matt whimper. 

There’s a knock on the door and Dr. Callahan comes in. 

“Oh hi Dr Callahan, this is my team. Team this is Dr Callahan,” Neil introduces. 

“Jesus kid, what the fuck did you do this time?” The Irish doctor asks. 

“I got concussed,” Neil tells him. 

“And shot,” Andrew tells the doctor. 

“I might have gotten a little shot at well,” Neil allows. 

Callahan sighs and sits down to look at the neat stitches Jean put in. He nodded in approval then takes out a small flashlight and shines it in Neil’s eyes. 

“Definitely concussed. But it’s only minor. How’s the new brand?” Callahan asks then reaches pulls Neil’s collar bone. The foxes huddle close, and Neil really wished that none of them were there, but he didn’t prevent the doctor from pulling away his shirt, revealing the Moriyama’s signature seven point star laying on his pec over his heart. The foxes seem to all inhale as one beast. Kevin and Jean included, even though they both already had seen it. 

“It’s almost completely healed,” the doctor tells him. Neil nods. Callahan was there when he got it. It was after the first night that Ichirou had seen the Hatford crest on his forearm. He had looked and looked until he dragged Neil out to the back of a tattoo shop where he proceeded to burn, burn, burn. 

“C’mon kid. Moriyama wants to see you,” Dr. Callahan tells him. 

“He’s not going anywhere,” Andrew barks. The doctor actually laughs at that. 

Neil starts to get up, only to whimper when it pulls his new stitches. He grits his teeth and forces himself to his feet. The pain helps clear up some of his cloudy thoughts. He reaches behind to the gun tucked into his pants, the cool one with the silver handle. Everyone besides Andrew and Jean flinch away from him when they see it. But Neil just takes out the clip, sees that he has most of a full round in it, and then tucks it back into his pants. 

“Jesus Christ,” Matt says. 

“Is it weird that I’m a little turned on right now?” Nicky asks. 

“No, same,” Allison says. Matt and Dan look at each other and nod as well. Aaron looks like he’s going to be sick, and Andrew glares at his cousin. 

“It’s fine Andrew. I’ll be fine. Dr Callahan helped put me back together after I left the ravens. And I really do need to help Lord Moriyama sort this out,” he’s swaying on his feet so he’s not positive he’s really conveying his argument. But Andrew doesn’t stop him when he leans on Jean and starts for the door. 

“I’ll meet you all in the studio tomorrow. Also if you tell anyone about this Lord Moriyama will murder you and everyone you’ve ever talked to, so you know. Keep your mouth shut. Just tell Wymack I got called in,” he hears someone audibly gulp. He’s almost out the door when Andrew calls out his name. Neil turns. 

“Don’t do anything dumb. Say no if you need to,” Andrew tells him. The foxes turn to look at him. His voice is too sincere, and no one seems to know what to do with it. 

“Okay,” Neil tells him before they head out the door into the car waiting for them outside of the hotel lobby. 

Callahan clears him after checking his head and Jean’s stitches, telling him that he’s a lucky fool. 

They pull up to Ichirou’s townhouse, where he’s ushered right into Ichirou’s study. He’s set in a chair, and he tries to keep his head clear. He spends the rest of the night repeating his story to Ichirou and strategizing with him about which of his enemies might be the cause of it. 

“They seemed to know that we’re,” Neil starts him gesturing between them. 

“That we are what?” Ichirou asks, for the first time that night his small smile breaks over his face. Neil feels sick with Riko’s taunts from two weeks ago still ringing in his head. He’d called Neil “his brother’s whore” right in front of Kevin. He could see that his big brother had questions that he didn’t dare ask. 

“That we are sleeping together,” Neil says, feeling ill at the words. “But they didn’t know that I’ve stepped in as your butcher or who my father was,” 

“Interesting,” Moriyama says, crossing his long legs and resting his chin in his hands.  
“Did they see your brand?” 

“I didn’t let them get into that portion of the interrogation,” Neil assures him. 

“Why were you with your whole team when Callahan came?” He asks. 

“One of them saw me in the hall way where are rooms are. He wouldn’t leave me alone until he knew I was fine. We made a little bit of a scene, and by the time Jean was patching me up, they were all there,” Neil explains. Matt’s face was horrified when he saw Neil trying to stumble into his room. 

“They care about you,” Ichirou guesses. Neil nods and turns the topic back to questions at hand. They spend most of the night going over possibilities of who betrayed them. 

“I’m glad you are safe, Nathaniel,” Ichirou tells him, brushing his fingers along his cheek bone. 

Ichirou shuffles Neil into his own bed after 3 in the morning. They don’t touch, but Neil doesn’t get a wink of sleep, too wired by the presence of someone else in the bed. He stays awake all night staring at the back of Ichirou’s head, thinking about how many ways he could murder him, and walk out of there alive, knowing his family could stay alive. He comes up with a grand total of zero. But he still doesn’t stop trying. He don’t think he ever will. 

—————————————

He whirls on Kevin the second that Neil’s out of sight, half carried out the door by the slimy doctor. 

“What was that?” Andrew demands. Kevin seems startled by the question. It’s the first time Andrew’s bothered to address him since that night in Edens. He couldn’t be bothered by the exy obsessrd asshole. But now his world had narrowed down to that scar tissue of a burn on analready too scared chest. He knows it means something by Kevin and Jean’s reaction. 

“It’s none of your bus-“ Jean starts. 

“Enough,” Andrew cuts across. “Kevin I let you break our deal without a word. You owe me. Now what was that brand?” 

“I don’t owe you anything. He’s my brother, I’m not saying shit,” Kevin says, suddenly growing a fucking spine. 

“We aren’t trying to get you to betray him,” Dan says in a soft concerned voice. “We are trying to help him. And we can’t do that if we don’t understand,” 

“No one can help him,” Kevin says. Dan sighs frustratingly. 

“Kevin-“ Matt’s voice reaches out, seemingly touching them all softly. 

“That’s what the brand means,” Kevin interrupts him. “That no one can help him anymore,” 

No one, even Andrew for all his strength and perfect memory, knows what to do with that. 

“Jesus Kevin. What the fuck does that even mean?” Aaron asks breaking into the silence that has them all locked. Kevin just shakes his head. 

“It’s getting late, we have to be up early tomorrow. And you’ll see him tomorrow. If you really want to know you can ask him then,” Kevin tells them. 

“But he’s scary and attractive and apparently packing heat. Why can’t you just tell us?” Nicky whines. But no one takes him seriously and they all shuffle out of Matt’s room. 

It’s been a long time coming, The considering look that Aaron gives Andrew when they, plus Nicky, head to their room. 

“What’s the deal with you and the raven?” Aaron asks him. 

“Neil’s not a raven,” Nicky says. They ignore him. 

“He’s dangerous,” Andrew tells his twin. 

“You weren’t looking at him like he was dangerous. You were looking at him with concern,” Aaron says it like it disgusts him. Andrew doesn’t blame him. It disgusts him too. 

“I don’t trust him,” Andrew says, truthfully. 

“Good. You shouldn’t,” Aaron says. 

“Good, because I don’t,” Andrew parrots back at him. 

“I like him,” Nicky says, like his opinion has any weight.

“You would,” Aaron mutters, mostly under his breath. But they let go of the conversation. Andrew doesn’t sleep that night. Just stared up at the ceiling in the bed alone, listening to Nicky and Aaron in the bed next to him, wondering what Neil is up too, wondering if he’s managed to say no yet. If he’s ever managed to say no. Andrew doesn’t like the sick feeling pulling in his stomach. He drowns in it, all night long. 

The interview the next day isn’t anyone’s best. Everyone was happy to see Neil in one piece and relatively fine compared to the night before, but they are still distracted by his presence. Even Seth is distracted, wondering what’s got the ready of them so distracted. The interviewers hype up their game tomorrow night, but Neil seems to be the only one truly excited. Even Kevin is off his game. Andrew says nothing, just smiles his manic smile and wards off any comments. 

Andrew grabs Neil when they finally get to the airport for their flight back home. He settles them in a secluded section by a window. 

“What’s the brand mean?” Andrew asks. Neil sighs.

“The seven point star is the symbol of the Moriyamas. You can only get it tattooed if you are high up in the organization. Ichirou demanded it after he saw the Hatford crest,” Neil explains. 

“But yours is branded,” Andrew says. Neil sighs again, like he was hoping Andrew wouldn’t push further. 

“If it’s tattooed it means that you are high up in the organization. My father had it tattooed. But,” he looks away, staring out the window as of wishing he could just hop on one of the outgoing flights and be anywhere but where he is. “But being branded means your inner circle. It’s very prestigious. It’s rare for men to get branded without having the tattoo first. I’m special,” his tone is so acidic that it burns. 

“What does that mean for you?” Andrew asks. 

“In a lot of ways, it’s good. I’ve been elevated to more then property. I’m more respected. I out rank everyone except Ichirou and his father,” Neil says. 

“But?” Andrew asks waiting for the drop. 

“But I’m never going to be able to leave. More then even before, I belong to him. And I always will,” Neil looks broken “I’ll never be able to leave him, never escape even through exy. Everything I am is for him now,” 

Andrew wants to barf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was low key wild and really fun to write. Next up: their first game! Let me know what you think and as always thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

The court is lit up, the crowd is loud and Neil has never felt more alive then when he’s stepping out onto his first real court game. He had scrimmaged as a raven, but he’d never played a real game. And even though he hasn’t started playing yet he’s quickly found himself addicted. Seth is walking towards him, already having played the first quarter of the first half. Because of Andrew and Kevin’s best efforts the score is at 0-5 with them in the lead. Everyone, even Wymack is shocked at Andrew’s efforts against one of the best teams in the league. Jean, who’s going in with him to take Alison’s spot looked at him consideringly. 

“What? I said I would handle it,” Neil tells him. 

He spots Riko in the crowd. He had showed up, trying to throw off the three ex-ravens. But Jean and Kevin looked to Neil and when they saw that he was unshakable, they played along. And when Neil looks to Kevin as he walks onto the court he finds his big brother staring at him, not Riko’s demanding presence in the stands. 

“Be careful,” Kevin asks coming over to him as the door is being relocked. “You still have those stitches, and your not over that concussion. Don’t do anything dangerous.” 

“Aye aye,” Neil says, smiling at him, bumping their shoulders together before he runs to his starting line. 

And suddenly he’s flying. He’s speeding up the court, around the other team, avoiding the player that they warned him about, the gorilla, snagging the ball from the other strikers, then passing the ball to Kevin and sprinting up towards his opponent’s goal. He’s there just in time to catch the pass Kevin’s managed to sling to him. And it’s not even been thirty seconds and Neil has scored his first collegiate goal. And because he’s an asshole who can’t stop himself, he smiles a shit eating grin and points up to where Riko is sitting, dedicating the goal to the evil git who stares down at him, seemingly unimpressed. 

Kevin grabs the back of his jersey and drags him back to their side of the court. “If I believed in god I’d be asking him why he hates me so much to give me a brother like you,” 

Neil laughs and gets in position. “And I’m not even the crazy brother,” 

Kevin sighs. “That’s debatable,” play resumes before Neil can retort. 

The rest of the game passes too quick for Neil’s tastes. Their opponents defense crumbles in the face of Neil and Kevin and for the rest of the first half Andrew continues to shut down the goal. When Renee goes into the goal in the second half she lets in five shots, which isn’t really a testament to her lack of skill, so much as it is a testament to Andrew’s extreme amount of skill. But the damage is done at that point, with the end score being 5-11 with the foxes in the lead, Neil having scored 4 of the goals himself, Seth scoring 2 and Kevin scoring the remaining 4. 

Dan is screaming and hugging Matt, Nicky is jumping up and down hugging anyone who allows it. Kevin has a small satisfied smile curling at his lips. Jean is smiling full on, a hand on both his and Kevin’s shoulders. Andrew looks. Well Andrew looks just as too-big smiled crazy as always. 

But it’s Allison’s worried face that catches his eye. He follows her gaze where she’s looking at Seth. He’s frowning and glaring at him, Jean and Kevin. When Neil catches his eye he frowns and storms off. The rest of the team follows but Neil hangs back, waving Kevin and Jean, and even a hesitant Andrew ahead. He catches up with Allison. 

“What’s wrong?” Neil asks her. 

“I’m worried about Seth,” she says not mincing her words. 

“Why,” Neil asks. When it comes to threats, Neil had never really worried about Seth. Sure he burned hot with rage sometimes, but he left him and his family alone outside of practice and seemed to be kept somewhat in check by Allison. Lately he’s seemed more mad then ever, but Neil was used to players mad and jealous of his talent from his time as a raven, and assumed it was mostly because Seth and Allison had been more off then on lately. 

“He’s been asking questions, being too curious about what’s going on with you. I think he feels left out and confused. He’s been talking about ‘getting to the bottom’ of your deal with the Moriyamas,” Allison tells him. They walk past where Dan and Kevin are addressing the press to a quick area outside of Abby’s office. 

“What are you afraid of Allison?” He asks her. She hesitates before answering, clearly of breaking his trust. 

“I can’t help if you don’t tell me,” he tells her. And she looks at him, really looks. Then she nods. 

“Im afraid that he’ll do something stupid that will get him killed,” she says. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do about that,” Neil tells her. Seth brings the rest of the team down, that’s just a fact. But still. He’s a fox. And Neil has grown fond of the foxes as a whole, even if he’s yet to love every member. 

“Just. If he goes to far, try to help him?” Allison asks. 

“I’ll do what I can. But if he’s digging in stuff like this,” Neil shrugs. If he’s digging in stuff like this, it might get him killed, Neil doesn’t say. But she gets it. 

“I know. But,” she says and shrugs helplessly. 

“I’ll do what I can if it comes to it,” Neil tells her. She nods gratefully. 

“Hey asshole, get your own girlfriend,” Seth says as he rounds the corner to find them huddled close in quiet conversation. 

“But Seth,” Allison says in a too sweet voice, “you don’t have a girlfriend,” 

Seth opens his mouth but Neil slips behind him before he can hear what bullshit Seth’s about to say. 

He slips into the locker room where he’s met with a tense silence. He sees the source of that tension leaning against one of the lockers, with his back turned to Neil. 

Riko turns around to look at him, distain all over his face. It’s unnatural to see him surrounded by so much orange. 

“Good game, brother,” Riko’s voice drips down Neil’s spins like cold congealed slime. Kevin and Jean find their way behind Neil so they flank him. He feels a little better with them at his back. 

“Thanks, but you didn’t have to come all the way down here to support little old us,” Neil says, motioning to him and his family. 

Wymack opens the door, and seems shocked at the scene, Neil, Jean and Kevin all poised for a fight with Riko and his guards, while the foxes watch with interest at a safe distance. “What the hell is going on here?” He asks. 

“Just congratulating my brothers,” Riko says. “You both played a great game,” 

“Good you said it, now get out,” Wymack demands. 

“Oh. Let me give one last congratulations to my dear baby brother,” Neil’s whole body stands on edge. He knows it’s about to be bad. He feels Kevin and Jean tense behind him, they all know his tone too well “Did you all know that he managed to sleep his way into my brother’s inner circle. That really is impressive, to manage to fuck your way into one of the highest positions of the biggest criminal organization out there. Did you all know that you in the presence of one of the most successful whores of all times?” 

“Get out,” Andrew’s voice whips through the silence of the room. Neil turns his head around, but almost doesn’t believe that it was Andrew that issued the order until he speaks again “Get the fuck out,” 

“You heard the midget,” a new female voice breaks over. Neil whips his head over once more to see Charlie standing in the doorway. “Get the fuck out,” 

Riko smirks but leaves with his guards, knowing the damage is done. 

“God what a total wanker,”Charlie says shaking her head. 

“You’re in America, speak American,” Neil tells her. She has the decency to laugh at their old lame shared joke. “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

“What you think I’d miss your first game?” She asks. 

“Who the fuck are you and how the fuck do you people keep getting past security?” Wymack asks. He looks at the end of his rope. Neil doesn’t blame him. 

“Oh no, don’t lump me in with that rat fucker,” Charlie demands. “I’m Charlotte Hatford, Neil’s cousin,” 

“Ah, related to Neil,” Wymack nods like that explains it all. 

“You had a good game Nate, Stewart and company will be pleased,” she tells him. 

“Is that vintage YSL?” Allison asks, somewhat impatiently for no reason. He sees Charlie give her a considering look. 

“Oh this old thing?” Charlie asks waving at her bag. “I believe so, I just threw it on,” even Neil knows that’s not true. Charlie has never just ‘thrown something on’ in her life. 

“It’s stunning. I’m Allison,” Allison introduces herself with a smile that has Seth scowling. Charlie goes over to shake her hand. And then lingers before turning around. 

“Frog,” Charlie greats Jean, who nods with a scowl back at her. “Kevin” Charlie practically purrs.  
“Would you do me the honor of walking me back to my car and to my hotel?” She asks. Kevin nods eagerly. “You as well Allison?” 

“If you need someone to walk you to your car-“ Neil starts to offer before Kevin kicks him with too much force at the back of his knee. “What?” Neil asks. Then it dawns on him what she’s really asking. “Oh. Gross,” Everyone’s ignoring him though, instead watching as Charlie grabs Kevin’s hand in her right, and Allison’s in her left and marches them out. 

Kevin turns to look at him “You’ll be okay?” He asks in quiet French. Neil nods, and Kevin lets himself be matched out. Allison manages to turn back and wink at them before she leaves. No one is surprised when Seth punches a locker a second later. 

“You sure you’ll be okay?” Jean asks Neil in quiet French, while the rest of the room launches into excited gossiping about what just happened. But Jean hasn’t forgotten what else got revealed that night. 

“Im fine,” Neil tells him. 

Neil looks away and finds Andrew’s eyes staring right at him. It looks like Jean wasn’t the only one to remember the other secrets now in the open. 

Andrew’s eyes burn through him and Neil has never been more seen. He hates it. He knows Andrew is going to have to ask him about it. And he knows, he’s going to have to lie. 

—————————————

Neil’s waiting for him on the roof. Andrew huddles over towards him and sits down as close to Neil as he’ll let himself. Andrew lights a cigarette and looks out at the night sky. 

“Lets get it over with,” Neil demands. And Andrew was going to get rich into it, but Neil’s bossy tone has him on edge. 

“Your cousin is something,” Andrew says instead. 

“Andrew,” Neil snaps, tone fierce. “If your not going to ask for your truth then I’m going the fuck to sleep,”

“So your fucking Ichirou?” Andrew asks. It’s supposedly what Neil wanted to hear, yet the blue eyed demon flinches hard at the accusation. He gets up and starts pacing. Stops, turns back around and looks Andrew in the eyes. 

“Yes,” Neil admits. He looks sick from the simple word. 

“Is it more of a sleep your way to the top move or more of an you’re my property so I can fuck you whenever I want kind of thing?” Andrew asks, even though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer. He just wants to see how bad Neil will lie about it. 

“It’s not like that,” the liar lies. 

“Then what is it like?” Andrew asks. “You sleep with him and in return he keeps you and your little family safe?” 

“No, he’s doing that because we are property. And Riko would kill us if we stayed. I was telling the truth when I said I convinced him of that,” Neil says. 

“But you’re sleeping with him in exchange for something else?” Andrew asks. Neil looks away and starts pacing again. 

“It’s not like that,” the liar once again lies. “It’s not like what you are imagining. It’s not rough, it’s not painful, it’s not even that bad,” 

Jesus Christ. This fucking kid. He can tell Neil believes that too. Believes that that’s what sex is. 

“It’s not rape,” Andrew says. “That’s what you’re trying to say. That he’s not raping you,” 

“No,” Neil says horrified, once again stopping pacing to look at him. 

“Do you want it?” Andrew asks. Neil just looks at him. “Do you want to have sex with him?” 

Neil’s shrug is vomit inducing. Andrew lets Neil work it over in his head. Until he sees Neil just shake his head and put it out of his mind. Andrew gets it, really he out of anyone gets it. But he still feels sick by it. 

“You never told me, what he gave you in exchange to be able to fuck you,” Andrew informs him. Neil’s pacing again. Until he sighs and finally comes back to sitting next to Andrew on the edge. 

“I can’t. It’s the one truth that I can’t give you yet. But by the end of the year, I promise,” Neil pleads with him. 

“Your promise doesn’t mean shit to me if you can’t keep your word,” Andrew’s tone is harsh and sour. 

“I said I would try to tell the truth. And I have, even when it burned. But this truth,” Neil shakes his head. Andrew supposes that Neil’s right. He was only promised that Neil would try. And, if he’s being honest with himself, Andrew doesn’t want to let these rooftop chats with this pretty, interesting, broken boy go. So he sighs. 

“Fine. In place of this one truth, you’ll come with me to Eden’s tomorrow. And stay until Monday. There will be no drugging attempts, and you can bring your boys. But you have to come." See, Andrew can compromise. Fuck you Nicky. 

“Deal, once I peel Kevin out of Charlie’s bed in the morning we can go,” Neil tells him. Andrew hands him a lit cigarette and watches as the idiot breathes in the smoke without bringing it to his mouth. What a fucking idiot. Can’t even smoke a cigarette right. Andrew watches him out of the corner of his eye and thinks to himself that he can’t believe he’s so attracted to the biggest dumbass he’s ever met in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Is this even more wild then the last chapter? Fucking probably. But as always I had a lot of fun and I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!!


	10. Chapter 10

“And you’re just like. Going to go with them?” Allison repeats. They are in Charlie’s over the top hotel room. Neil didn’t even know that the holiday inn near the college had pent house suite, but of course his cousin managed to find it. Jean was waiting out in the car, having sent Neil in to collect Kevin before they left for Columbia. Jean had wanted no part of “the fuck show circus” as he had called Charlie and his two other teammate’s activities. Neil also wanted no part in it but he figured that as fucked up as it was, it was his cousin and his brother, so he was the most responsible. 

“Again, yes Allison. I am going to Eden’s, and yes Kevin has said that he’s coming with. So yes me, Kevin, and Jean are going with Andrew, Nicky, and Aaron to Columbia,” Neil explains it to her like she’s a child, but in all fairness he has had to repeat himself three times now. Kevin is still groggy with morning and slow with sex. Neil hates the fact that he knows that, but someone had to be lookout when Kevin was a young hormonal teen surrounded by other young hormonal teens at Edgar Allen. Otherwise he would’ve gotten himself beat half to death by a jealous Riko. He’s the only one still not dressed in bed, the girls are mostly put together. 

“The last time you went with him,” Allison replies in the same tone he gave her “he tried to drug you in order to get you to tell the truth. So excuse me if I don’t quite understand why you’re going,” 

“He did what?” Charlie asks, tone sharp. 

“It’s fine, we’ve moved past it,” Neil tells her. She opens her mouth “Charlie I’m serious it’s fine, drop it,” 

She sighs but nods. She’s at the vanity putting makeup on her already pretty face and Allison is finishing the bucking the delicate clasp of her impossibly high heeled sandals. Kevin is watching her bent over figure in blatant interest and if Neil, who’s standing awkwardly because he’s afraid to touch anything in the room, didn’t already hate his life, this would be the point where he’d start. 

“For fuck’s sake Kevin,” Neil complains. 

“You’re the one that told me to get laid,” Kevin defends. “Shit, you even suggested Allison,” 

“The boy has good taste,” Allison says. 

“The boy has awful taste,” Charlie says. “But even a half blind impotent monk could know that you are stunning, darling,” 

“The boy is standing right here,” Neil snaps. Allison’s smile is brighter then the sun 

Kevin is still staring at Allison’s ass, and it cannot possibly take the long to buckle a sandal. 

“You shouldn’t go,” Allison reiterates. Neil shrugs. She turns to look at Kevin finally straightening up. “You shouldn’t let him go,” 

“You think I let him do anything?” Kevin asks. 

“Can you please get dressed? We need to go,” Neil presses Kevin, ignoring their conversation about him. 

“Youu should at least try to talk him out of it,” Allison says going to sit very primly next to Kevin's knees on the bed. Kevin puts a hand on her hip in an easy sign of affection that punches a breath out of Neil. Ichirou did that to Neil sometimes after sex, causal touches that meant nothing to him, but felt like irons pressing into Neil’s skin every time. Neil looks away and takes a deep breath. If anyone notices his mini break down they don’t say anything. 

“Neil is there anything Kevin can say to talk you out of this?” Charlie asks him, startling him back into his body in this moment. 

“No, I made a deal,” Neil tells her. 

“Fine,” Allison says, finally giving up. She looks at Kevin, who looks at her a little too softly. Kevin’s always been a weak bitch like that, too soft to the people he’s slept with. Neil’s never really understood that. He’s never felt soft towards Ichirou after. Although the little lord can get like that with Neil. He notices Allison is the same as Kevin, even though she’s making an attempt to hide it. “Just look out for him okay?” She asks him. “And look out for yourself. It’s only been one game but I’ve already grown fond of winning. And I would appreciate it if that could continue,” 

Kevin nods as if that’s a reasonable request. Neil supposed it is. 

“Oh course, he’s my brother,” Kevin tells her. No one seems more surprised then Allison when she leans in to give Kevin a soft peck. Neil clears his throat. They break apart and Kevin finally starts getting dressed. Charlie looks impassive to the whole thing, and Neil remembers why he loves his cousin. They say goodbye to Charlie after Kevin finishes getting dressed. They give Allison a ride back into campus, with Jean grumbling the whole way about how long it took them to retrieve Kevin and how long he had to wait in the car. 

Allison parts ways with them in the hall way, with a kiss on the cheek and a soft, ‘that was fun’ for Kevin that Neil pretends not to hear and a stern ‘be careful’ for Neil. 

Kevin’s pretty mellow as they pack for the rest of the weekend, which Neil is fine with as long as he doesn’t think about it too hard. Jean is fretting like a mother hen up for slaughter though, pacing around the room, muttering in French about his he’s positive that they are forgetting something. He’s still grumpy when they meet the monsters, as Allison calls them, out in front of the elevator. He’s handed a bag and given the instructions that he’ll need to change when they get to Columbia. 

They drive down separately and meet up at the house that Kevin tells him that Nicky somehow owns. Neil dutifully changes in the bathroom into the clothes that have been provided for him. They are, in two words: tight and black. But while tight, they don’t reveal that much skin, so Neil lets it happen without much complaint. 

The six of them squeeze into a booth meant for five, with Andrew on one end and Neil on the other. Kevin gets put next to Nicky, who immediately takes advantage of the situation to ask what feels like a million questions about his activities last night, all of which have Neil sighing in absolute annoyance. 

“Look, it was a threesome,” Kevin shrugs, finally getting annoyed as well. “It was a good one but it was just a threesome,” 

“You know for most people, who aren’t the son of exy, a threesome is a big deal,” Aaron says. Kevin manages to look purplexed by this news. “And arent you dating Thea?” 

Neil sighs and wonders how this became his life. He doesn’t even like sex. He sees Andrew staring at him from across the table, so he rolls his eyes at the blond. 

“Sex and dating is different at the nest,” Jean explains. “No ones allowed to date, but sex isn’t banned. It’s almost encouraged, as a way to get frustration out and not have everyone murder each other. It’s much more casual there” 

Aaron considers that while Nicky’s eyes light up. “So Kevin,” he starts to purr. “If it was a little more causal, did you ever manage to experiment,” Neil knows that tone but he doesn’t get what Nicky’s asking. 

“I’m not gay,” Kevin says. “I can’t be, I have to make court,” Neil and Jean snort at the same time. 

“It’s not gay if it’s a three way,” Kevin defended. Riko said it to him once as a joke when they were fifteen and Neil was twelve. He hadn’t really understood it at the time, but it seems Kevin had taken it to heart. 

“That’s not how it works,” Andrew informs him. Nicky looks thrilled at this turn of events. 

“So Thea just doesn’t care?” Aaron asks. 

“No I texted her about it and she just said that she was proud of me for the game and to have fun,” Kevin gets this gross smile on his face. His tone isn’t so much cocky as it is fond remembrance “and it was fun,” 

He’s in his own bubble to the point where he misses how every single person, besides, Nicky, glares at him. 

They eat as Sweeties again, like they did last time, and go to Eden’s again, like they did last time. Jean’s stiff, ready for the fight, any fight really. But Kevin’s gone with the monsters too many times to be on edge. And, Neil’s shocked to find, at some point he’s assumed that he’s somewhat safe with Andrew. He’d be ready for situation if one arose, he always is, but for the most part he’s not worried for him or his family around the smiling blond. 

It’s not until Kevin has followed Andrew to the bar to get drinks that Nicky leans in to talk to Neil. 

“Jesus, you weren't kidding about Kevin needing to get laid. He’s like, another person,” Nicky tells him. Aaron actually bothers to nod in agreement. Neil shrugs, not sure how to answer that. Nicky sets his eyes on Jean. “And what about you? Which way do you swing?” 

Jean just fixes Nicky a look. Neil has gotten that look before, and he’s impressed that Nicky just manages to stare at him back, curiosity still in tact. “Neil is gay, Kevin is at least bi-curious, what about you Jean?” 

Andrew and Kevin return with the drinks as Neil responds “I’m not gay,” 

“Sorry I just assumed because you’re having sex with a dude. Your bi then. Now what about you frenchie?” Nicky pushes ahead. 

“Don’t call me that,” Jean says in the same moment Kevin crinkles his brow and says “Neil’s not bi,” 

Jean takes a mixed drink in front of they tray in the time that it takes Kevin to take four shots. Andrew hands Neil a closed can of soda. Neil nods in recognition. 

“You are currently having sex with a man, yes or no?” Nicky asks him. Neil hesitates for long enough that it becomes awkward. Everyone’s eyes are him, but he’s just looking at Andrew. He thinks about what Andrew told him last night, about what he left unsaid. That he thinks what’s happening to Neil is rape. Neil hasn’t let himself think about it for that long, hadn’t let himself stew in it. He knows the second he does, the second he really thinks about it. He’d agree with Andrew. And for fucks same, he really doesn’t want to agree with the blond bastard. Not about this. Not when he’s going to have to go back to Ichirou, the next time he’s beaconed. 

“Yes,” Neil say, rubbing a hand to the brand on his chest. 

“Then your at least bi,” Nicky informs him. But Neil still shakes his head. 

“I don’t swing,” Neil tells him. Nicky opens his mouth, probably to argue but Andrew cuts him off. 

“Go dance, Nicky,” he orders. Nicky’s eyebrows knit together, but he still goes, dragging Aaron along with him. 

“Go ahead,” Neil allows, and Kevin and Jean follow them away, Jean with a cocked head at Neil, like he’s seeing something new in him that he doesn’t understand yet. 

Neil doesn’t understand that look, but he turns back to Andrew. Andrew’s looking at him too. But it hits Neil in a different place. A place he doesn’t have a name for. 

And later that night, when Andrew gives him a key, it grows stronger. It’s the first thing anyone has given him, outside of the Moriyamas or the nest. It’s the first thing Neil hasn’t had to take. And on the too crowded couch in the living room, where he’s pressed up against Kevin, he falls asleep tracing the outline of it. Wondering if Andrew knows what it means to a kid the Neil. Thinks that he probably does. 

————————————————— 

They are in the gym, and Andrew lets himself glance at Neil after every rep of twelve. He’s never done bicep curls so fast in his life. 

“Neil,” Matt calls across to him from where he’s doing squats with Allison and Dan. Neil looks over to him from where he’s keeping a steady pace on the treadmill. “How do you know how to fight so well? Kevin’s a raven too but he doesn’t know how to fight,” 

“My dad and his people taught me,” Neil tells him. 

“If you ever want someone to spar with I’m willing,” Renee offers him. 

“Oh can I watch?” Allison asks, seeming a touch to interested. 

“What now?” Neil asks. 

“Why not?” Andrew says. Everyone looks at him shocked that he contributing, somewhat positively to a conversation. He’s seen flashes of how quick and deadly Neil can be, but he wants to see him in action. See what kind of weapon he’s serving as for the Moriyamas. 

“Yeah, C’mon. I wanna see,” Nicky prods. 

“Consider it a truth,” Andrew tells the hesitating Neil. After the last time he asked for one and was refused, he knew that Neil wouldn’t say no. So he’s not surprised when Neil nods and gets off the treadmill. They move over to where there are padded mats, and the foxes make a ring around Neil and Renee. 

“Knives or no knives?” Renee asks. 

Neil considers before saying. “How about an old game? One knife in the middle. Whoever gets to it first had the advantage. And we’ll see from there,” 

Renee nods and Neil looks at Jean, who reaches into his back and pulls out a switchblade, no bigger then his palm. He throws it to Neil who snatches it out of the air before going to set it equal distance between them. 

Dan whistles, a sign for them to start, and Neil takes a step forwards, but lets Renee dart forward to grab the blade. Cocky. But. 

The thing is: Renee is a better fighter then Andrew. She beats him 7 out of 10 times when they spar, and that’s only because Renee never tries to go 100%. But, Andrew realizes when they start, that this is Renee trying her hardest, moving her fastest, punching her hardest, thinking as far ahead as she can with each strike. And she’s goddamn amazing. 

But she’s no match for Neil. 

He strikes faster, dodges with more flexibility, moves like he already knows he’s won the fight. The foxes, even Andrew who had some idea of what the boy was capable of, watch him move in amazement. He doesn’t really strike out to Renee, instead letting her charge at him over and over again, most of the time moving out of the way of the swiping blade, occasionally placing a well placed hit on her. He slinks through Renee’s carefully crafted wall of kindness, managing to get the girl angry, to get her pushing herself a little too hard. She grits her teeth and strikes out harder and harder, but Neil doesn’t change his strategy, only dodging out of her way. 

After a while, just as the fight is starting to get a little boring, Neil finally makes a move. He grabs Renee’s now-tired arm when she slashed out with the knife, and twists her arm in a move that has her dropping the knife and being yanked back into Neil. Neil grabs the knife with his other hand before it tumbles onto the ground. He brings it up to Renee’s throat, with a satisfied smile on his face. Renee huffs, knowing she’s had. 

Neil drops the knife from her throat and steps back. 

“Wow you’re good,” he tells her, like he didn’t just have a knife to her throat. “How long was that?” 

“Twelve minutes,” Matt tells him in an awed voice. 

“Really good,” Neil tells Renee again. 

“How long do people usually last?” Dan asks incredulous. 

“Most can’t even last ten minutes. There was a man a couple weeks ago that lasted almost fifteen. But he was really pissed at me at the time,” Neil tells them. He doesn’t clarify what he did to piss of the man. They don’t dare ask. 

“How long have you been playing that game?” Allison asks. 

“Huh?” Neil says, going over to tuck the knife in his bag and grab a drink of water. 

“You said that that was an old game. How old?” She clarifies. 

“Oh. The first time I played I was ten,” he says, then gets so lost in his memories that he doesn’t notice all of them flinching. Andrew can imagine too well a mini version is Neil racing ahead for a knife while a full grown man stands, ready to tear the child apart. “Remember Kevin, god you were so bad at stitches. I came back and you were shaking the entire time. ” 

Kevin gives a weak laugh. It seems more traumatized then amused. “You looked,” Kevin shakes his head. “You looked rough. It was a lot,” 

Neil shrugs. “I learned. Eventually,” he wipes his forehead and then goes back to the treadmill. He misses the foxes giving each other concerned looks. He misses Andrew looking at him like he’s a puzzle with never ending new pieces. He just starts back up his steady pace as he looks ahead.


	11. Chapter 11

“So Kevin hasn’t acted any different towards her at all?” Matt asks Neil. They are in the girls room, with Renee and Dan’s concerned eyes on him. 

“No. But Kevin wouldn’t act differently towards her,” Neil tells them. Kevin’s a little softer for maybe twenty four hours after he’s slept with someone, but after that, he goes back to his normal asshole self. Neil’s seen enough to know that that’s not uncommon. He’s been around it enough to know if anyone’s still soft from sex after a day, it’s probably more than just sex that’s making them soft to begin with, it’s probably something bigger than sex. 

But Kevin’s shown no indication of that, so Neil thinks that at least in that regard the team is safe. In other regards, like the screaming match Allison and Seth are having in the next room, the team may be in trouble. 

“It’s fine if there was. It’s just, it would be messier. Allison and Seth are either going to end up engaged after this fight, or they are never going to talk to each other. Either way it’s best that Kevin’s as involved as little as possible,” Dan tells him. Neil nods. He agrees totally, and tells her as much. She sighs and looks away. There’s something else, Neil can tell. Another reason why he was brought into their room. The silence is a heavy one. 

“What’s up, Matt?” He asks, trying to pick off the weak link. 

“We’re worried about you. After what Riko said after the last game, we just wanted,” Matt stops. Like he’s not sure what exactly they want. 

“We know that you are strong and that you can protect yourself. We watched you fight. But sometimes there’s more to surviving then fighting. Sometimes you need people to lean on,” Dan fills in where Natt pulled out. 

“And Neil, I understand,” Renee tells him. “I wasn’t in the international big times like you, but I was still in once. If you need anyone, even just to spar or talk, any one of us is here,” 

Neil is trapped in their sticky, easy affection. He’s never been offered any sort of support, he’s always had to be the strong one. Always had to be the one supporting others. He doesn’t know what to do with it now that he apparently has it. 

“Thank you. I’ve never-“ Neil starts when suddenly a loud crash sounds in the hall, and Neil notices a the sharp silence where screaming used to be. He’s racing to the hall with Dan, Matt, and Renee at his heals. He sees Seth’s arm sticking out of the plaster of the walls in the hallway wall where he punched through.

“Seth!” Dan exclaims. Suddenly the rest of the Foxes are out in the hallway. Andrew catches his eye from across the hall, and he hears Jean’s soft French swears. Just then Neil’s burner rings. The whole team freezes, even Seth with his arm still stuck in the wall. It would actaully be a funny picture if it wasn’t also so horrible. They are silent even though they can’t understand him when answers in Japanese. 

“Hello?” Neil answers. 

“Nathaniel,” Ichirou’s voice pours at him from the end of the line. “I need you in Charleston for the night. You’ll be back in time for classes in the morning. I’m hosting for some Israeli business and your services are needed,” 

Ichirou has other translators, this Neil knows, but he’s not surprised that he got the call, not with Charleston so close. 

“Yes, My lord,” Neil says. He feels everyone’s eyes on him. Kevin groans and Jean moves forward like he can shield him. 

“Good. The car will be outside in a half an hour,” Ichirou tells him. 

“Yes my lord. See you tonight,” he says before he hangs up. 

He looks at his team, all of whom are looking at him. Seth’s arm is still in the wall. “I’m needed in Charleston for tonight. Translation work. I’ll be back before class tomorrow. And for fucks sake, someone get Seth’s arm out of the wall,” Neil orders. Before he’s in his room Andrew calls out to him in German. 

“Say no if you need to,” 

Neil nods tightly before he heads into his room. Jean follows him in and helps him pack. Kevin watches helplessly. 

“I thought you said it was just translation work?” Kevin asks, watching Neil put all of his guns into his duffle. 

“Just in case,” Neil shrugs. 

He’s in the car less then an hour later, and in front of Ichirou in less then two hours. He’s dressed in a very expensive suit, and feed a very nice dinner while he pretends to be just a clueless pretty face and listens to the two beautiful Israeli women while they talk to Ichirou about another arms deal. They speak English, but Ichirou is more interested in their little asides to each other in Hebrew while he starts the process of negotiating. They are impressed with what they’ve seen so far, but they are not sure that the guarantees of safety and security that the Moriyama a can offer are worth the heavy price. He tells Ichirou as much in soft Japanese and watches as Ichirou’s pitch slowly starts to incorporate horror stories of organizations being shit down after buying from competitors, because they just didn’t have the reach that the Moriyamas managed. 

Ichirou was as happy as Ichirou ever is after they leave with the deal being signed. Neil knows to because it’s his first big deal to go through, start to finish, without his father interfering at all. Ichirou will win respect for this, trust from the organization as Kengo’s health is declining. Ichirou has never seemed more poised to take over smoothly. 

Ichirou’s happiness is exhausting for Neil, as he lays on his back in the little lords bed, taking Ichirou’s enthusiasm again and again until he manages to exhaust himself out. Neil feels wrung out and shakey as Ichirou falls asleep next to him. He can’t get Andrew’s words out of his head, can’t manage to not ask himself if he was just raped. He sneaks off to throw up twice in the night. It’s almost day break when he hears Ichirou get the call. 

His voice, at first groggy from sleep, sharpens. Afterwards he turns to Neil. 

“There’s trouble. With one of your teammates.” Ichirou tells him, all traces of a good mood gone. Neil holds back a shudder “Gordon has been taken by some of your fathers men. They aren’t letting him go until they see you. It’s a trap,” 

Neil nods, gets up, “I’ll take care of it,” 

—————————————

When Andrew gets back from dinner with Aaron, he finds Jean and Kevin waiting for him outside his door. Allison, Dan, and Matt all watch from the doorway of the girl’s room. 

“Can we help you?” Aaron asks in a rather rude tone. And sometimes Andrew remembers why he likes his brother. 

“We need a minute with Andrew,” Jean says. They are both trying their best to look intimidating. And it would be successful, if Andrew gave even the tiniest of shit about what they had to say. Aaron raises a brow to him and Andrew nods in dismissal, then watches his brother escape into their room. 

Andrew’s tempted to follow and to tell them to fuck off, but despite himself, he’s curious. He nods and then follows them to the room they share with Neil. 

“Fine, don’t let us be nosey,” Allison huffs. Kevin bothers to flip her off over his shoulder. Allison huffs again, but more amused. Which, interesting. 

“Whatever,” she says to Dan and Matt. “You and Dan can have your room tonight, Seth’s fucked off to god knows where.”

Andrew steps into their room, letting the door shut behind him. He wanders around the starkly empty room while the other boys get comfortable sitting on a desk by the window. Andrew faces them. 

“You need to let Neil out of whatever deal you’ve got him in,” Kevin demands of him, as if he had any right to demand anything of him. 

“Wow,” Andrew says. He sees Kevin flinch slightly. “You of all people, do not get to tell me what I need to do when it comes with deals,” 

“It was never going to last,” Kevin tells him, “our deal was never something that could’ve lasted without Neil. I have nothing to offer you,” Kevin tells him in rare honesty. 

“He’s got too much going on. He doesn’t need another situation to has to deal with,” Jean tells him, his voice calmer. 

“That deal is the only thing that’s keeping me playing,” Andrew tells them. Kevin nods, like he knows that was coming. 

“We’ll find another way,” Kevin says. Andrew’s thrown by that. He didn’t think that anything could trump exy im Kevin Day’s world. He wonders if Neil knows where he truly stands in Kevin’s heart. 

“That’s nice, but you don’t get a say in my deals,” Andrew dismisses them and turns to walk out. 

“He’s been having nightmares ever since the night after the game,” Jean tells him. Hearing the soft French accented voice, makes him pause. “After you talked to him on the roof, he started waking up screaming. Whatever you are doing to him, it needs to stop,” 

“Neil’s a big boy. He can make his own choices,” Andrew says, turning to look at them. Jean shakes his head and stands up. 

“Neil’s a lot of things,” Jean tells him. His voice has manages to lose it’s signature calm, it has an emotional edge that has Andrew leaning in. Jean’s eyes are fire. “He’s capable and strong, dangerous and obsessive. Hes able to look and see, really see what he’s looking at. He’s loyal, loyal to a fault. And all of that makes him a good man. A great man, even. But all of that also makes his vulnerable, especially when it comes to the people he protects. It’s up to us, to step up and try to have his back in return. That’s what we are doing. And we are saying you need to let him go,” 

Kevin nods his head. “Riko’s my brother by situation. Neil’s always been my brother by choice. He’s chosen me. And I’m choosing him back. And now I’m saying, you need to let him go,” 

“No,” Andrew tells them. He doesn’t know how to tell them that his deal with Neil slipped away from the original goal of getting information a long time ago. He doesn’t know how to tell them that it’s become about finding a way to understand the blue eyed devil. A way to see if he can reach what seems to be lost in Neil. “My deal starts and stops with Neil, no one else,” 

He leaves the room before he can see the fall out from his statement. He spends the rest of the night playing video games with Nicky and refusing to think about Neil and his merry bunch of assholes. 

It’s seven in the morning and Andrew is woken up by the sound of someone pounding on a door. He strikes out first, as he always does. Aaron and Nicky are quickly on their feet. It takes Andrew a second to realize that the pounding isn’t coming from his door. 

Nicky and Aaron trail him as they walk out into the hallway. 

“Neil?” Jean is asking concerned. Him and Kevin are already out watching their roommate pound on the door to the girls room. The door opens a second later, to a confused Renee. Dan and Matt stumble out of the room that Matt shared with Seth. 

“Jesus Neil,” Matt exclaims upon seeing the boy. Neil is covered in scratches and cuts, most of which are still bleeding out onto the linoleum floor. His nose looks to be broken and crooked, and the arm that’s not pounding on the door is hanging out of his socket at a weird angle. He’s covered in blood, a lot of which doesn’t even look to be coming from him. 

“Where’s Allison?” Neil demands. Kevin barks something out in harsh French. But Neil ignores it. 

“Allison,” he demands again. 

“I’m coming, oh my-“ Allison stops abruptly in front of Neil. Neil, who just a second ago was half yelling for her, now can’t seem to make her eyes. 

“Neil what the fuck?” She asks him. He takes a deep shuttering breath and looks up to meet her eyes. 

“I failed. I’m sorry, I couldn’t save him. There was just so many of them and there was no way for me to get the drop on them,” Neil lets out quickly. He’s in shock, Andrew realizes. Neil’s never been out of control. Even at his worst, he still managed to control every word that came out of his mouth. Andrew doesn’t know what to do with this version of Neil. Kevin and Jean are at his side in seconds, baracading him. He’s never seen either of them look so concerned. 

“Neil?” Allison stretches his name into a question. 

“I couldn’t save him,” Neil says  
“Seth is dead,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know it had to happen. 
> 
> I think this has been my fav chapter to write so far. I’m a bitch that lives for the dramatics, so the last scene really did it for me.  
> But let me know what you think! Thanks for reading


	12. Chapter 12

Neil is pacing. Up and down, up and down he traces a path in the room that used to belong to Matt and Seth. But now it only belongs to Matt. Because Neil failed. 

“Just sit down, we need to put your shoulder back in place and Jean needs to give you stitches,” Kevin demands in French. He and Jean are hovering over him, like Neil has two new shadows. The upperclassmen, what’s left of them are all smooshed onto Matt’s couch. Aaron and Nicky stand in the doorway behind Andrew. “And for fuck sake, close the door,” Kevin demands in English. Andrew steps into the room, and Neil feels his eyes on him like it’s a physical thing. Aaron and Nicky follow him in and shut the door. 

Neil grabs his phone. 

“Neil,” Kevin snaps, annoyed that Neil’s pacing again. 

“If I don’t call Ichirou and tell him I’m alive, he’s going to kill us all,” Neil means to say it in French, just for his family, but he’s pretty sure he’s in shock. Dan and Matt gasp at the honesty. Andrew and Renee tense up. Allison stares at him, just as blank and disbelieving as when he told her that Seth was dead. That he failed her. 

“Fucking fine,” Kevin says. “But sit the fuck down when you do,”

Neil sits while he dials the number. 

“Hello?” A person answers. 

“I need to speak to Ichirou. It’s Neil Josten calling,” he tells the person in English. 

“Ah Nathaniel. Ichirou’s been waiting to hear from you,” the person says in Japanese. “I’ll put you through,” 

While he waits, Kevin comes to sit besides him, to hold him down, while Jean kneels by the side of his injuried shoulder. He tells them to wait. 

“So you’re alive then?” Is the first thing Ichirou says to him. 

“Yeah. I’m fine. Seth’s not,” Neil tells him, in English. He wants them to hear it. Wants them to know that he fucked up. Wants them to hate him like he hates himself “I’m at school,” 

“And the bodies?” Ichirou asks. 

“The bodies are arranged like a mugging gone bad with Seth in the middle of it,” Neil. Allison whimpers at that. “Hold on,” he requests. He nods to Kevin and Jean. A flash of pain and a small whimper later, his shoulder is back where it should be. He nods again when Jean goes to his nose with nasal strips from his little med kit and tries to straighten out his nose. Jean waits for a last night nod before going to grab the needle and floss. 

“I told you not to go,” Ichirou tells him. 

“I had to try. I told someone here that I would try,” Neil explains to him. 

“And they were your fathers people?” Ichirou asks. 

“Yes,” Neil says simply as Jean wipes him with a disinfectant wipe. “Lola was there, she got away. I couldn’t get to Seth in time.” Kevin flinches at Lola’s name. He knows enough to be terrified of the woman who taught Neil how to fight. How to kill. “Jackson Plank is dead. It wasn’t near as slow and painful as he deserved. But still. One less to worry about,” 

There’s a savagery to his voice that reminds him so much of his father, that for a moment he wants to rip out his vocal cords. He looks up, and Andrew is staring at him, staring into him. Neil’s confused by the intensity, until he realizes that Andrew hasn’t had a chance to take his meds yet. That he’s sober. Sober and seeing into Neil and not flinching away at the ugliness of him. 

He looks at Allison. Locks eyes with her. And his voice is a promise. “The rest will die for what they did,”. Matt and Dan, and even Nicky look a little horrified at the words. But Allison nods, the first movement she’s made on her own after being lead to the coach. 

“And what will you tell your team?” He asks, as Jean drags the first stitch through his skin. Neil switches to Japanese 

“I can’t tell them about my father,” he tells him. “Not with what’s coming. They could get in the way. And I won’t let them get hurt again. I don’t know what I’ll tell them. But it’ll be clean,” 

“I know it will,” Ichirou tells him. “Ah. It’s a shame. It was such a wonderful night before all of the ugliness. I have yet to reward you for all that you’ve done,” 

“I’m not worried about it,” Neil tells him honestly. 

“And that’s what makes it so much fun,” Ichirou tells him as Jean pulls together a particularly nasty cut. Lola’s knife had slashed into him with such speed, even he had trouble dodging it. “Ah. Well, something to think about,” Ichirou says before he hangs up. 

“What happened?” Andrew demands the second Neil drops the burner. 

“Ichirou got a call in the middle of the night saying that Seth had been crawling around trying to find out more about me. It was men who used to be loyal to the Moriyamas who thought that by killing me, killing the butcher, they could, at least in part, weaken the Moriyamas. Seth was at the wrong place at the wrong time. They saw him snooping around, and they used it as an opportunity to try to trap me,” 

Andrew nods, not suspicious. Neil’s a little relieved to not have to deal with further interrogation. Jean rugs on his shirt. And Neil was dreading this part but he nods and lets Jean pull off his shirt so that he can tend to the cuts lining his shoulders. The room seems to breath at once. 

“Fuck Neil,” Nicky comments. The worst part isn’t the cuts, he knows those are brutal. It’s not the scars, which are worse, or the brand. It’s the hikeys that he’s covered in from his activities with Ichirou before the night went from terrible to nightmare fuel. Neil keeps speaking so no one else can. 

“And I so went, knowing it was a trap I still went, because I told you I would try. But it was nine people, most of them as good as me, some better, and an ambush, and I berely came out alive myself. But I promise. I can keep the rest of you safe. I swear. If you keep your nose clean, if you stay out of the way I’ll never let anything happen,” 

He doesn’t know why they would believe him. He’s already let them done once. But he’s found an escape here, a place he can hid from Ichirou and his father, and even himself. So he doesn’t think that he’s any more relieved then when Renee nods. 

“We’ll keep out of it Neil,” she assures him. “We believe you,” 

Neil says a soft “thank you,”. 

“I want to help,” Allison finally speaks up. “I want to help you kill the people that killed him,” 

Neil sigh. Then nods. It’s the least he can do. Teach her how to protect herself, give her a chance to feel revenge. He’ll never let her near the real killers, not in a million years. But. He can teach her. 

“Tomorrow at ten at night. I’ll come find you. Wear all black,” she nods. 

“Neil needs to sleep,” Jean says in a soft voice. He’s able to read Neil so well, read how he hasn’t slept in 24 hours that he’s dead on his feet. The upperclassmen nod and shuffle out, the Allison hidden in between them. 

“Go,” Andrew orders Aaron and Nicky. They go. Andrew turns to him and looks. 

“I thought I told you to say no,” he tells Neil. 

“We both know it doesn’t work like that,” Neil tells him. Andrew looks into him a little more before he turns and leaves. Kevin and Jean shuffle him to bed, and the second he hits the soft surface, he’s out like a light. 

 

———————————————

They all wait, that same afternoon. Wait and stare at the door of coach’s office that Wymack and Neil disappeared into fifteen minutes ago. Everyone besides Allison was there tucked into coaches and sitting in a heavy silence. 

Finally the door opened. The second Neil stepped outside, Abby was on him, checking his shoulder and nose and stitches, scolding him that he needs to come to her for injuries. 

“I don’t care if it’s four in the morning, you call me. The stitches are good, too good even, for someone without proper medical training. But what if there was something else wrong?” Abby tells him. Neil looks at her like she’s speaking a made up language that even he doesn’t understand. 

“Why?” Neil asks. 

“Because I’m a nurse,” she tells Neil. “This is what I was trained to do,” 

“We were punished if we went to the nurses at the Ravens. They couldn’t be trusted to keep their mouth shut. So I learned,” Jean tells Abby. Abby tries, valiantly to keep how she feels about that off her face, but she doesn’t quite manage. 

“I can keep my mouth shut. So you come to me,” she orders Neil. Neil nods. 

“I will. Can I play?” He asks. They have a game next Tuesday. “I’ve played with much worse,” he tells her. 

“If you can manage your shoulder by then, then yes. But no practicing until Monday,”   
Neil nods. 

“I talked to the ERC. We are fine for numbers because of Jean and Neil, but they aren’t happy with us right now,” Wymack tells the group. “We also have the fall banquet coming up, I expect you all to be on your best behavior for that,” 

Abby clears her throat, and gives Wymack a pointed look, but Andrew zones out when Wymack starts giving a speech about grief. He looks at Neil instead, who’s folded in on himself, and clearly aching. 

He knows what grief can do, has seen it tear his brother apart after Tilda died. He wonders how it will change Neil. 

Just another thing to add to his never ending list of questions about the boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so short, but I really wanted to focus on the after math of yesterday’s chapter. Hope you enjoy, thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

Neil knocks on Allison’s door at 9:55. She opens the door, and Neil tries his best not to react when he sees her. 

Her hair, normally perfectly blown out, hangs greasily around her face. Her face, normally perfectly made up, is free of any makeup. She looks exhausted. She doesn’t look like the same Allison. She’s wearing black and she nods when she looks at Neil. 

“You ready?” Neil asks her. She nods again and follows him out into his car. 

“What’s in the bag,” she asks, watching Neil placing his small duffel in the backseat. 

“You’ll see,” Neil tells her. She nods and he can’t help but worry about her. Allison wouldn't normally let that vagueness fly, so for her to be just sitting there... Neil looks ahead and tries not to feel the burden of guilt. 

They finally get to a field that Neil deems appropriately far enough away from any signs of life and he gets out of the car. He leaves the car lights on, so that they can see. Allison follows and watches as he goes to set up, putting water bottles and empty soda cans off on stumps further down in the field. He marches back to Allison, reaches into his bag, and pulls out a gun. This finally gets a reaction out of her. 

“I didn’t think we’d be doing that,” she responds. 

“What did you think I was bringing you all the way out for?" Neil asks her, his head cocked to the side. 

“I thought you were going to teach me how to fight,” she says with a shrug. 

“I can, if you want,” he tells her. “But guns are far more effective. I’d rather shoot my way then fist fight my way out any day,” 

She nods and agrees. She steps forward as if to take the gun from Neil. 

“Not yet,” he tells her. “I need to tell you how it works first,” 

“I know how guns work,” she says, and for a second he sees her come out through her grief. 

“Okay then which one is the safety?” He asks her. She looks and points. 

“This?” She asks. 

“No, that’s how you cock it,” he answers. She sighs, but allows him to teach her how to take the safety off, how to load bullets, how to stand, and most of all, how to aim and shoot. It’s almost been a half an hour of Neil explaining before Allison’s allowed to touch the gun and another fifteen minutes for her to actually shoot after Neil corrects her stance some more. 

When she finally squeezes the trigger, she feels her body buck at the power in her hands. Neil sees her smile for the first time since that terrible night. It’s a savage thing. And Neil’s glad for it. 

They don’t talk about Seth or what happened. They don't talk about exy or anything else but the guns in their hands. Neil’s glad for that too. 

It takes her a minute to warm up and understand where her body should be, but after a while her athletic instincts kick in, and she’s managing to hit the targets again and again. She’s good. Damn good. He tells her such, and sees that smile come out of her again. 

He gives her one of his guns after explaining how to take care of it, telling her to keep it safe but ready. She nods and cradles the silver handled gun, like it’s a lifeline. Like it’s what she needed. Neil’s more then happy to have given it to her, after what his taken away. 

They get back to his car and by the time they’ve driven back to the tower, it’s almost one in the morning. Allison tucks the gun Neil gave her into the back of her leggings, and the ammo into her hoodie pocket before they get out of the car. 

Her walk is different, Neil notices. Allison has always had a confident gait, a walk that dared to ask people who the fuck they thought they were. But now, her walk screamed that she was packing, that she wasn’t to be messed with. Neil is once again so glad for it, glad for the change from her walk out of the building from her walk into it. Glad to see her grab onto the bit of control Neil had offered. 

Andrew is waiting for Neil in the hallway when they enter their floor. He nods at them, and Allison nods back. He sees Andrew’s eyes track the change. Wonders if Andrew understands what that change means. 

Before Allison is in her room, she turns back to Neil and says, “Thank you, really.” 

“I told you, once a week,” Neil reminds her. It was one of the conditions for her getting the gun, that she would have to go target practicing with him once a week. She nods. 

“Also,” she tells him still in her doorway, “We need to get you a suit for the banquet, your going to be my date.” 

Neil chokes out a laugh at the command. Andrew snorts at it too. 

“I’m coming with,” Andrew informs them. “Tomorrow, after practice,” 

Allison squints at Andrew, but just nods once before going back into her room. 

Neil turns to Andrew, who looks half sober. He’s got a bottle of vodka in one hand and cigarettes in the other. He utters one word: “roof.” 

Neil nods and follows him up. 

 

—————————————— 

“Allison looks better,” Andrew tells the blue eyed boy. Neil nods. “But was the gun a good idea?” 

Neil sighs. “It’s protection. She needs to feel protected right now,” he smiles this smile that Andrew doesn’t know what to do with. This smile of pride mixed with savagery. “Besides, she’s one hell of a shot, so I wouldn’t worry,” 

Andrew shrugs. He wasn’t worried, so much as wanting to understand Neil’s thought process. It’s been months, and he still feels like he doesn’t understand Neil’s anything. 

He hands Neil a cigarette and watches as Neil lights up, but doesn’t inhale. “What’s with that?” He asks. 

“Is this a truth?” Neil asks him back. 

“Sure,” Andrew says easily. 

“My mom smoked,” he answers but just a easy. He raps his forearm, where the Hatford tattoo lies. “The smell reminds me of her. It’s one of the only things I remember about her. That and her blonde hair. It’s funny, I can’t remember what her nose or chin looked like, can’t remember how far apart her eyes were, or even what color they were. All I remember from her is flashes of blonde hair and the smell of cigarettes,” 

Neil looks pensive. Andrew lets it lie and takes a swig of his vodka. It’s helping stem off his withdrawal. 

“I got a call from the officer that told me I had a brother today,” he tells Neil. He doesn’t know why he tells the kid. Maybe it’s because Neil already knows. Maybe it’s because he thinks Neil can understand. So he does and now that it’s too late to take it back, Andrew keeps going. “Telling me that the last foster house, the one with Drake, has still been accepting kids,” 

He watches Neil’s jaw clinches, and ignores the slight relief he feels after getting it off his chest. 

“Do you want me to kill him,” Neil’s offer is genuine Andrew can tell. 

“No, I want to be the one,” Andrew tells Neil. Neil nods in understanding. 

“I’ll go with you, if you want. Backup is always good,” Neil offers. Andrew thinks that it might be the nicest thing that anyone has ever offered him. He tries to pretend that his heart isn’t feeling lighter with it. 

“We’d have to go to California. I wouldn’t want to leave them unprotected,” Andrew tells him. Neil tilts his head and considers that. 

“I could get Charlie to stay. Her and some guys. They won’t let anything happen. We could go over thanksgiving,” 

“You can’t just offer that,” he tells Neil. When the idiot looks confused by that, he explains. “Can’t just give that away for free,” 

“Why not,” Neil dares to ask. “Besides, it’s not just for you. It’s for the other kids too,” 

Andrew thinks about it. Thinks about what it’d be like to finally give Drake the pain that he deserves. Then nods. “Over thanksgive break then. Are you going to be able to get away?” 

“Ichirou said he owed me something,” Neil shrugs. “The weekend off, and support, if we need it, is the least he can do.” 

Andrew’s on edge at the mention of Ichirou.  
Neil sees through him. 

“It’ll be fine,” Neil tells. Then he looks around and gets up to start pacing. 

“What?” Andrew asks him. 

“I think,” Neil takes a deep breath. “I think I need to do something about Ichirou.” 

“What?” Andrew asks surprised. 

“After Seth, with everything. It’s too much danger, too much going on. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but,” 

Neil stops himself again, and Andrew feels his stomach drop, the way it does when he’s at the top of a Farris wheel, or when he steps on to an air plane. Neil stops pacing and looks at him, hand to the three tattooed on the cheek of his beautiful face. And with shinning eyes he says. 

“I think I have to kill Ichirou. I think I have to break free.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also short. But I really like it. Hope you guys do too. Thanks for reading!!


	14. Chapter 14

“I’m worried about Jean,” Kevin tells Neil. The two are at their late night practice. Jean had stayed at the dorm, after begging off because of a massive paper he had to finish before midnight. He told them that he’d meet up with them after practice.

“Why?” Neil asks. 

“He’s been off lately, I don’t know how to describe it. The trauma was a lot but now he has a place to heal. And I’m worried that he’s not taking advantage of it,” Kevin explains. But it has Neil on edge. 

“‘Trauma?’ ‘Place to heal?’” Neil parrots back. He loves his brother, but he’s never gotten the sense that Kevin has ever managed to pull his head out of his obsession with exy long enough to pay attention to anything. So this is weird, especially when it’s about something that Kevin has been trained to see as property. 

It’s not that he disagrees with Kevin, Neil’s noticed the same things himself. Sure, Jean was great in their last game a couple of days ago, helping them secure a sweet victory. But he’s been more withdrawn than even his normally shy self. In addition, he’s seen Jean flinch from Dan and Wymack more than once, as if expecting a beating from the coach and captain. 

“Renee suggested he go see the psychiatrist woman. Said she’s helping her and Andrew, that she could help Jean,” Kevin explains. 

“Oh, so you talked about with the rest of the team, and not me?” Neil asks, a hint of something meanacing in his voice. Kevin stiffens at his tone, realizing finally that he may be in dangerous territory. 

“No, just Renee. She had some concerns about what she was seeing and came up to me the other day in between classes. She asked me to think about it, to talk to you about it,” Kevin says. 

“And why does she think it’s any of her concern?” Neil asks in the same offputting tone. The question he’s not asking- the real question that’s bothering him goes unspoken. Why did she go to you and not to me? 

“I don’t know. But she’s right to be worried. We should consider getting him to talk about it,” Kevin says. He twirls his stick in his right hand and starts juggling three balls in the air with it. Neil grits his teeth at the show. 

“Did you ever consider that it might fuck him up more?” Neil is heated now. “That after all the ravens drilled into our heads about psychiatrists that maybe it’d give him a harder time,” Neil snapped at him. He remembers visiting Betsy before the fall semester had started. He was on edge because it had been right after he had to show Abby his scars. The calm psychiatrist had just stared at him as he said nothing for the a half an hour appointment and then left. 

“No,” Kevin closes his eyes in a show of honesty and looks back at Neil. Neil watches his brother tilt his head and consider it. He lets the balls drop and leans on his stick. “But, if she’s as good of a psychiatrist as they say she is, maybe she can help him get over that fear and help him heal like he needs to,” 

What Kevin is saying isn’t unreasonable. Neil knows it. But the fact that it comes from Renee makes him uneasy. He knows he can take her in a fight, the fight in front of the foxes proved that. But she was still good enough that it was a challenge, and Neil’s got enough challenges to deal with at the moment. He doesn’t need the too-nice girl sticking her nose into his business.

But Kevin’s looking at him with pleading eyes. And has actually taken an instrest in something besides himself, his fears, and exy for once. 

“I’ll think about it,” he tells his big brother. Kevin nods in appreciation. They go back to practicing but it’s clear Neil’s a little distracted. 

When they finally make it back to the dorm they find Jean passed out on the floor surrounded by text books. He looks anxious, even in his sleep. Kevin gives him a ‘see what I mean’ look before waking up the backliner to put him to bed. Neil follows him into their room and hoping to fall asleep. But not for the first or last time, he’s worried about his family. 

The next day finds Neil in the basement watching Andrew and Renee spar. It’s interesting, watching his teammates move. 

Neil’s come to understand anger. He knows that when it comes to fighting it can do one of two things: make you sloppy and uncoordinated, or, it can make you fast and determined, strong and sure. Andrew’s one of the best angry fighters that he’s ever watched. He molds his rage into a tool against Renee, who fights back against it, placidly. Renee wins, but Neil can imagine that if the right fire was put under Andrew, the Renee wouldn’t stand a chance. Neil remembers that, tucking it away for later just in case. He’s gotten to a point where he trusts Andrew a little more then the next guy, but you never know. 

“You need to watch your follow through,” Neil tells him, the gets the pleasure of seeing Andrew’s slight flinch of surprise at his presence. He had snuck in the back while Andrew had been so wrapped up in fighting and it was nice to still be able to sneak in to places. 

“Hi Neil,” Renee greets him. 

“I need a minute with you, if you don’t mind,” he tells her, mocking her polite tone. 

She nods. Andrew starts to walk out, so Neil calls to him. “Tell Allison that we can leave in a half an hour, this won’t take long,” Andrew nods at him before leaving. Neil turns to Renee. 

“So you’ve been talking to Kevin?” Neil starts. Renee keeps her head up and looks Neil in the eyes as she nods. 

“Yes. I’ve been concerned with Jean. I don’t think he’s giving himself permission to heal after what’s happened to him,” she tells him. 

“And you told Kevin that, and not me,” Neil explains to her. She nods. Neil grits his teeth. “Why?” 

“Because, you avoid me. You refuse to be alone with me, you refuse to really look at me if you don’t have to. Which is fine,” she tells Neil. And she’s right, he does avoid her and her too cheery disposition. He’s just now getting used to Matt, who feels much more like a real person then Renee’s wall of nice. 

“But I couldn’t just do nothing,” Renee continues. “He’s struggling and he needs help. Betsy can help him-” 

“Next time,” Neil tells her, his voice brokering no arguments. “You come to me about concern for me family.” 

Renee nods. Neil lets her walk away, up the stairs and out of sight. He sits down on the thin carpet. Thinks about it, for maybe five, ten, or fifteen minutes, Neil doesn’t really know. Then nods to himself and makes his way upstairs. 

It’s Friday, they are going to Columbia tomorrow with Andrew and crew. He finds Jean in their room starting to pack for the weekend trip. He looks up when Neil enters. 

“Hey I’m getting you bag ready. How many guns?” Jean asks him. He looks at his best friend. Jean is curled into himself, making himself smaller, even in the space that he’s supposed to be the most comfortable in. But as a raven he was trained that there was no space safe from Riko, no space safe enough to get comfortable. 

“Just the two,” he tells Jean. “Unless you want one?” 

Jean seems surprised by the offer. Neil’s surprised at it too. It helped Allison, so maybe? But Jean shakes his head. 

“Why would I need one if you are there?” He asks Neil. Neil nods. 

“You are going to make a weekly appointment with Betsy, the psychiatrist,” Neil’s tone is back into his rusty Raven command. He hates he he’s using it but it’s the only way he knows to make Jean obey. “I don’t care when, as long as you stick with it and you actually try to work through your issues,” 

Jean flinches at the time, but he’s nodding his head before the command is fully out. He doesn’t ask questions, he was trained better then that. But he doesn’t hide the look of confusion. Neil doesn’t know how to answer, so he doesn’t try. 

He leaves Jean in their room, and goes out to meet Kevin, Allison and Andrew who are all waiting in the hallway for him. 

—————————————————

Neil walks out of his room, Kevin watching in slight concern. Andrew tells himself that he doesn’t care, and it’s a good day because believes it. 

“He’s going to make an appointment,” Neil tells Kevin as they head to the elevator. Kevin nods. 

“Good,” Kevin says. Andrew doesn’t know what they are talking about, but he has a feeling it has to do with Neil looking unhappy earlier, and asking to speak to Renee. He figures he’ll have a chance to ask Neil about it later. 

“Who’s driving?” Allison asks. 

“You,” Neil tells her. She nods as the leave the building. They follow her to her too-expensive car. Neil lets Kevin get into the front seat and follows Andrew into the backseat. Andrew feels Neil’s warmth leeching into his side in the small car. Far too small for this occasion. Allison and Kevin fight for the elbow space in between the driver and passenger seats. They settle with their arms pressed flush against each other. Interesting. 

“I’m surprised that you let the little monsters out of your sight,” Allison says to Andrew. The Barbie looks back to her usual Barbie self, with her hair blown out and her outfit immaculate. She’s not carrying today, which Andrew is greatful for. He doesn’t need to be distracted today when he’s already going to be distracted by Neil enough.

“They can be trusted to take care of themselves on a short term basis,” Andrew answers. Barbie lets it drop. 

They get to the mall and Andrew watches as Kevin and Allison push and prod a mostly uncaring Neil into different high end stores to find him a suit. 

“Tailored would be much better,” Allison says, not for the first time. 

“We don’t have time,” Kevin reminds her, again, not for the first time. “off the rack will do,”

She nods and bids Neil to try on yet another pair of pants. She follows him into the dressing room, and Andrew does not feel jealous in the slightest, thanks. 

“I have suits,” Neil reminds them. “Very nice, very expensive suits.” 

“None of them will do with what I’m wearing,” Allison dismisses. 

“You don’t even know what you’re wearing,” Neil exclaims. But Allison just shrugs. 

“Black is classic and everything. But with your complexion and your eyes a navy would really look good on you. And I think I’m going to go icy blue. So it’ll work,” Allison explains. Neil sighs but follows her. Andrew watches and mostly agrees with Allison, siding with her against Kevin, who is still pushing for raven black. Eventually they settle on a midnight blue suit with a light blue undershirt for Neil, no tie. And Kevin, under Allison’s judgmental eye, goes with a dark grey suit with a black shirt and a black tie. Allison raises an eyebrow at Andrew. But Andrew shakes his head. She doesn’t ask why he came if he wasn’t going to get anything, and Andrew’s greatful yo not have to explain to her that he came to watch beil try on clothes. The boys wait for her to on a couple of icy blue dresses. 

“Kevin?” Allison calls from the dressing room. “Help me with this zip.” 

“Um, me?” Kevin looks very confused by this turn of events. 

“It’s nothing you haven’t already seen,” Kevin stands up, but stays in the waiting area, at least until Allison snaps “now, Kevin.” 

He looks at Neil, who’s already looking at him. 

“Spar with me,” Neil requests. 

“What now?” Andrew asks. 

“No when we get back,” Neil clarifies. “I want to teach you a couple of things before thanksgiving,” 

“Why should I?” Andrew says. Neil’s brow creases. 

“Your good, but you can get better,” he tells Andrew. 

“Okay,” Andrew agrees. “But on one condition.” 

“What?” Neil looks annoyed. Good. That’s how Andrew feels whenever he looks at the boy. “No conditions, I’m trying to help you.” 

“You are trying to make me do something,” Andrew tells him. Neil has no right to look surprised, he’s known this for a long time. “I’m not an idiot like you, I don’t give anything away for free.” 

Neil huffs “what do you want?” He asks. But he’s interrupted by Allison coming out of the changing room in one of the blue dresses. It’s a little sexier then she normally goes for, the short skirt makes her legs look like they go on for miles, and the material is skin tigh leaving nothing to the imagination. But it is high necked and the blue makes her, and Neil’s eyes pop. Kevin walks behind her looking red faced and a little shell shocked. 

“This is the one,” Allison announces to an apathetic Neil and Andrew. She huffs when she get a lack of response. Then turns back to get changed. Neil lets the topic drop as the pay and leave to go back to the tower. 

But he does follow Andrew back onto the roof. 

“What do you want for the privilege of me teaching you,” the blue eyed boy sneers after the get settled on their ledge. Andrew hates that he now considers it, their ledge. 

“Take me with you the next time your uncle calls,” Andrew says. Neil is up, immediately pacing again. 

“What!? No!” Neil exclaims. “Absolutely not!” 

Andrew sighs, he can’t say he didn’t expect this reaction. He was just hoping that he was wrong in his expectations. 

“Not when Ichirou calls,” Andrew furthers. If he went in an Ichirou call, he’d kill the bastard. And that wouldn’t be good for any of the ex birdies. “Just when your uncle calls for a clean up job,” he persists.

“But why?” Neil asks. The kid is utterly dumbfounded. “Why would you want to.”

For a lot of reasons. He wants to understand Neil better, he wants to see how good the boy really is. He wants to understand, at least in part what he’s in for over thanksgiving break. 

“Does it matter?” He asks Neil instead of voicing any of those reasons. “That’s my price.”

Neil brow creases again. He stops and looks at Andrew, still so confused. 

“It’s ugly work,” Neil warns him. “It’s not like in the movies. It’s real and horrible.”

“I’m planning on committing that real and terrible myself over break,” he reminds Neil. 

“That’s different. That’s personal,” Neil argues. 

Andrew just shrugs, “That’s my price.” 

Neil sighs and looks out at the view of the parking lot. 

“Plus if I go, don’t I get one of those nifty tattoos?” Andrew asks nodding to where Neil is rubbing at the Hatford crest on his arm. Neil sighs again, louder this time. 

“Fine. But if we go, you listen to everything I say and you don’t step out of line, and you train for it like your life depends on it. Because it might.”

Jesus this kid is too goddamn dramatic. 

“Okay,” Andrew agrees. He pulls out two cigarettes and they spend another night watching the sun go down on their quiet roof, stuck in their own heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter, but I’m really excited about the next one. Hope you enjoyed!!


	15. Chapter 15

The bus is slowly lurching along. If you looked at the faces of the foxes, you’d think that the bus was lurching them all to their deaths. 

The bus comes to a stop in front of the exy stadium that they are required to spend at least the next couple of hours. Neil hands Kevin one of two flacks that he’s been hiding. Kevin grabs it like a lifeline and and chugs half of it in three gulps. He then hands it to Jean who takes a couple of sips. Allison makes a gimme hand at him from where she was seated across the isle. She takes a swig and passes it on to Nicky who drains the last of it before handing it back to Neil. He shifts it back into his inner jacket pocket. Wymack watches but doesn’t comment of the spectacle. 

“Come on, assholes,” he says ushering them off the bus. 

“Hey coach, that’s not fair. We look to nice to be assholes tonight,” Nicky defends. 

“You can dress up all you want, you’ll still be a bunch of assholes to me,” coach says. 

“Aw, that’s kind of sweet,” Matt says. Wymack rolls his eyes, but they all follow him out of the bus. 

Neil looks at Allison, Kevin, and Jean. “Look it’s going to be impossible to avoid them. But if they try to get you alone, you find me or someone else until you can escape. No going anywhere alone. I’ve bought us protection, but that doesn’t mean that we should try to bring something into us. Okay?” 

Jean snorts, but Neil ignores it, letting Allison hook her arm into his and strolls them into the event. Jean and Kevin follow behind them, as does Andrew and the rest of the foxes. 

They enter the court, only to find that they have been seated across from the Ravens. Neil refuses to flinch, and follows Dan as she leads them to their table. He plops himself right across from Riko, with Allison on his right and Andrew on his left. 

“Interesting date,” Riko sneers in greeting. “I’m surprised my brother allows you walk around with a half naked woman on your arm,” Neil just gives him a tight smile, and ignores his urge to punch the bastards face in. 

“I’m Dan Wilds,” Dan says, jutting a hand forward, despite the hostility already at the table. Riko ignores it completely and continues to stare down Neil. Dan, determined, keeps her hand raised and stares into Riko. “Captain of the Foxes,” 

“I know who you are, Hennessy,” he says, not even looking at Dan. Neil knows her history, was there when Riko dug it up. His blood boils. 

“I thought we were at least pretending to play nice,” he can’t help but tell Riko. 

“Why bother when you and your kind never do,” Riko says. 

“My kind? What exactly is my kind?” Neil asks even though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer. 

“A slut who sleeps their way to the top, an ingrate, the son of the butcher. With no future except for death. And soon enough my brother will understand that,” Riko sneers. He’s boldly proclaiming it in English for everyone to hear. Neil smiles the smile he’s learned from his father as he looks at the man who he once considered a brother. 

“Incorrect, Riko. No wonder why your brother thinks you’re an idiot.” he says, leaning towards Riko. “I’m not just the son of the butcher. I am the butcher,” 

Riko actually recoils from that, and Neil can feel Allison’s hand on his elbow. 

“I am the butcher, and I am better then my father, the butcher before me. I am branded. You are not even touched. You haven’t even been in either of the Lord’s presence. You are nothing but a cast away second son. You proclaim yourself the best, yet even the number one on your face is a lie. You are nothing to your father. You are nothing to your brother. I know because he told me so. He told me you were a nuisance,” Riko’s eyes are drilling into his, but Neil doesn’t dare stop. He leans back casually. 

“He wanted to kill you,” he says switching to Japanese. He sees Kevin and Jean’s faces whipping towards him as he says it. He’s never told them this, he’ll have to apologize later. “Ichirou wanted you dead. But I stayed his hand. I reminded him of how much money you were worth. Only because I know that, despite himself, Kevin would still mourn your death. But if you ever threaten my family or my team again, I will have to remind him of all of the annoyances that you’ve caused his family,” 

Riko looks at him, like he’s waiting for Neil to say, just kidding and roll over to his abuse like Riko was 17 again and Neil was 13. When he saw enough of the truth on Neil’s face he got out of his seat and stormed out. No one dared follow him. Neil tried not to feel satisfied with how it went, but it was hard not to when he could imagine Riko off somewhere pouting. 

“So, Mira,” he says turning to the junior he remembers training. She looks at him somewhat fondly. “How’s your baby sister doing?” 

She seems hesitant to answer. Neil sighs. Puts a little of that raven control into his voice “Look, you all know why I left. And I know why all of you stay. But let’s not pretend that I did not train almost all of you. Let’s not pretend that we don’t have history,” 

Most of them bow to his order, a reflex mostly. The freshman, all of whom have been poisoned against him, he’s sure, look at the act with confusion. “Yes sir,” a couple of the seniors say, without thinking. He sees the foxes stir at hearing their freshman starter being addressed like that. Andrew and Allison give him their own considering looks. Kevin and Jean don’t look the least bit surprised by it. 

“No need for that,” Neil dismisses, and they all pull out of the bow with the same synchronicity when they dropped into it. “Just really, Mira, tell me how baby Grace is doing,” 

So Mira does. And most of Neil’s other favorites throughout the years also update them on what little lives they are able to have outside of the nest. It gets awkward when he’s referred to as number three a couple of times. But they get through it. And Riko doesn’t return, which Neil is incredibly greatful for. They have a nice dinner. Neil is greatful for Riko’s absence. 

It’s not until dinner is over and the tables are dragged away to make a shabby dance floor that Kevin and Jean dare to come up to him. Renee’s taken Allison off to go dance while Neil and his small family watched in the wings. 

“Was that true?” Jean asks in quiet French “did you get Ichirou to spare his life?” 

“Well, first I convinced him that Riko deserved to die,” Neil starts to explain “then I convinced him that despite all of that, Riko deserved a chance to prove himself,” 

“Why?” Kevin asks, dumbfounded. 

“Why what? Convince him that Riko should die if I was just going to keep him alive? Or why convince him that Riko should live if I’m just going to get him killed down the line?” Neil asks. 

“Either, both” Kevin says, his voice breaking into a slight panic. “Just. Why?” 

“I convinced him that he deserved to die, because I want him dead. After all that he’s done. He deserves to die. But I can use him before that he’s predictable. And greedy. And that may come in handy. Plus with him gone it’s just betoo easy,” Neil explains. 

Kevin looks oddly relieved. “So your not keeping him alive for me?” Kevin asks. 

“No,” Neil exclaims. “God no. Even if you asked to save him, at this point he’s gone too far,” 

“Good,” Kevin gets a hard look in his eyes, one Neil’s never seen before. Kevin raises a hand to the scar on his left shoulder, a jagged thing that Riko gave him when he was 12 and Riko was 15. It was the first time Riko had dragged a knife into Neil’s flesh. When Kevin saw it and tried to stitch it up, it only made it into a bloodier mess. He sees the same remembrance in Kevin’s eyes. “Good,” he repeats. 

The rest of the night goes smoothly. Renee succeeds in dragging Jean and Kevin out to dance. Neil refuses, but watches them. Andrew finds him eventually, and when he asks him about what he said to Riko at dinner, Neil basically repeats the conversation he had with Jean and Kevin. Andrew nods in understanding, with a little respect twinkling in his eye. 

When it’s time to leave, Neil has a brief moment of panic when he can’t find Allison. But she and Kevin stumble out of the woman’s bathroom, and Neil has enough tact not to question it. That and he really doesn’t care. 

They all stumble onto the bus, all excited about how the night exceeded expectations. They are all kind to Neil, but he still sees a bit of surprise and wariness in most of their eyes. That surprises Neil, he’d thought that he’d gotten all of that out of their systems, he didn’t know he could still shock them. 

He sits down, ready to sleep, feeling safe with his team and family when he gets the call. 

——————————————

Andrew watches Neil’s face shift from content to anxious the second the burner started ringing. It only takes the rest of the bus a second to catch up, and for the rest of the foxes to adopt worried faces. 

Neil answers the phone in Japanese. When he switches to English a second later the bus relaxes slightly. 

“Uncle,” Neil greets, and looks over to Andrew. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Neil waits and listens to his uncle talk on the other end of the line. 

“How many?” Neil asks. Pauses. “Okay yeah that’s doable,” 

His voice becomes slightly accented, the way it always does when he’s talking to his British uncle. 

“It’ll need to be two tickets,” Neil tells him. Pause. Huff of annoyance. “Listen. I’ve proven that I know how to handle it. Especially after Russia. If I say I’m bringing someone, trust me when I say I know what I’m doing,” 

He pauses once more before chucking slightly. 

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, see you tomorrow,” He hands up the phone. Turns to Andrew. “London, tomorrow. Family business. Two days max, if you are still so set on going,” 

Andrew feels the too-manic smile as it stretches over his face and hates it. “What time does our flight leave?” He asks. 

“What do you mean, our flight?” Aaron demands. 

“I’m going with him,” Andrew tells his brother. 

“No you are not,” his brother hisses at him. 

“Since when have you ever been able to tell me what to do?” Andrew asks. 

“And you’re just letting him go?” His brother whirls on Neil. 

“We made a deal,” is all Neil supplies him with. 

“But,” Aaron is grasping at straws. “But you can’t leave us here unprotected,” 

“Renee’s here,” Neil tells him. Renee nods. “And if your really scared, Allison is also here,” Allison beams at being included on the list. “But I wouldn’t leave Kevin and Jean unless I was sure that they were safe. And I’m sure that Andrew feels the same,” 

“You can’t go with him,” Aaron says not giving up. “We all know what he is, what he does,” 

“And what does that mean?” Kevin demands, his voice full of big brother protection. 

“You know exactly what that means,” Aaron spits back. Dan and Matt look uncomfortable, but not sure how to respond. Nicky looks caught in the middle. Wymack and Abby are outside the bus, saying their last goodbyes. 

“Enough,” Andrew demands. “I’m going,” 

He says it with finality. And I’m a lot of ways it is the final. Andrew’s made his choice. Aaron searches his face, but when he finds no footholds he stomps to the front of the bus. Eventually Wymack renters the bus with Abby and they are on their way. But the whole way back to the towers is filled with a fraught air. Andrew stares ahead, and tries to prepare himself for the day ahead of him.


	16. Chapter 16

Neil’s running through a corridor, out of breath and woozy from blood loss. He’s not sure how long he’s been running. He’s not sure how many people are chasing him. He’s sure he lost Andrew a while ago, and panic claws in his stomach when he thinks of the blond boy. 

He thinks he hears his fathers deep chuckle behind him. Which is impossible. He’s not ready, this is too early, his father’s supposed to be in prison still. Neil doesn’t get to kill his father until he’s out of jail, that’s his agreement with Ichirou. 

He’s getting desperate, he legs feel like they are going to give out from underneath him. He doesn’t know how he’s going to survive this time. He rounds the corner of the never ending hallway and there, in the distance, he sees a doorway. He speeds up, as much as his failing legs allow until he finally reaches the doorway.

He trips over his feet as he enters the room, falling onto his hands and knees. He hears the door shut and the lock click, he tries to pull onto his feet, when he feels a hand push him back down. He’s tending off a panic attack as he turns to see a familiar smile and flash of black hair. A hand reaches to the button and zipper on his pants. 

“Nathaniel, relax,” Ichirou’s voice purrs in his ear. 

“Ichirou. Please, stop,” he whimpers. Ichirou doesn’t stop, only inches his hands further into Neil’s pants to start dragging them and his boxers down. Neil’s breath hitches. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want this. 

He hears a pained gasp, and Neil looks up to stare into Andrew’s eyes. The blonde boy is being held down and cut open by Riko. Andrew’s smiling. Riko is digging Andrew’s own knife into his flesh, and Andrew is fucking smiling. 

Neil tries to buck, tries to get to Andrew. But Ichirou holds him down, and Neil is too exhausted to fight his grip. Neil feels a finger enter him and he tries to get his body to relax, knowing that it would be less painful that way, but he’s so panicked, he’s choked with it. He can’t stop Ichirou, he can’t help Andrew.

“Andrew don’t look,” he begs. Shame floods him, he didn’t even know he had room for it in all the panic. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t- 

“Wake up,” Andrew’s calling to him. For a second he’s confused, he’s in front of Andrew and the boy isn’t talking, just smiling. But then he feels a heavy hand on his shoulder. 

He shoots up, opening his eyes. He’s on a plane. He looks over to where Andrew is next to him, looking half sober and a little concerned. Neil jutts up from his seat, feeling his stomach roll. 

“Bathroom,” Neil chokes out before rushing into the isle. He feels a little bad about leaving Andrew alone. He could see how tense flying made him. But Neil needs space. Luckily the bathroom is empty. He immediately goes to the toilet and pukes. He’s shaking worse by the time he’s done. He stumbles in the small bathroom to the sink, where he splashes water over his face. 

He looks up, and in the small slightly distorted plane mirror, he’s faced with himself. 

His messy auburn hair is greasy with sweat. Allison has been pushing him into getting a hair cut, but he refused. Now that he’s out from the Ravens he’s letting his hair grow out long and scraggly so that he can look as differnt to his clean cut father as possible. He doesn’t know how long that’ll last though. He’s felt Ichirou pulling on it, and he wonders when the lord is going to demand he get a trim. 

His eyes trail down to the scar on his left eyebrow. It’s a remnant of his days as a raven when he was punished by being made to scrimmage without a helmet. He’d avoided the ball that had been rushing at him, but couldn’t avoid the stick that was following after it. Some sharp plastic edge had managed to slice into Neil’s eyesbrow. It was about the only scar that he liked on him. It was another difference between him and his father. 

He takes another deep breath, refuses to met his own eyes in the mirror, and lets himself out of the bathroom.

————————————————

Neil’s standing on his toes, looking for his cousin, who’s supposedly going to pick them up. Andrew watches him, and thinks about how the blue-eyed boy had jerked around on the plane, lost in his nightmares. Kevin and Jean had warned him about them. But he wasn’t expecting that. He’s not sure what exactly he was expecting, but it wasn’t the wild panic in Neil’s eyes. It wasn’t Neil whimpering “Andrew, don’t look.”

He wasn’t expecting Neil to shut him down so thoroughly after either. Andrew was tempted to call in a truth, but he wasn’t sure he was even ready for Neil’s answer. 

“So what exactly is the mission?” Andrew asks him. 

Neil shrugs, “I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell me. He said he didn’t want me getting ideas, not after Russia,” 

“What happened in Russia?” Andrew asks. He remembers Neil coming back from that trip, but he’s never gotten a full story. 

“Stewart didn’t approve of the way I handled the situation,” Neil says cryptically. “Oh look there she is.” 

Andrew follows Neil out to the parking lot where he sees Charlie leaning on her, very, very nice car. 

“Hey Nate,” she calls out when she sees them. “Hi Nate’s friend,” 

“Charlie, this is Andrew,” Neil introduces. Charlie holds a hand out for Andrew to shake, but Andrew just looks at it. 

“Another asshole,” Charlie grumbles, pulling her hand back to her side. “Just what we need,” 

Charlie reminds him a little of Allison. They look nothing alike, Charlie’s short and red headed with green eyes and a sharp chin, where Allison is tall and blonde. But something in the way they carry themselves is similar. Oh, it’s wealth, Andrew realizes. They both carry themselves like the wealthy women they were raised to be. 

At least Andrew assumes so. But Charlie cuts her eyes to him in a way that reminds him of Renee’s unconscious visual shakedown. She’s like Allison, if Allison was the heir apparent to the biggest Mob family in the United Kingdom. 

They get into the car, with Andrew in the backseat. He doesn’t mind. Charlie starts to open her mouth, but Neil cuts in quicker. 

“So what’s the job?” Neil asks. 

“The Drummond’s are making a play. We got word about it a week ago. We’ve been watching them and we are pretty sure it’s going down tomorrow night,” 

“The Drummond’s?” Neil asks. Andrew’s glad he does, because he has no idea who they are. 

“Oh yeah,” Charlie says. “I forget how new you are to all of this,” she waves towards the window, where London at night lays before them. “The Drummond’s are a Scottish family who have been gunning for us, for as long as there’s been an us. But with your appearance and what you’ve brought us, they haven’t been happy to see us rising up in the ranks. Hence them making a move against us,” 

“What kind of move?” Andrew asks. 

“Jeez, don’t you find all that smiling creepy?” Charlie asks Neil, while not taking her eyes off Andrew’s in the review mirror. He doesn’t think Neil’s cousin likes him. 

“What kind of move?” Neil just parrots his question. 

“They are trying to make allies themselves. They’ve reached out to a Ukrainian trafficking ring. It’ll bring them money. And the money can help them buy power,” she explains to them. “They are making their first drop tomorrow in Glasgow,”

“What do they traffic?” Andrew asks. 

“Guns, drugs,” Charlie takes a deep breath. “And people. Tomorrow they are dropping off there first shipment of people,” 

Charlie looks sick at that. Andrew understands exactly what these people will be forced to do. 

“But we’ll be there to stop it,” Neil states. Charlie nods. “So if it’s tomorrow, then we only have 24 hours to plan?” 

“What no,” Charlie laughs incredulously. “We’ve already got a whole plan,” 

“Then we am I here?” Neil asks, annoyed. 

“We could use the muscle,” she explains. “But if you think that we are letting you get anywhere near planning this mission, after what happened in Russia, you need to get your head checked,” 

“You keep bringing up Russia like it was some big failure. All of our people lived. All of the people who were supposed to die, died. It happened quickly and efficiently with no fuss,” Neil’s pissed now. “So what the fuck is with all the attitude,” 

“You are fucking joking,” Charlie snaps back just as pissed. “I don’t care how ‘clean’ it was, Nate. I’m never going to sit back again, not like that, not listening to you almost get raped,” 

Andrew feels Neil’s eyes on him in the review mirror. He sits up, and tries not to let the concern on his face show. 

“That’s not what happened,” Neil defends. “I was in control of the entire situation,” 

“That’s not what it sounded like over the radio,” Charlie says. 

“You weren’t there. It was just me. And I handled it,” Neil snaps. Charlie opens her mouth but Neil cuts her off “Enough. We’ve spoken about this enough,” 

Charlie huffs. It’s an awkward ride. Charlie keeps driving them until they end up at a luxe looking townhouse.

It’s late, and Andrew’s sense of time is all screwed up due to time zones and the fact he didn’t get any sleep on the plane. After a small meal of halfway decent sandwiches, Charlie leads them each to rooms that were obviously set up in advance. Charlie says goodnight and tells them that they’ll go over the plan in the morning. 

Andrew lets himself drift, uncomfortable in a new place. But eventually his exhaustion pulls him under. He has a surprisingly restful sleep. 

He wakes up and finds his way downstairs to find Neil talking to an older man, who vaguely resembles Neil. They turn silent when Andrew approaches. 

“Finally,” Neil’s uncle says. 

“Morning,” Neil greets him. 

Andrew ignores them both going straight for the French press that’s containing some lukewarm coffee. It’s only after Andrew has put an ungodly amount of sugar in his coffee that they invite him into the study, where he finds maps of ports in London on the table, and what looks like surveillance cameras, from said ports on monitors lining the walls. 

“So, what’s the plan?” Neil asks. 

His uncle takes a deep breath and starts explaining. Andrew listens thinking that the plan is a little too reliant on Neil. He watches Neil as it’s explained, and he thinks that the blue-eyed demon doesn’t agree. Detailing the plan itself doesn’t take that long. It’s Neil arguing about it that takes most of the morning. 

“It’s to dangerous like that,” Neil repeats himself. “If you’d just listen to me-“

“I did listen,” his uncle says. “But then I disagreed because it’s a stupid idiotic plan that is going to get you killed,” 

Andrew privately agrees with Stewart, but he keeps his mouth shut. 

“I’ll be fine, I can handle it,” Neil tries to assure his uncle. 

“Kid, has anyone ever told you that you have control issues?” Stewart asks Neil. Andrew guesses that no one would dare tell that to the 5’3’ death machine that is Neil Josten. 

“I don’t think you understand what’s at stake here,” Neil implores his uncle. 

“I don’t think you understand who gets to make the call here,” his uncle retorts. The door slides open, it’s Charlie returning from a coffee run. Neil doesn’t even glance at her. 

“I stuck my neck out for you,” Neil exclaims. “I convinced Ichirou that you could step up to this plate. But if he thinks that you can’t even run your own territory, you are out. And you know I don’t mean out of the game, you are out from life permanently. I don’t know if I could stop that. I don’t know if I could keep all of you and Jean and Kevin and the rest of the foxes protected. This needs to be taken care of, quickly and professionally. Otherwise, everyone, and I mean fucking everyone could die,” 

They room feels too still when Neil stops talking. The mini break down puts all of them in unease. The spell breaks when Stewart steps to Neil. 

“Yes, you did stick your neck out for us. And you wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t think that we couldn’t handle it. So let us handle it. We’ve made similar moves like this before you were here. And now that you’re here, with your talent, we are all comfortable with this plan. You need to let us help, kid. You can’t do it all on your own, regardless of what you think,” 

Neil looks uncertain. “But-“ 

“We need you alive,” Charlie tells him. “Not only to protect us, keep us in good grace with Ichirou, but also because you are one of us,” she taps on the tattoo on Neil’s forearm and pulls up to show her own matching Hatford crest. “You were lost, but now you’re here. And we aren’t letting you go again. So trust that we can handle it,” 

Andrew watches the emotional speech wash over Neil. The blue-eyed boy sighs then nods, the fight drained out of them. 

They spend the afternoon coordinating with the rest of the Hatford people about the plan, making sure that all of the pieces are in place. 

They strike at 11 pm. The plan basically amounts to a raid, with Neil, Charlie, and Stewart all leading in teams of 4 people at different entrance points. Neil had argued that it was too dangerous, that he should be placed inside and take out as many people before the calvary came, but that plan was shit down. Instead Neil is leading the second team to go in. 

He’s shifting back and forth impatiently as he hears Stewart and the first team enter. The sound of muffled grunts and screams lit the air. Intel had said that there would be no guns, and the Hatfords, with some dumb British pride, had agreed to go without guns as well. He thought that Neil had looked a little disappointed at that call. 

Andrew’s role in the plan boiled down to, watch Neil’s back and don’t get killed. Andrew was perfectly fine with those orders. 

“It’s time,” Neil told his men, and lead them into the open warehouse. 

“Shit,” Neil exclaims 

Shit was right, there were too many of them. Their intel was wrong. There had to be a sixty people there, not including the sixty or so terrified souls huddled in the corner, the slaves who were to be sold at auction. 

“Fuck okay,” Neil says. “Andrew go clear out the innocents. Don’t turn back, don’t join the fight, your priority is getting those people out. The rest of you, go with him, protect him, no matter what,” 

Everyone besides Andrew lets out a “yes sir.” 

“Andrew, go,” Neil orders, in that Authoritative voice he has. 

“Don’t die,” Andrew orders Neil right back, before turning and leading the rest of the men towards the group of top thin beaten looking people in the corner. 

They have to fight their way through. Andrew is happy to see that, while he’s no Neil, he’s still one of the better fighters in the groups, his sparring with Renee has truly made him better. He has a single minded focus as he cuts through the men in his way, not stopping to think about what he’s doing, only thinking about the scared people he’s supposed to be saving. The fighting is brutal, but then again he, too is a brutal thing. 

He loses track of it, he doesn’t know how long it takes for him to make his way through and lead the people out on the street. One of the Hatford men with them gives them a phone, and tells the three who speak broken English to call the authorities. After one of them, a young woman who looks too thin to be standing, nods and puts on a brave face, Andrew whirls around. The men Neil gave him follow him back into the thick of the action. 

They disperse when he tells them to go help, but he stands back, looking for a certain blue eyed boy. There’s a panicked second when he thinks he can’t find him, before he sees a flash of auburn. 

He was wrong earlier, when he called Neil a death machine. The boy wasn’t a death machine, he was a death god. 

He move in and out so quickly that his attackers don’t see him coming until he has a knife in their back. He uses the added chaos of Andrew’s extra people funneling into the fight to his advantage, slinking into to mess of bodies only to reappear in a totally different section of the warehouse a minute later then adding further to the pile of the fallen in the floor. He’s bleeding from his mouth showing those who manage to get a glance of him, a horrible bloody smile. There are more then one corpse on the ground with the look of horror forever frozen on their face, after seeing Neil. Just while Andrew watches, Neil saves the lives of four separate people, when he steps in before they lose their fight. They came in outnumbered five to one, but they hadn’t counted on the butcher, deathgod, Neil Josten being there, evening out the odds. 

Andrew watches Neil stab one more person before he charges in to join him.

“The people?” Neil asks first thing when he spots Andrew. 

“Safe and contacting the police,” Andrew tells him.

“Took you long enough,” Neil’s smile is all adrenaline and death. His arms snakes out suddenly and pulls Andrew forward. For a second Andrew’s confused, he’s not against being pressed tight to Neil’s body, but he didn’t think this was the time or place and he wishes the boy had asked first. But Neil wields a knife over Andrew’s shoulder, and Andrew feels warm liquid splatter onto his neck and back. When he reaches a hand back to feel, it comes back red and covered in blood. Neil had slit an approachers neck behind Andrew. Andrew is not turned on by that, because it would be very fucked up, and Neil’s still pressed tight against him. 

“Sorry,” Neil says as Andrew wrenches himself away from the boy. Andrew shrugs, and joins him in the fight. 

The fight doesn’t last much longer, with them together making a clean path. There was a second, a horrible second at the end when Neil whirled around, looking for his next opponent, only to find no one but his own people still standing. 

“It’s over,” Charlie calls out. She somehow looks still put together, but Andrew puts most of that to the fact the black she’s wearing covering up any bloodstains. She’s limping slightly and she’s bleeding badly from a couple of places, but in the whole she’s okay. 

Neil and Andrew are also both mostly okay somehow. Neil’s mouth is still a bloody mess, Andrew think he lost one of his bottom teeth at some point, but besides that and a couple of cuts on his arms, he’s largely okay. Andrew maybe sporting a slight concussion due to a blow on the head and he’s dealing with a lot of cuts as well, but still. He’s alright. 

“How many did we lose?” Neil asks. 

“Brent and Johnston. And Shayla and Chris are pretty beat up. But other then that we are in tact. Which is a bloody miracle after all that,” Stewart tells them. Neil’s uncle has a nasty cut on his cheek, but he too is mostly all right. “You kids okay?” 

Neil looks over to Andrew to check for wounds. Then nods “yeah, we are good,” 

“Mac is dead, so is junior,” Charlie tells her uncle. Then looks over to explain to Neil “that is the leader and heir to the family,” 

“Good,” Andrew says in a hard voice. “So it’s over?”

“Not quite. It’s a big enough family that someone else will try to take over. But they are weak. If we strike now we can decimate them,” Stewart says on a harsh voice. 

“I can’t help,” Neil offers. 

“We have a game Friday,” Andrew reminds him. Neil sighs. 

“Well, still. You know to call if you need help,” Neil tells them. 

“You did good,” Stewart tells Andrew. Andrew’s not sure how to take that so he just nods. “You spilt more then enough blood to deserve one of these,” Stewart points to his crest on his forearm. 

Andrew thinks about it, then looks to Neil. While looking right into those chilly blue eyes he tells Stewart. “Next time,” 

Neil sighs, loudly. But agrees in the end by saying, “Yeah, next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call this chapter: I was supposed to be studying for a math class that I desperately need to pass on order to get my degree, but instead I write this ridiculously long chapter. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, as always let me know what you think!


	17. Chapter 17

Neil wakes up to an unfamiliar ringing on his new phone. Well, to be honest, Neil’s so exhausted from jet leg that Jean pushes him till he wakes. 

“What the fuck is that noise?” Jean asks. He’s not expecting it when Neil slides out a brand new phone from underneath his mattress. He stashed it there last night after he got in from his flight. He had stumbled into his bed and passed out immediately after forcing himself to stay up the whole plane ride. 

“New phone,” Neil says before pulling the phone up to his face. “Hello,” 

“You said that you’d call to tell me you got in safe,” Charlie chastises him over the phone. 

“I crashed to hard, sorry,” Neil tells her. 

“I’m glad Stewy got you this phone. Gives me an excuse to pester you,” his cousin says. He’d asked his uncle to get him a phone, one untraceable by the Moriyama’s people. His uncle had come through for him, slipping one in his pocket before him and Andrew left on their flight. 

“If he told you about the phone did he tell you what else we talked about?” Neil asks her. He sees Jean raise an eyebrow. When he was in London, Neil had used the couple hours before Andrew woke to confer with his uncle about some important matters. Some important, trying to kill the leader of the biggest criminal organization in the world, matters. 

Kevin’s still dead asleep in his bed. It takes more then chatter and a high pitched ring to wake up Kevin. Neil raises a hand to Jean, a signal telling him to wait. Jean sits and waits. 

“Yeah,” his cousin tells him. “And we are working it on our end. It’s just. Neil,” 

“It’s what Charlie?” He asks his cousin. 

“Are you sure about all of this?” Charlie asks. 

“No. But I’m doing it anyway. It’s the only way that we ellever be free. Truly free. And after living under Riko, I’m tired of belonging to anyone besides myself and my family,” he tells her. It’s the same thing he told his uncle. Jean looks concerned. He shakes Kevin awake. 

“Yeah. We are recruiting, making sure the Hatfords can handle what’s left after you handle the Moriyama’s,” she tells him. 

“Good. If there’s a change in plans, I’ll let you guys know,” 

“Neil,” his cousin says “take care of yourself,” 

“You too, Charlie,” he tells her. 

“What’s going on?” Kevin turns up towards him and slurs as Neil hangs up the phone. 

“Yeah, what is going on?” Jean asks. He’s perched on the edge of Kevin’s bed. Kevin’s hair is doing its best interpretation of a birds nest but he’s looking surprisingly alert. 

“Who was on the phone?” Kevin asks. 

“Charlie. She was calling to make sure I got in safe,” Neil tells them. 

“And?” Jean prompts. 

“And to says that the Hatfords are working on bulking up their ranks so that when I take down the Moriyama’s their organization can take up the space that the Moriyama’s are going to leave,” Neil informs them. They look at him like he’s just taken a knife to his own throat. In a way, he has. 

“It’ll be fine,” Neil tells them into their silence. “I’ll handle it. I’m just figuring it out now. But I’ll keep you posted,” 

They do not seem comforted. 

“Anyway, Enough about me. Jean how’s therapy going?” Neil asks. 

“You slippery shit,” Jean says, sounding pissed. “Don’t just act like you didn’t say that you were singlehandedly planning on taking down the Moriyama empire,” 

“I said nothing about taking it down singlehandedly,” Neil tells him. 

“Oh yeah?” Kevin accuses. “Who would help you?” 

“Listen. Have I failed you yet?” Neil asks them, dodging the question. They shake their heads. “Even when you thought I was crazy, I handled it didn’t I?” 

They nodded again. 

“And I’ll take care of this too,” Neil tells them. “Just be ready, just in case,” 

They nod. “Now really, Jean how’s therapy going?” 

Jean gives him and Kevin reassurances that the therapy is going well, and that he like Betsy, and he’s getting a lot out of it. They all get ready for morning practice, a routine they’ve honed over the years of living in close quarters. 

It’s a good day, they spend morning practice getting ready for their upcoming game with the Ravens. The press has been raving, both teams are undefeated so far this season. Both teams, according to anyone you’d ask, are out for blood. Neil’s happy to be on the court, where he’s with his family and the rest of the foxes going through the drills he’s taught them, scrimmaging and laughing. 

Sure, Aaron is shooting him murderous looks, probably convinced that he’s brainwashing his brother into joining the mob. Nicky’s trying to enjoy the peace, but it’s easy to tell underneath it all, he’s worried about his cousin. Even Renee is giving him looks that he can’t quite decipher. But he lets it go, trusts Andrew to handle his people. 

That night he goes to pick up Allison for their weekly shooting practice, when Dan asks him to stay inside to talk to him for a second. 

“What’s up?” He asks her walking into the dorm. All of the upperclassmen are there including Matt. 

“Sit down for a minute,” Dan tells him. “I’ve got something I need to ask you,” 

Neil complied and sits. Dan takes a deep breath before hedging. 

“So you and Andrew seem to be getting along,” she starts. 

“He hasn’t tried to kill me. So there’s that,” he tells her. She smiles at it. 

“It’s more then that. He listens to you,” Matt says. “He does what you ask. You guys get each other,” 

“So what if we do?” Neil asks. He doesn’t mean to get defensive, he’s just not sure where they are going with this. 

“You know that for so long the team has been divided,” Dan explains. “Between us and the monsters. It got a little better when you and Jean got here. It opened Kevin up a little. But it might not be enough. Yeah we are winning, but we are still so divided, especially compared to the Ravens,” 

“Yeah?” Neil agrees but he’s still not getting the whole picture. 

“They want you to reach out to Andrew,” Allison finally breaks down. “Get us all hanging out together, get them to open up a little,” 

“Oh,” Neil says. “I mean, I can ask,” 

“That would be awesome,” Matt tells him. 

“How about Halloween?” Dan asks. 

“What about Halloween?” Neil asks back. 

“Get them to invite us to Eden’s in Halloween. It’ll be good, everyone goes out. It’ll be light,” Dan explains. Neil’s never celebrated Halloween, he’s not sure he really wants to. But he trusts Dan. 

“Alright,” Neil tells her. “I’ll ask,” 

“Thanks man,” Matt says. Dan, goes to squeeze his hand. Neil allows it, squeezing back. 

He turns to Allison. 

“You ready?” He asks. She nods and they make their way out of the tower. 

———————————————

Andrew makes his way into his room, annoyed. It’s late, almost ten o’clock at night. He’s getting back from his chemistry lab; his one required science credit that’s he’s only taking because his dumb nerd brother was supposed to do the work for him. He’s finding that though his memory is perfect, if he’s not paying attention, he has nothing to remember when it comes to exam time. 

He succeeds in unlocking his door, only to find Aaron, Nicky, and weirdly enough, Renee squished onto beanbag chairs all watching him enter. Each one had trepidation on their faces in their own way. This can’t be good. 

“Andrew,” Aaron starts. Andrew says nothing. He starts into the bedroom but Aaron’s voice sharply rings out. “No stay. We want to talk with you,” 

“I have zero desire to talk to any of you,” Andrew says back, just as sharply. 

“Andrew, we’re worried,” Renee’s soft voice makes him pause and turn around. “It’s one thing to get close to Neil. It’s another thing to go with him on jobs. We don’t want you doing anything that you are going to come to regret,” 

“I know what I’m doing,” Andrew tells them. He whirls back around to make his way into the bedroom when Aaron’s voice make him stop. His voice is that of a man about to play his ace card. It immediately has Andrew tensing and turning to look back at the other blond. 

“I’ve been thinking about what it would take for me to let myself get dragged into an entanglement with the mob. Let alone, what it would take for me to volunteer to get involved with massive and dangerous criminal organizations. And there’s only one answer that I can come too that would drive anyone to risk everything like that,” Aaron tells him. His brother has a cruel smile on his face. Andrew’s only seen that smile on himself. “And that’s if I were sleeping with that person. Or wanted to be sleeping with that person. So. Which is it Andrew. Are you trying to sleep with Neil. Or are you guys already fucking,” 

Nicky and Renee only look curious, not shocked by Aaron’s hypothesis. He must’ve told them before. 

“I’m not sleeping with Neil,” he tells them. He knows that’s giving them the answer that they want, but he doesn’t give a fuck.   
“And even if I wanted to it doesn’t matter. It’s my life, and as long as I’m leaving you protected, as our deal stipulates, then I can do as I like,” 

“You’re still family,” Nicky says finally saying something. “I didn’t give up so much, to take you in after everything, only for you to get yourself killed. It was one thing when you were protecting Kevin from Riko. It’s another for you to be getting involved like this,” 

Andrew’s officially done with this conversation. “You will continue to be protected,” Andrew grounds out. “And I will continue to do as I like,” 

“Andrew,” Renee says. Andrew turns one last time, wanting to see Renee’s face, wanting to see if it matched her angry tone. “I did not train you for you to go and remake my mistakes.” 

“Don’t ever confuse what I’m doing now with your shitty childhood, Natalie,” he snaps. He finally makes his way into his bedroom, only to grab a fresh pack of cigarettes and turn around, ignoring everyone as he goes out the way he came. 

When he gets to the roof, Neil is already there. He looks up at Andrew, his face shadowed in the night. But peaceful and too pretty by half. He looks young in this half life, Andrew realizes he looks his age. He’s fucking beautiful. 

It’s hard to reconcile the gruesome bloody, deathgod with this kid, who sits curled up in a ball looking out placidly at Andrew. 

Here’s the thing: Andrew was never one of those foster kids that spent hours imagining who his real family was. He wouldn’t sit there and hope that someone as going to come and rescue him, take him away and love him. He was a smart kid. He realized early on, that if someone let him go, they themselves were probably going to stay gone. 

So when his brother contacted him, wanting a relationship he felt nothing. He didn’t care until Drake found out and wanted a matching set. That’s when this pull in Andrew’s stomach started. This pull telling him that he needed to do something. He didnt do it because he was a martyr like Neil, he did it because he’s made a habit of listening to his gut. 

And looking at Neil he feels that pull in his stomach, stronger then ever. Saying that he needed to help him however he could. He didn’t have a pension for broken things. He thought they were a waste of time, really. But between the pull in his stomach and the pull of Neil’s pretty face he was hooked. 

Aaron wasn’t totally correct. He wasn’t doing this because he hoped he could get into Neil’s pants. In fact, he was pretty sure the blue eyed boy wanted nothing of the sort. But still here he was. 

Neil looked at him, and Andrew looked right back until Neil smiled. 

“Ready to spar?” The blue eyed devil asks. 

“Ready,” Andrew says. And he means it. For Neil, Andrew thinks he can’t help but be ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little fluffier then the past couple of chapters.   
> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know how you feel!


	18. Chapter 18

Neil’s not listening to Wymack’s version of a pep talk. They are all decked out in their uniforms, all buzzing in the locker room. It’s finally the day that the whole campus seemed to be waiting for. 

Today’s the day they face off against the Ravens. 

“We can do this,” Dan says, filling the silence with enthusiasm after Wymack’s lackluster speech that was more threat then encouragement. 

Neil’s not so sure that they could do this. With Kevin, Neil, and Jean, the Foxes will have more of a chance then they’ve ever had before, but Neil’s not convinced it’s enough. He looks over to Kevin and Jean, and can see from the looks on their faces that they are thinking parallel thoughts. The Foxes are so excited by the fact they have a chance, that the three of them don’t dare open their mouths to break the spell. 

Neil’s spent the last two weeks drilling into the foxes heads everything he knows about each of the Ravens. And as someone who trained most of ravens, he knows a lot. He’s told them about Martin’s weak left passes, Robert’s tendency to pass back to the goalie, Michelson’s hard hits that over compensate for his slowness. The foxes have listened and adjusted their play. And who knows, it may be enough to beat the Ravens. But Neil doubts it. 

They make their way to their side of the half court to warm up. Neil can swear he feels someone’s eyes on him. Which is dumb, of course he’s got eyes on him. There are thousands of people in th crowd here to watch him and his team. But still something has him ill at ease. 

Neil slows down his pace to catch up with Andrew while they do a couple of laps. 

“Thanks,” Neil tells him. Andrew just looks at him, eyes slightly squinted. “For what you’ve done for us this season. For what you’ll do for us tonight,” 

“Don’t. We made a deal, I’m just following through on my end,” Andrew tells him. 

“I know. But still. Thank you,” Neil tells him. Andrew huffs and breaks away, going in front of his goal. Dan watches confused. She’s about to open her mouth to yell at Andrew for dipping out of the warmup when Neil shakes his head at her. She sighs but turns back to her laps. 

Neil would swear that he can feel it when Riko steps onto the court. His head snaps up to watch the head Raven step onto the court. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Kevin and Jean’s heads turn to look at the self proclaimed king. 

Neil’s feet are moving before he realizes it. Kevin and Jean come to flank him as he walks towards half court. As they approach, Riko’s smiling a smile that used to mean a lot of blood would be spilled. 

“Ah. My dear brothers. And Jean,” Riko says, all welcoming tone and open arms for the thousands of people watching in the stands. Something’s off. Riko’s smile is too fierce, his eyes are focused on something over Neil’s shoulders. 

Neil follows his eyes, turning around, to see the other Moriyama brother. Ichirou’s there, sitting in the VIP front row seats on the Foxes side of the stands. He nods at Neil when their eyes meet. 

“Is that?” Kevin asks. He’s never met the little lord. 

“My dear brother? Yes. Or my biological brother, I should say,” Riko says. His voice is savage. The last time they heard Riko’s tone like that, Kevin walked away with a broken hand. “He’s come to watch his whore play,” 

“Lets go,” Neil says before Kevin can say something that will get his other hand broken. He practically has to drag them back to their side of the court. They follow him when he grabs Dan and gets the rest of the Foxes to huddle. 

“Riko’s our for blood tonight,” he tells them. 

“Duh,” Nicky says. 

“No shit,” Aaron says. “Maybe he wouldn’t be as insane if you hadn’t spent this past week talking shit about him whenever someone pointed a microphone in your face,” 

That would be half fair, Neil had spent a lot of the week leading up to the match trash talking Riko. 

“No, not for that,” Neil tells him. “Ichirou’s here, and in addition to the mountain of daddy issues, Riko also has a good helping of brother issues. This isn’t going to go well,” 

He can feel Andrew’s eyes on him, even though he refuses to met the blond boys eyes. 

“Just be careful around him,” he tells them. He doesn’t let them go back to their warm ups until he sees all of them nod. All of them except for Andrew. He’s still refusing to look at Andrew. 

The game is just as brutal as Neil thought it would be. He’s a little distracted by the weight of Andrew’s and Ichirou’s eyes on him. But he still plays a decent game. 

But decent isn't enough. Riko’s energy seems to feed the ravens until they are one brutal animal, playing as an unstoppable wall. Riko scores with the first minute, but Kevin retaliates within three minutes after that. 

Andrew is unstoppable in the goal. He bats away shot after shot after shot. But that’s not enough either. He can’t help but let some in, with the ferocity of balls that are pelleted at him. 

They are exhausted by the time half time rolls around. The score is 7-4 with the ravens in the lead.

When Neil enters the court for the second half he’s shocked to see Andrew right there next to him walking on. 

“What are you doing?” Neil can’t help but ask. 

“Playing,” Andrew answers him. 

“But you meds?” Neil asks. 

“I’ll handle it. You focus on scoring,” Andrew answers, breaking away from him. 

Neil feels something in him straighten at that. Andrew’s trying. He’s not the only one shocked at that, all of the foxes watch him walk out onto the court. He sees the foxes straighten as well. 

The simple act of Andrew chosing to walk out and play the second half gives all of them a push. The foxes play harder, move faster, taunting the ravens who were all but certain in their victory. 

They give them a fight Neil’s sure they won’t forget. At one point the foxes tie with the ravens. 11-11. 

It’s still not enough though. The ravens have a rally of their own, the game ends 15-13. The foxes are jubilant despite the loss. It’s the closest anyone has ever gotten to beating the ravens. They come together at the final buzzer to all back into the locker room. 

“Neil, Kevin was it weird playing against your brother?” A reporter hounds “Kevin are you disappointed with the loss?” 

Kevin stops. “No, I think we played well, I am proud of them,” Kevin says. Neil sees the shock on everyone’s faces. Kevin never says nice things. 

“Don’t you find it weird?” Neil starts. He feels Jean and Kevin grabbing the back of his jersey trying to pull him away from the press. He keeps going “that Riko’s so called brothers felt the need to run away from him. That people who were supposed to be closest to him, couldn’t stand to be near him to the point where they have to run two states away from him? Says something about a man, don’t you think?” 

He lets himself be yanked away from the microphones and cameras and lead into the locker room. 

He burner rings right away. He knew it was coming but he still feels it crumble his mood. He’s spacing out again, and his exhaustion only makes it worse. 

“Hello,” he says. 

“meet me in the car parked in the back in fifteen minutes,” Ichirou’s voice rings out. “Shower well,” 

“Yes, my lord,” Neil says in Japanese. Everyone’s looking at him again. He knows it before he even looks up. 

“I need to go in fifteen minutes,” he tells his team. 

“Just for tonight?” Kevin asks. 

“Probably. I don’t know for sure, he didn’t say,” Kevin nods. 

Wymack pulls him aside on the way to the showers “you played well, kid,” 

“Thanks,” Neil mutters. 

“Kevin, Dan, press duty,” coach says and lets Neil go past him into the showers. 

He knows that he needs to wash properly, but he’s exhausted and his mind has already gone to that place that it goes when he’s faced with a night with Ichirou. He sinks to the floor. 

Someone pounds on the door to the stall, startling him. 

“Neil open up,” its Kevin’s voice. Neil gets up and opens the door. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be on press duty?” Neil’s asks. 

“Someone needs to take care of your idiot ass, and Jean is too busy making sure Andrew doesn’t try to murder Ichirou,” Kevin explains. 

Kevin strips down to his compression shorts and steps into the spray with Neil. Neil lets him force him to bath. He makes Kevin step out for the more... intimate parts of getting ready for Ichirou. Then gets out and lets his brother dress him in comfy clothes. 

“Distract them,” Neil whispers to Kevin. His brother looks confused, but moves away from him and clears his throat loudly. Everyone looks at him for a minute. Neil uses the time to get to his locker. 

“I wasn’t kidding when I said I was really proud of you all,” Kevin says. Everyone is looking at him, stunned by the praise. They don’t seem to quite know what to do with it. Neil reaches up to the top of his locker and pulls out the gun he keeps there, just in case. He’s tucking it into the front of his joggers. When he looks up Allison and Andrew are both staring at him. He nods at them. They nod back. No one mentions is out loud, but Neil knows they won’t say anything. 

Neil walks over the door and Kevin walks with him, ignoring whatever Dan’s saying in reaction to Kevin’s sudden praise. He’s lead out to the hall where a man is there, waiting to lead him to Ichirou’s car. 

“Thanks,” he tells Kevin who nods at him with worried eyes. 

“Soon,” Kevin says in French. And the thought strengthens Neil. He knows what Kevin means. Soon he’ll be able to escape nights like these. Soon he’ll be free. Soon he’ll kill Ichirou. 

Ichirou’s waiting for him in the backseat of a nice Range Rover. 

“You played well,” Ichirou says in greeting. 

“Thank you,” Neil tells him. He played okay, we had been distracted by Ichirou’s presence for the whole first half. 

“I heard about the ambush in London. You handled it well,” Ichirou complimented. 

“Thank you. I had help. The Hatford’s are a sturdy bunch,” he complimented. 

“More then the Hatfords. I heard you brought a teammate as well,” Ichirou’s tone was inquisitive. Neil knew enough to be anxious. He proceeded carefully. 

“He’s strong, loyal, a good fighter,” Neil supplies “he makes sense for the Hatfords” 

Neil tries to walk the balance of making it clear why he brought Andrew with making it clear that Andrew was off limits to Ichirou. 

“I see,” Ichirou says. “I’m glad you gave someone you trust watching your back here,” 

“He’s good for that,” Neil nods. 

“Take off your pants,” Ichirou orders. Neil nods and complies, pulling the gun and setting it aside. Ichirou smiles at the gesture and reaches over to cup Neil’s face. The time for talking is over. 

—————————————————

Andrew watches over Jean’s shoulder as Kevin escorts Neil out of the locker room. Neil hadn’t even spared him a look, his eyes fuzzy. Andrew knew that fuzzy. He’s been at the doorway of that fuzzy haze from truama. His wretched memory never let him enter, not fully, even the worst of his trauma memories are only a little hazy at the edges. 

“You need to let him go,” Jean’s telling him. He’s been standing right smack in the middle of Andrew’s way since Neil escaped into the showers, with Kevin following him like a lost puppy. 

“Why?” Andrew says, knowing his anger is getting the better of him and not giving a fuck. “So he can roll over and take it so you and Day can live in peace?” 

Ichirou is so fucking close. Andrew could take him out. He knows that it’s be messy, but he could handle the blow back. He could handle it if it meant that Neil never had to come when Ichirou called again. It’d be worth it if it meant Neil never had to leave his side like this just to go into another mans bed. 

“If I were you, I’d watch your goddamn mouth,” the French fuck says in a low but carrying voice. The whole locker room is staring at him. Allison moves to stand next to Jean. Andrew wonders if whatever Neil’s been teaching her will actually make her a challenge in a fight. 

Kevin enters the room, looking haggard. The joyous mood from the almost win is long gone. Kevin looks at Jean and Allison standing over Andrew looking pissed and sighs. 

“Don’t,” Kevin tells Andrew. “I’m serious. Fucking don’t. No one likes this, no one what’s him to be doing it. But Neil’s always done what he thinks is right. And he’s always managed with impossible odds. He says he had it covered. And when he says he has it covered, we’ve learned the hard way that you step aside and let him do what he needs to do,” 

Andrew says nothing, doesn’t want to say out loud what he thinks about Neil’s thought process. They let him storm out of the locker room. 

He spends most of that night on the roof, in the place he’s come to consider his and Neil’s spot, trying not to relive his own right past trauma. Trying not to think about Neil’s current trauma. 

It doesn’t work. It’s a bad night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the angst. I’m really excited about the upcoming chapters so make sure to stay tuned!!! And that you to all the commentators!!! I’m trying to stick to updating everyday, so I don’t really have time to reply all the time. But you guys are awesome and what’s keeping me going. So thanks so much!!! I really appreciate it and I swear I read ever one!!


	19. Chapter 19

Neil doesn’t escape Ichirou until mid afternoon the day after the ravens game. He’s exhausted and he feels disgusted. He’s already showered four times in the past twenty four hours (after the game, once in between round two and three, once more before bed, and this morning before he left). But he wanted to shower the feel of Ichirou’s hands off of him. He knows from past experience that it won’t help, but he has the urge none the less. 

Kevin and Jean are off at the library so he’s got the dorm to himself. He’s scrounging up coffee in the kitchen when he hears a knock on his door. He answers the door to see Allison standing in front of him, looking immaculate as always. She seemed tired though, even underneath all of her perfect makeup. He swings the door open for her and she follows him in. 

“Coffee?” He asks her. 

“Yes please,” she says. She sounds tired too. “Two sugars,” 

“I, uh,” Neil says looking for sugar. “I don’t think we have any, but we have almond milk.” Kevin’s been on an anti-dairy kick. And when it comes to nutrition and following a healthy meal plan, Neil learned a long time ago that it’s Kevin’s world and him and Jean are just living in it. 

“Of course you don’t,” Allison grumbles. She sits on the Ikea couch that Jean forced Neil to get. “Almond milk will do. At this point I’m desperate enough to drink it black,” 

“You okay?” Neil asks her, bringing her her coffee. She curls up into the warmth and Neil watches as her tough girl persona slips a little bit. He doesn’t know when she started doing that, letting herself be just Allison, the human around him instead of Allison, the rich girl whirlwind. He feels grateful for it though.

“No one got a lot of sleep last night,” she tells him. “We were all pretty anxious about you leaving. We ended up crashing in here. Well, everyone except the monster and crew,” 

Neil doesn’t know what to do with his knowledge. “I was fine,” he tells her, confused. 

“You will be fine,” Allison says, confident. “But I don’t think that you are really and truly fine now, Neil.” 

Neil shocks her by nodding. “Maybe. But I’m working on it, being able to be fine permanently. Until then trust that I have it handled,” 

“I don’t think any of us can stop worrying. We see what it does to you, and you’re one of us now. We are always going to worry about one of our own,” Allison says. Neil sighs. 

“Thanks then,” Neil tells her. “For caring,”

She gives him a real smile that lights up get face. “No problem,” 

They finish their coffee in peace before Allison shoos him into his room to go get ready. 

“Where are we going?” He asks as he get into the too expensive car Ichirou gave him. 

“Costume shopping, Halloween’s right around the corner,” 

“Fuck,” Neil lets out “shit,”

“You forgot to ask Andrew?” Allison guesss. 

“I forgot to ask Andrew,” Neil conforms. Allison laughs. 

It’s a good afternoon. Neil gets a little annoyed by the sheer amount of costumes that Allison makes him try on, but he’s a good sport over all. 

The rest of October is good. A blur of training with Andrew, training with Allison. Of practice and games that they win more then they lose. Andrew allows them to go to Eden’s for Halloween. It’s fun. Andrew plays nice and the foxes all come together to have a good time. 

Neil’s called to Ichirou the day after. He goes, as he always does. It’s in Japan this time, and there’s not much translating to do. But he warns Ichirou’s bed and Ichirou agrees to give him thanksgiving off. 

Time passes. His life is more good than bad. 

That doesn’t last for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so short but I still wanted to post and I did not have the mental capacity to start writing the California thanksgiving trip yet.  
> But stay tuned Bc that’s coming tomorrow.


	20. Chapter 20

When it comes time to leave for California on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, it’s a fight just to leave the tower. 

“What do you mean you are leaving?” Neil hears Nicky ask in a shocked voice. He’s standing outside of the cousins’ door. He’s not eavesdropping...not exactly. But he’s pretty sure they don’t know he’s there. 

“I’m leaving. I will be back Sunday,” Andrew explains. 

“But you’ll be gone through Thanksgiving!” Nicky’s voice is shrill. 

Andrew doesn’t answer. Neil hears shuffling. Andrew comes to the door but doesn’t seem surprised to see Neil waiting there with a duffle slung over his shoulder. 

“At least wait until Aaron gets home,” Nicky demands. 

“We have a flight to catch,” Neil tells Andrew, as if Andrew would be tempted to stay. 

“A flight?” Nicky asks. “Where are you going?” 

"You didn’t tell them?” Neil asks Andrew.

“I’m telling him now,” Andrew says. He turns to his cousin. “We have business in LA,” 

“What does that even mean?” Nicky demands. 

“It means I’ll be back on Sunday,” Andrew tells him, walking to the elevator. 

“But Andrew-“ Nicky tells after them. Andrew just stares at his cousin as they get into the elevator. Nicky stares back, a confused look on his face, clearly at a loss. 

“Have a good Thanksgiving,” Neil tells him as the doors shut. 

“What weapons do you have?” Neil asks him as they start down. 

“The knives,” Andrew tells him. Neil nods. He expected as much. 

When they walk outside a Japanese man is waiting for them in a really nice car. 

“Lord Moriyama sends his best,” the man says. “I’m to take you to a private jet that will take you to Oakland. There another driver will take you to your hotel. All courtesy of Lord Ichirou,” 

Andrew’s jaw hardens but Neil nods and enters the car. Andrew stands in the doorway for a minute, as if trying to decide if it’s worth it. But eventually he meets Neil’s eyes and silently agrees to enter the car. 

The plane is nice, very nice. Andrew looks around but makes himself at home. He’s suited to a luxurious life style, Neil thinks. Andres certainly acts like he’s entitled. 

Neil uses the plane ride as a chance to clean all of his guns. He takes his time, lovingly oiling them, pulling them apart, rubbing them down. He feels Andrew eyes on him the whole time, but he ignores it, focusing on the task at hand. 

When he finally looks up, Andrew’s not looking at him anymore, but his ears are red. 

“Cmon,” Neil tells him “let’s talk about the plan,” 

Andrew sighs and gets up from his seat across from Neil and moves over to sit next to him on the couch. 

“We find him, we grab him, we kill him, slowly and painfully,” Andrew tells him simply. Andrew’s presence next to him is a warm glow that Neil wants to bask in. He doesn’t get it, but he lets himself lean into it. 

“Do you have any ideas for where he could be?” Neil asks. 

“He can’t leave the state, so California, probably,” Andrew tells him. 

“Great, that narrows it down,” Neil huffs. He tilts his head. He wants to keep talking to Andrew, wants to keep his attention. He really doesn’t get it, but opens his mouth. “You know, I’ve never been to California. I was supposed to go to LA once, with Ichirou. But he ended up canceling the trip and had me go take care of a job in Rio instead,” 

“You didn’t miss much,” Andrew tell him. His voice is warm, despite the harshness of his words “I was all over and the whole states a shit hole,” 

“Huh,” Neil says. “Geuss I’m about to see,” he didn’t notice how close he was to Andrew until their knees started touching. He doesn’t know why the point of contact is taking up so much of his attention. But all he can think about is the couple of inches of contact where his knee met Andrew’s. 

He feels himself pull closer to Andrew. Andrew moves forward, into him. Neil feels like he’s on fire. His face is a half an inch from Andrew’s. He feels his warm breath on his lips. 

“It is going to be about a half an hour before touch down,” the captain says over the intercom. Neil and Andrew break apart. Andrew looks stricken for a moment, before he gets up and leaves for the small closed off bedroom in the back of the plane.

Neil doesn’t know what to do with himself in the new Andrew less space. He doesn’t see the blond boy until after they land. The ride to the hotel is quiet. Neil doesn’t know what to say, so he stays silent. 

——————————————

Ichirou was courteous enough to book them too conjoining room at a nice hotel in the downtown area of Oakland. 

It wasn’t until Andrew was free from Neil, safe in his own room that he felt like he could breathe. As if watching Neil play with guns, his hands caressing and rubbing lovelingly on his weapons for literal hours, wasn’t bad enough, then he had to sit a half inch from the boy. He wants to replay the vision of Neil cleaning his guns, of the feeling of Neil’s breath on his own mouth, but he knows that if he lets himself think about it, he’ll end up not wanting to leave his own room for hours. And he’s got work to do. 

He knocks on the conjoined door. Neil opens the door, looking mostly settled in. 

“I think Drake is still crashing at his parents house when he’s in California. So that’s a good place to start,” Andrew tells Neil who nods in response.

“We have a couple of days to case out his routine, we can grab him Friday, you’ll have the weekend, and we can be home by Sunday,” Neil assures. 

“We need a car,” Andrew says. 

Neil shakes his head “Ichirou already took care of that,” 

Andrew doesn’t bother showing his distain for Neil’s little lord. Especially when Neil only ever ignores it. 

“You ready?” Neil asks. 

“Food first,” Andrew says. “Then we can start out,” 

The rest of the day is spent locked in close with Neil, trailing his rapist.

They find Drake at the first place they look, in Cass’s old house. They spot him in the living room when they drive by. He looks safe. And comfortable. Andrew ignores the pull in his gut, looking at the house from his childhood, all at once a symbol of love and horror. He focuses instead on imagining what he’s going to do to Drake. 

The first time Neil saw Drake, he showed no emotion, only nodding when Andrew pointed him out. Andrew would never tell Neil, but he’s greatful to the blue-eyed boy, for knowing what he’s doing, for treating it as if it was just another job, for his unwavering strength. 

Neil makes careful notes, but Andrew won’t need them. Even if he didn’t have a perfect memory he’d remember ever second of this. It’s almost 3 AM by the time that they are sure that Drake isn’t leaving his parents house, and is comfortable there for the night. 

He’s gotten so used to Neil as a constant by his side that he almost feels weird separating from Neil at the end of the night when they go to their own rooms. 

Neil mutters a soft goodnight before heading into his own room. Andrew says nothing but watches him go. He rufuses to feel any guilt when he jerks himself off that night thinking about Neil’s hands on those guns. And about taking those hands and tying them down and putting his own hands on the boy. He knows it’s just a fantasy, he knows Neil wants nothing of the sort. But it still gets him off faster then anything ever has before. 

He wonders what it says about him that he can spend all day trailing his rapist and still jerk off that night without getting triggered. But he can’t handle anyone touching him at all ever. He knows Bee would say that triggers aren’t always logical, but he still hates himself a little for it. 

He wakes up the next morning and spends the day much like the last. Watching Drake during the day, thinking about Neil at night. 

Their Thanksgiving dinner is a bucket of KFC eaten in the front seat watching Cass’s old house from a couple blocks over. It’s weird to think that eight years ago, he was in that house with Drake, eating thanksgiving, smiling for Cass, pretending that her perfect son wasn’t crawling into his room at night. 

He looks at Neil who is eating the only grilled chicken option they had, and turning his nose up at how fatty the green beans are. They only got them because Neil demanded to get something green. He tamps down any twinges of fondness for the blue eyes boy

They gets home that night, relatively early. Neil heads into his room and they both sit on the bed. 

“He’ll be at his friends night club. Right?” Neil confirms. 

“That’s what he said over the phone,” Andrew nods. 

“Okay, that’s where we will grab him. We’ll hold his till he sobers up, and then you have all Saturday,” 

Andrew nods, it’s not the first time they’ve gone over it, but something in Neil seems to be hesitating. He lets the tension sit there, but it’s a minute before Neil opens his mouth. 

“Are you sure?” Neil asks. He moves closer to Andrew, too close for Andrew. His whole body heats up with it. “I’m in if you still want this. And I know this wouldn’t be the first life you’ve taken. But still. This kind of work is hard, even when it’s personal. We can find another way to bring him down,” 

“We are doing this,” Andrew says. 

“Okay. I’m with you. I just couldn’t go through with this unless I gave you an out first just in case,” Neil say, looking down. Andrew wants to see that shocking blue of Neil’s eyes. “I’m serious. We can find another way,” 

Andrew grabs Neil’s chin and yanks it up. He’s not gentle, he’s pretty annoyed with the kid and how he’s suddenly looking unsure. 

“We are doing this,” Andrew tells him again. Neil doesn’t say anything, only stares right back at him. And there it is, that shocking blue. 

Neil leans in. Andrew leans in. And suddenly they are kissing. Neil’s mouth on his is warm and he feels full. Despite himself, it’s a gentle thing this kiss. Andrew hates it, but he doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t ever want to stop. He bites into Neil’s bottom lip. Neil shudders at it, gives a little moan. 

Andrew rips himself away. He’s not sure when he closed his eyes but suddenly the room is too bright, everything is too much. Neil’s looking at him confused. 

“What?” Neil asks. Andrew’s not entirely sure what he means, and he’s not sure how to start apologizing. 

“That shouldn’t have happened,” Andrew says. 

“What why?” Neil asks, finally getting that kissed dazed look off of his face. 

“You don’t want this,”Andrew reminds him. 

“Don’t tell me what I want,” Neil says sounding offended. 

“You said you weren’t interested in any of this,” Andrew says. 

“I wasn’t. But I am now. Ever since the plane and the almost kiss, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I want it. Don’t try to tell me that I don’t,” Neil says, voice and eyes fierce. Andrew doesn’t know what to do about any of this. He wants to kiss that look off Neil’s dumb face, wants to shut him up. 

“I can’t handle this right now,” Andrew says. Neil’s shoulders drop. “Besides. You belong to someone else. And I didn’t ask. I won’t be like him. I won’t take without asking. I won’t let you make me into them,” 

“It wasn’t like that,” Neil says. He looks a little devastated. “I wanted that. I’ve never wanted anything like that before, not even close. Not until you,” 

Andrew feels that like a punch to his gut. 

“Get out,” he demands Neil. Neil looks confused by the order. “Get the fuck out,” 

“No,” Neil says. “I’m not leaving just because you can’t handle your feelings,” 

“What feeling?” Andrew asks. Neil just plows on, ignoring him. 

“I want this. And you want this. And I’m not going to pretend that didn’t happen,” Neil says. 

“I’m going to kill my rapist tomorrow,” Andrew tells him point blank. “And you still belong to your,” Neil’s face pales at the mention of Ichirou. But he doesn’t deny that he’s his rapist, so progress. “When we get back we’ll deal with it,” 

“Okay when we get back, we’ll deal with this,” Neil says. Andrew wants to correct him that there is no this, but Neil is finally leaving, so he says nothing, only watching Neil go. 

He hesitates in the doorway then turns back around. “See you tomorrow,”   
Andrew just nods at him and lets him walk out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn’t post this weekend!!! I got way to drunk at a family function then spent Sunday not really feeling like doing anything. But I hope you enjoy. He’s some more fluff before the real bad angst that’s coming next time. 
> 
> But as always let me know what you think!!! Thanks for reading


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’ve already tagged this non-con, but I wanna give another trigger warning for rape and some pretty extreme violence now. Also some of this was inspired by the glorious fic Armies. So look that shit up, because it is, in my opinion, the best Andriel fic out there. Other then that, enjoy!!!

Neil’s pissed and half naked. He’s waiting for Andrew to come back with pants that he deems appropriate for the club mission tonight. Neil figures that by the time Andrew gets back, it’ll actually be time to go to the club to grab Drake, because there is absolutely no way that Andrew is getting back anything soon. Of course, it’s Black Friday and they’ve decided to shop for club attire at the local mall. 

Neil’s not sure why the black skinny jeans and black button down he packed didn’t meet Andrew’s approval, but here they are in an overcrowded mall. Before today Neil would’ve told you that hell was being forced out of exy, but now he’s pretty sure that hell is the middle of Guess on Black Friday. 

Andrew knocks on the door. Neil lets him into his dressing room. The overworked retail dressing room guard given them a look but says nothing. 

“Try these,” Andrew demands. He’s not looking at Neil. And that’s fine really. They said they would deal with whatever was going on between them when they got back, so Neil ignores the slight tension and tries to squeeze into the jeans Andrew has him trying. 

“There’s no way,” Neil tells him, struggling to get his thighs into the tiny tube of black denim. “How small do you think my thighs are? I’m a goddamn athlete, I have fucking muscles,” 

Andrew sighs, but he’s finally looking at Neil, even if he’s only looking at his thighs. “Here, a size up,” 

Neil sighs but complies. They barely fit, but when Neil manages to wedge himself him, he can feel Andrew’s eyes raking over him. He doesn’t say anything, just nods and waits for Neil outside before they pay. Neil notices Andrew doesn’t get anything for himself. Neil huffs. 

Leaving the mall is just as much of a hell as it was getting into it. But they finally get back to their hotel room and Neil is happy to go over the plan with Andrew again. They had stalked the club in the early hours that morning. They knew the layout of the club. They were as ready as they’d ever be. 

Neil didn’t like the plan. He had let Andrew know over and over, but Andrew wasn’t budging. It had gotten to the point where Andrew had finally asked him point blank if Neil trusted him. When Neil said yes, Andrew told that if that’s so he should keep his mouth shut. Neil had been annoyed but he had obeyed in the end. 

The club is packed by the time they arrive. If Neil was one for fidgeting, he’d be pulling up the neckline of his shirt, pulling at his top tight pants. He thinks he looks ridiculous, he’s in his too tight black jeans with zippers in dumb places (why would anyone need to unzip to get to their knees, he’s pretty sure the zippers don’t even work) with a shirt that’s cut low enough to show off some of his scars on his chest, but worse of all it’s a see through tightly woven black mesh. He’s never felt more exposed. The only reason he kept it on is because he hasn’t felt Andrew’s eyes leave him after he put it on. 

He’s still not sure how to feel about last night, the kiss. The only thing he’s sure of is that he desperately want to happen again. 

“C’mon,” Andrew tells him, pulling him forward in the line. They are outside of the crowded club. Andrew points to his cheek. “This looks ridiculous,” 

Neil’s hand goes to where Andrew’s gesturing at the bandaid covering the 3 tattooed on his check. Neil just shrugs. The last thing they need is to leave any sort of trace that they were there the night Drake disappeared. Neil’s pretty sure if it came down to it, he would be given legal protection from any charges, but he’s not sure Ichirou would extend the same protection to Andrew. 

When they finally get waved through into the club Andrew’s tense. Neil’s just as tense right next to him, scanning the crowd. It’s not long until they see Drake, laughing with a group of other buff looking dudes. They wait until they see him have a couple more drinks, getting a table at a section of the club where they can always keep him in their eye line. It’s not until they’ve seen him take three more shots that Andrew speaks up. 

“He’s drunk enough,” Andrew tells Neil. 

“Okay. You get him, I’ll be waiting outside,” Neil tells him. 

Neil doesn’t like watching Andrew go, but he refuses to think about it while he goes to the spot they agreed on in the alley behind the club. They picked it yesterday, when they were casing the club. It’s far enough away from the activity of the club that they should remain unbothered, and close enough to drag Drake back to their rented ride.

Neil tries not to worry as he waits for Andrew. Everytime the backdoor open his heart starts to hammer, but every time it’s just a bus boy or waiter taking their smoke break. 

It’s been too long, Neil’s stomach’s dropping. He’s about to go back into the club when he hears a muffled scream. Once again his heart pounds, his feet are moving before he’s aware of it. 

“Andrew?” 

————————————————

Neil looks too damn good. And that’s not even the worst of it. The absolute worst is that the blue-eyed boy has no idea how much attention he’s pulling from everyone. They are standing in the line for the club and Neil looks so damn good Andrew’s not even thinking about what they are there for. 

He’s trying not to think of the kiss last night, but he’s not succeeding. 

“C’mon,” Andrew tells him again pulling Neil forwards. It’s not long until they are in front of the bouncer, who takes one look at Neil and waves them in, ridiculous bandaided cheek aside. 

Everything shifts when he sees Drake laughing in the club. Laughing like he’s not a monster, drinking and having fun. Andrew’s eyes never lose him, watching his rapist as he has the time of his life. 

The night seems to go on forever as they watch the man down drink after drink. Andrew’s finally has enough. 

“He’s drunk enough,” Andrew informs Neil, making sure to keep the nerves and impatience out of his voice. 

“Okay. You get him, I’ll be waiting outside,” Neil says. Andrew doesn’t even look back as he starts making his way to Drake. 

Andrew walks past Drake, not looking directly. It works, he hears Drake in a drunken voice call out “AJ.”

Andrew lets himself turn and look surprised. 

“AJ,” Drake says, walking towards him. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about your old foster brother,”

“Drake,” Andrew acknowledges. 

“How’ve you been. I haven’t seen you since you left for Juvie,” Drake says, now close enough that he’s invading Andrew’s space. Andrew feels himself lock down. “You look just as sexy as ever,” 

Andrew wants to barf. “Come with me,” Andrew tells him. Drake smiles a brutal smile that Andrew braces himself against. 

“Oh? It’s like that is it?” Drake says. Andrew starts moving, feeling Drake follow him, close enough that he feels his breath on the back of his neck. “You always fought me so hard, but I can’t say I’m surprised you want me again. We had fun didn’t we?” 

Andrew says nothing, shuts his mouth and hopes he doesn’t vomit. 

“Where are you taking us, AJ?” Drake asks. 

“Out back,” Andrew chokes out. Out to where Neil’s waiting for them, so that they can take Drake away and give him everything he deserves. 

Drake grabs his elbow. “Oh, You don’t want to go back there, here, it’s my Buddy’s club, we can use his office,” 

“No, I need air, lets go outside,” Andrew says. But Drake yanks his elbow in the opposite direction of where he needs to go. 

“He has a window in his office,” Drake tells him. He yanks Andrew’s arm, still strong despite his intoxication level. He tries to pull away, but Drake’s hold is too strong. “C’mon, AJ, I thought I already taught you what happens when you say no to me,” 

Drake already has him at the door of an office, one hand gripping into Andrew’s arm, the other plugging in a code into the electronic keypad there. As soon as the door is open, Andrew’s thrown inside of the room, hard enough that he lands half onto the desk on the small room. Drake goes and opens the only small window in the room. 

Then he turns to Andrew, smiling. Andrew strikes out, immediately, grabbing knives out of his armbands. He needs to get out of here, he needs to find Neil and get the fuck out of here. 

Drake is intoxicated, but he’s still got well over a foot on Andrew, brute strength and the training of a marine. There’s only so much he can do, despite his attempts. He doesn’t have the reach to give Drake anything but shallow cuts. But he holds him off for long enough that Drake’s smile turns into an annoyed frown. Andrew thinks he has a fighting chance until Drake pulls at his arm hard enough, that he feels his shoulder come out of its socket. He lets out a small scream at the sudden pain, knives clattering out of both of his hands. 

Drake yanks the arm behind Andrew’s back, thrusting Andrew’s stomach into the hard edge of the desk. Drake pushes his front into Andrew’s back, and grinds. Andrew can feel Drake’s hard on, and he lets out a grunt. Andrew tries to buck away, but Drake has him held to tight against the desk. 

Andrew hears a laugh. He’s only a little surprised when he finds out that it comes from him. Drake’s hand goes to the button of Andrew’s pants. Andrew’s laugh gets louder. Drake pulls down his pants and boxers. Somewhere there’s a crash. Andrew braces himself for the unique pain that comes from forced penetration. 

The pain never comes. Andrew laughs at that too. Suddenly the breath on the back of his neck is gone. Then Drake’s weight pressed against him is gone too. 

Andrew turns around. He doesn’t understand. He sees Drake clutching at the chokehold that someone’s got him in. Andrew sees a tuft of red from behind Drake, and suddenly he understands. He crumples to the floor, pulling his pants back up and watches as Neil chokes consciousness out of Drake. He doesn’t let go until Drake’s eyes roll into the back of head. 

“Andrew?” Neil asks, coming towards him slowly, with his hands up. “Did he?” 

Andrew laughs. “Nope. You came just in the nick of time,”

Neil seemed relieved by that. He drops Drake’s body and comes over to Andrew slowly. 

“He dislocated my shoulder,” Andrew tells him. 

“I can fix that. But listen,” Neil starts, locking his eyes with Andrew’s. All Andrew sees is blue, blue, blue. “I can kill him right now, it won’t be as painful as it should be, but it’ll be done and over and we can go home. Or we can keep with the original plan. It is completely up to you,” 

Andrew laughs. He doesn’t think he’s stopped laughing since he’s gotten into the room. “Stick to the plan,” he tells Neil. 

Neil nods. “Okay. First I need to get your shoulder back into its socket and then we’ll take him out through the back, then we’ll stick with the plan. Okay?” 

“Yes,” Andrew says. Neil puts his shoulder back in place, Andrew stops laughing for a second as Neil maneuvers his shoulder back into its socket. It hurts like hell, but the laughter is somehow stronger than the physical pain. Eventually, Andrew quiets down so they can move.

They manage to get Drake out of the club without attracting to much attention. It’s early Saturday morning at that point, and they arent the only ones dragging a drunk friend out of the club into their car. 

Fifteen minutes later, they arrive at the warehouse that Ichirou owns and is letting them borrow for their activities tonight. Andrew wonders if Ichirou always owned it, or if it was bought for this exact purpose the second Neil asked for this trip. It’s a fucked up kind of romantic move, that Andrew tries not to think about to hard. 

The warehouse is fully decked out regardless, the floor is tarped, there is a chair in the middle of it, with handcuffs and ropes to hold someone down, and a couch. There’s even snacks. 

He and Neil shuffle the still out cold Drake into the chair, and Neil ties him down, with a little too much expertise to be his first time tying someone up. Neil sticks a black cloth bag over his head, then steps back admiring his work. 

“You sure?” Neil asks him one more time. 

“Yeah,” Andrew tells him. “I’m sure. How are we doing this?” 

“Not yet. We’ll talk about it in front of him when he’s awake. It’s worse that way. The fear, the anticipation. Just be your normal terrifying self. Follow my lead,” Neil tells him. Andrew supposes that makes sense. This is more Neil expertise. He nods. 

Neil turns back to grab a bottle of water. When he faces Andrew again, he has that smile back on his face. The one that stretches his features into something to be afraid of, something so sharp Andrew thinks anyone who tries to touch it would need stitches. 

Neil dumps the water onto Drake’s hooded face. Drake sputters awake. 

“Where? What-“ Drake says. Neil’s switchblade is out in a second and against Drake’s throat. Drake tries to pull away from his bonds, but Neil has him too secure into the chair.

“Shut the fuck up. You will not speak unless spoken to, you will not move, you will keep your mouth shut and you will listen. Or your throat will be cut and you will be slaughtered like the pig you are. Understand?” Neil says. Drake goes completely ridged, but nods. 

“Now,” Neil says, stepping so that he’s standing behind Drake, facing Andrew, knife still at Drake’s throat. “Where do you want to start? Water boarding is always a good warm up. Or we can jump right into it, start carving cool shapes into his skin,” 

Drake whimpers. Andrew feels himself mirror Neil’s awful smile.

“Why not start big?” Andrew asks. 

“AJ?” Drake chokes out. That’s when Neil whips off his hood. Drake is immediately confronted with Andrew’s smiling face. 

Neil goes back around to face Drake so he can see Neil and his wretched smile. He leans in close. “I thought I told you to shut the fuck up?” 

Drake has a look on his face Andrew’s never seen there before. It’s terror. Sheer and utter terror. 

Neil reaches over and cuts the front of Drake’s shirt so that it’s hanging open, revealing a muscular chest. He’s mostly uninjured from Andrew’s defense, only a few shallow nicks here and there. Other then that he’s a blank canvas. 

“Here’s a good place to start,” Neil says pointing at Drake’s abs. “Not too deep. I’m thinking this might be a death by a thousand cuts situation. You get first dibs,” 

Andrew nods, reaching for his own knives. The cut is as satisfying as he always imagined it be. Drake’s scream is even better. 

Andrew’s smile grows bigger. He’s in for a long and bloody night.


	22. Chapter 22

Neil watches as the car that holds the body that once belonged to Drake gets driven away. Even Ichirou’s north California cleaner looked a little surprised at the brutality when he had come to take the body. But in the end he didn’t say anything, just loaded the body up and nodded before taking off. Andrew’s crashed on the couch in the warehouse. He’d almost crumpled to the ground, exhausted in the seconds after Drake’s life had drained from his eyes. Neil had told him to go to sleep, that he’d deal with the clean up. The blond boy had only agreed because he was going to pass out no matter what. 

Neil allows himself one moment to gather himself. He hates himself a little for what he’s going to do. It’s one thing to want to kiss Andrew, it’s another thing to do what he’s about to do. He wonders when he started including Andrew in the list of people that he’d do anything to protect. But then he remembers Andrew’s laugh as Drake yanked down his pants. And his hand is going to his burner without him really having to think about it. 

Ichirou answers on the second ring. 

“It’s done,” Neil greats. 

“Good,” Ichirou says, his voice a little groggy. Neil remembers that Ichirou’s in New York, so while it’s four AM here, it’s 7 am on the east coast. He must still be waking up. “How’d it go,” 

“It started and ended like it should’ve. The middle got a little dodgy,” Neil tells him. He’d realized a long time ago that telling Ichirou the whole truth was mostly in his best interest. “Which is why I need to ask for a favor,” 

“You know I don’t do favors,” Ichirou tells him. “I make deals,” 

Neil holds back a sigh. “Okay a deal then,” 

“But what could you offer me?” Ichirou asks. “I already own you,” 

This is exactly what Neil was worried about. “I just,” Neil starts. He hesitates before thinking about Andrew’s smiling, terrified face. “I need you to get Andrew off his medication. I need you to bribe his judge, get him realesed from his deal,” 

“That won’t be easy,” Ichirou tells Neil, as if Neil’s not award of just how difficult what he’s asking is. “It would be one thing to get him in front of a judge we already own. It’s another thing to corrupt the judge he already has,” 

“I know. But it needs to happen,” Neil says. 

“The boy has what? A half a year, even less left?” Ichirou asks. “Can it not wait?” 

“No. It’s can’t. That’s why I’m asking,” Neil tells him. 

“It’s a lot to ask. It will require a hefty payment in return,” Ichirou says. 

“I’m prepared to pay whatever it is up to the point of risking the rest of my family and my exy career,” Neil tells him. Ichirou laughs at that, a chuckle that has Neil looking to the sky for a little bit of deliverance. He knows it won’t come, but he still looks. 

“Is Andrew a part of your little family now?” Ichirou asks. 

“No,” Neil says. What he means is not yet. “But he’s a damn good goalie. And I need him at his best.” 

“Okay,” Ichirou says. And Neil feels relieved until Ichirou starts laying out his terms. “I’ll make this happen. But you’ll have to spend all of winter break with me in Tokyo. For the six weeks you will give yourself over to me, fully, completely and without hesitation. I’m careful with you now, but I will not be while you are here. Do you understand?” 

Neil forces himself to sit on the curb. He puts his head in his hands. He’s already made his choice, made it the second he dialed the phone. Despite that, he still wants to vomit. 

“Yes. I understand,” Neil tells him. 

“And do you agree to those terms?” Ichirou asks. Neil thinks of Andrew drugged laugh one more time. 

“Yes I agree to the terms,” 

“Then it will be handled by the end of the day and I’ll contact you with your flight information. I’m going to be very busy in the next month but look forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks,” Ichirou says before he hangs up. 

Neil’s not sure he’s out front of the building, sitting on the curb with his head in his hands. He feels the morning chill start dissipating with the first tendrils of the rising sun, but other then that he lets himself go into a space where nothing feels real. 

It’s Andrew’s presence next to him that finally pulls him out. Neils not sure when he got there, but when he looks out he’s greeted with a beautiful sunset. Andrew offers him a cigarette. He takes it and they light up together. 

“How do you feel?” He asks Andrew. “Was it what you hoped it would be?” 

“It was what I expected,” Andrew tells him. Neil nods. 

“We can head out. Ichirou’s people will handle it,” Neil says. 

“You’re trusting him with a lot of damning evidence,” Andrew says. 

“I’ve already trusted him with a whole lot more,” Neil says. “Besides. He’s not one for the legal route. If he had an issue with me, I wouldn’t be alive right now,” 

Andrew shrugs. 

“Cmon,” Neil says. “Let’s go get some real sleep before we go home,” 

They both use the water bottles and cloths to wipe off any remaining blood before changing. Neil watches Andrew closely. And is pleased to find, that even under the slight mania of the medication that’s kicking in, Andrew seems more settled then usual. Neil hopes it can last. 

When they get to the hotel room, Andrew pulls Neil into his room. 

“Not for anything like that,” Andrew says watching Neil tense slightly. “Just to sleep, okay?” 

“Okay,” Neil agrees. They crash on the same bed. Neil wakes up before Andrew, and looks over at his slightly peaceful slumbering face, and knows he made the right call. 

——————————————

Something’s wrong with Neil. Andrew watches him from outside the open bedroom door where he’s answering a call. They are on the plane, surrounded by the dark night sky on their way back to South Carolina. 

Neil’s face is perfectly neutral, showing that perfect raven discipline. But he’s been shifty all day, and his burner phone hasn’t left his hand. Neil nods at his phone, like Ichirou who’s probably on the other end can see him. He can’t hear what Neil’s saying. 

Finally, Neil hangs up and walks over to where Andrew’s sitting on the small couch. He looks at Andrew. 

“Ichirou’s agreed to find a way to get the judge to let you out of your plea bargain early,” Neil tells him. Andrew’s shocked. He didn’t see this coming, not by a long shot. “You can start detoxing in two days. We’ll need Abby to send the judge a letter saying that you are at a good place and would do better without your medication and that she’ll watch over you as you detox. After that you can hole up in Columbia and be back by the new year,” 

Andrew thinks about that. He wants it, if he’s being honest. He wants it desperately.

“Aaron and Nicky would be protected,” Neil reassures him. 

“What did it cost you?” He asks Neil. Neil seems startled by the question. 

“Nothing. It’s the best move. I made Ichirou see that too,” Neil tells him without hesitation. Neil might be lying, he almost certainly knows he is. But with the blue eyes staring into him he just feels himself nodding. 

“Okay. I’ll ask Bee,” Andrew says and gets up to make the call. Bee agrees, a little suspicious, but mostly glad for Andrew. She’s never been a fan of the pills. 

The next day they sit in front of the team and tell them all the plan. Kevin kicks up a fuss about Andrew missing the last game but Neil manages to shoot him down, telling him to shut the fuck up. Kevin glared and said a few more words, but in the end, he did shut the fuck up. 

The day after that Neil’s dropping him off at the Columbia house, with a trunk full of supplies. 

“Hey,” Neil says, before Andrew locks himself in a room. It’s been a couple of hours since he’s taken the last pill. He’s right on the edge of sobriety. “I’m here for the rest of the week. After that I’m switching on and off with Nicky, Aaron and Bee. I might be pulled away for a while during Christmas, but someone will be here 24/7,” 

Andrew nods. He knows all of this, but he can see the edges of Neil’s nerves. 

“And Andrew?” Neil says, pulling himself close. “I know this isn’t the right time to talk about, Well us and everything. But. When you get out of here. If you still want it. We can find a way. I’ll find a way,” 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks. 

“Yes,” Neil answers without hesitation. Andrew leans forward, pressing his mouth to Neil’s. It’s a good kiss. A damn good kiss. A part of Andrew hopes that it’s the drugs that are making him feel like this, despite the fact that he’s half sober. 

“Goodbye Neil,” Andrew says after pulling away. He turns around and shuts the door before Neil can respond. 

The next day he’s shaking. 

All the days after that blur until it’s just a wash of pain. But even as Andrew’s coming down, all he sees when he closes his eyes is blue, blue, blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to get back to uploading everyday. So check in everyday to get updates. And thanks again for all the comments! They really mean the world to me!!! Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!!!!!
> 
> Ps I think Ao3 is being a little glitchy, so let me know if y’all see anything off or wierd.


	23. Chapter 23

“What do you mean your going with him? And for a month?!” Charlie demands. He’s in London, and just finished up an easy job they didn’t really need to bring him in for. He’s had a sneaking suspicion that they only brought him there so they could have this conversation in person. 

“It’s six weeks,” Neil tells her, looking away. Stewart starts grumbling and Charlie lets out a shrill noise. They are in the townhouse in the study with all the monitors. He can’t help but think the last time he was here, Andrew was with him. He wonders how the blond boy is fairing. 

“Six weeks?” Charlie half shrieks. “He has no right,” 

“He owns me,” Neil reminds her; “and I made the deal. I knew the price, and I still agreed. All I’m asking is that you watch over the foxes while I’m gone,” 

“I’ve held my tongue up until now,” Charlie starts. Her voice gets lower, more serious. Almost more British in a way. “But this is too much. You come back to us, dead eyed and covered in hickies and we all know what you’ve given up to protect yourself and your family and to bring us into business with the Moriyamas. But the price is too high. You need to step away from that deal. You need to let it go. We’ll handle the blow back,” 

“We all know that the Moriyamas can crush you,” Neil says. He sees Stewart sigh and look away but Charlie seems more optimistic about their chances. “Besides. I’m not doing...we’re not doing it just for protection.” 

“Really?” Charlie asks, not believing him. “Then why are you letting him fuck you?” 

Neil refuses to flinch at her phrasing and tone. “To kill my father, to get revenge for my mother. To get revenge for me,” 

Stewart is the one visibly flinching at Neil’s words. “What do you mean, boy?” He barks out. 

“I convinced him that I wasn’t safe, that Kevin and Jean weren’t safe with the Ravens. That one of us was already injured, that next time it would be worse, and he’d be out three good investments. And he agreed, let us out of our contracts. He even agreed to protect me from my father because, that too, would be a waste of a good money making investment.

“But that wasn’t enough. I’ll never be safe, my family will never be safe while that man’s alive. So I told Ichirou that I wanted to dethrone my father as the butcher, to be the one to kill him. Of course that would be messy, my father is in deep with the organization, he’s spilt a lot of blood for the Moriyamas, he has a large organization behind him that would also need to be wiped out. I was asking for a lot, the price had to be steep. I got off light, really,” 

Charlie and Stewart look at him in shock. It’s the first time he’s told anyone about the real terms of the deal. It’s the big truth he’s hidden from Andrew. 

“You’re just telling us now?” Stewart demands. 

“It’s not important,” Neil informs him. “It’s never been important. What matters is that it’s happening. And I’m going to need you to be ready for it,” 

“We’ll be ready,” Charlie says. 

“And,” Neil hesitates, not sure that this is the best time to drop bombshell number two. “There’s something else,” 

“What?” Stewart barks. 

“I’m planning on killing Ichirou and will probably need your help with that,” Neil tells them. And that goes down as well as one would expect it to. 

—————————————————

In between the uncontrollable shaking, the sweating, and the memories of past traumas that haunt him, sometimes Andrew’s brain gives him a break. 

For instance, right now, he’s imagining Cass is here, stroking his hair like that one time when he had the flu. He had his guard down. During that whole week Drake didn't come near him for fear of not getting sick. Plus, he had all of Cass’s attention. It was nice. Andrew’s had very few nice experiences in his life. 

He lets his imagination morph the fantasy into Neil stroking his hair. In this version, he’s over himself and his triggers enough to let the red haired boy stoke his hair and face, letting his fingers massage lightly into his skin. It’s a nice imagining, especially because he’s sure aftr the detox he’s going to manage to let go of his feelings for Neil. He’s sure it’s just the drugs rising this emotion in him. 

Suddenly the door is unlocked. He looks up, hoping to see those blue eyes staring back at him, which he pathetically looks forward to everyday. Instead his own eyes stare back at him. 

“When’s the last time you threw up?” His mirror image is asking. The blood is pumping through him fast. 

Andrew doesn’t answer. 

“Fine,” his twin says. “Eat this. It’ll make you stronger, which will get you out of here faster.” 

Andrew nods. Aaron head’s to the door. 

“Neil?” Andrew asks before Aaron’s all the way gone. 

“He’s on a job in London. He’ll be back in about a day and a half,” his brother says. Andrew nods again, letting his brother walk out again. He goes to his spot, sitting on the bed, staring out at the world through the small windows. 

He eats, then throws up. It’s miserable. He waits for his body to stop fighting him. He waits for the sun to go down so he can force himself to sleep.

He’s glad that he’ll sweat and puke out this drug while Neil is gone. He’s glad the blue-eyed demon was a part of the drugs. He’s glad that the wanting will stop. 

He waits for the wanting to stop. 

——————————————————

“I don’t want to go,” Kevin says. It’s not the first time he’s said it. It probably won’t be the last. 

“We know,” Allison tells him. She’s holding Neil’s elbow on his other side in a black short dress. Neil stands in between her and Kevin in a black suit. Kevin’s in his dark grey suit. They all stand outside in front of the bus staring the court that holds the winter banquet. 

“We have to go,” Jean says from where he stands behind them. Neil knows that they do, that it’s what’s expected, but he lets himself imagine turning back to the bus and riding it all the way to Columbia where he can relieve Abby and finally get some sleep knowing Andrew’s safe under the same roof as him. 

“C’mon,” he says instead, leading them through the doors. 

Whoever sat this banquet was smart enough to put them on the other side of the room to the ravens. But Neil can still feel their presence, an awareness born out of years of having to know where Riko stood at all times. He feels the same static sort of awareness in Kevin and Jean. 

“Even without Minyard you guys did really well during the game,” one of the Jackels is saying from across the table. They must be taking about their last game. They had won pretty easily even without Andrew watching the goal. “Man, he’s had quite the season,” he finishes. 

Neil privately agrees but says nothing, eyes sweeping across the room to Riko, back across the room. He sees Riko staring over at them, a little smirk across his face. That can’t be good. 

When they start clearing up the tables he pulls Allison close to him. 

“Did you pack?” Neil asks her. She furrows her brow. 

“No? I didn’t know I should’ve,” she says. 

Neil sighs. “Remind me to get you a conceal carry permit,” he tells her. “There’s one in my duffel. If I tell you, get Jean, Kevin, Nicky and Aaron back to the bus with you and protect yourselves with that if you have to. And get word to the rest of the Foxes to watch their backs. Renee especially,” 

“Why?” Allison asks. 

“Something’s off. Riko’s smiling too much,” Neil tells her. “Maybe I’m being paranoid. But just in case,” 

They had moved away from guns to start training in hand to hand. Allison wasn’t very good yet, but at least she knew how to take a punch and give one back. 

“Okay,” she agrees. “You be careful, too okay?” 

“You know me,” he says. “My middle names careful,” 

“Jesus, are you a fucking idiot?” She asks him. 

“Yeah,” he agrees without hesitation. She huff out a laugh. 

“I’m serious,” she says. “Look after yourself for once,” 

“Okay,” he agrees. It sounds like a lie to his own ears. “I will,” 

“Here,” Allison says, handing him a glass of punch. “Lets at least pretend to have a good time,” 

Neil lets himself get left around, he keeps an eye on Riko, but Riko doesn’t come near him. He starts to feel a headache coming on. 

Neil’s on his second cup of punch, handed to him by a student server when he starts to feel it. It starts with him feeling dull, like everything that was once in focus is now fuzzy. 

“Fuck, fuck fuck,” Neil says. He’s already slurring. 

“Neil?” Allison asks, concerned. 

“Bastard drugged me,” Neil says. He knows this dizziness very well. He once spent four consecutive days in the dizziness. “Get Jean and Kevin, get to the bus,” 

“I’m not leaving you,” Allison says firmly. 

“Go, Allison,” he demands. 

“Look, let me get Matt to get you to the bus and then I’ll get Kevin and Jean okay?” She asks. 

“Fine, just go,” Neil says. He feels himself be lead off and dropped into Matt’s surprised arms. 

“Get him back to the bus, don’t leave his side,” Allison demands. 

“What the hell,” Matt asks. He panics when he feels another pair of hands on him. 

“It’s just me,” Dan reassured him from the other side of Matt. 

“Riko drugged me,” Neil explains. 

“He did what?” Dan demands. 

“Just get me in the bus and then get Kevin and Jean and everyone,” Neil says. He’s surprised that the words are even somewhat intelligible.

Matt and Dan have a short arguement, but after a minute, Neil feels himself being dragged to the bus. 

“Go,” Neil demands when they just stare at him after dropping him into a bus bench. 

“One of us is staying with you,” Dan says. 

Neil grabs the last dregs of his strength, pulls on the Raven arrogance. “No, go get them, both of you, now,” 

It takes a minute of him staring at them for them to nod and finally leave the bus. After Neil watches them go, he looses track of the rest of the world for a while. 

He thinks he’s dreaming for a second when he opens his eyes to find Riko’s midnight eyes staring back at him. 

“Hi Nathaniel,” Riko greats. Neil’s out of it, but he thinks this might be real. He thinks Riko’s real. 

Neil makes a grumbling sound instead of words. Riko smiles. 

“You know, I really always did think of you as a little brother. I never saw you the way Ichirou does. But looking at you now, all drugged up and quiet, I think I get it,” Riko tells him in a low voice. It’s just the two of them and despite himself, Neil’s reverted back to his fourteen year old self, getting drugged by Riko for the first time. 

“Riko, stop please,” Neil says. He knows better then to beg, knows it only gives Riko that victorious smile that only comes from winning exy games and getting away with hurting others. But sometimes, he learned young, that giving Riko what he wanted put an early stop to it. 

Riko smiled that smile and Neil knows there no way to end this quickly. 

“I could do anything I want to you, my baby brother,” Riko says, reaching into Neil hair, giving a vicious yank, making Neil cry out. “I could even see what you’ve got that has my brother going wild. Maybe I should fuck you and see what all the hype is about,” 

Neil whimpers. 

“I wouldn’t,” a new voice calls out. Neil vision is fuzzy but he sees a shock of blond hair and for a stupid second he hopes for Andrew. He blinks and hates himself. 

“Get the fuck out before I put a bullet in your knee,” Allison says from behind Riko. She’s the one saving him. Andrew’s not there. Neil wants to puke, everything is spinning. “You want to try to play exy with a shattered knee?” 

“You wouldn’t dare,” Riko says, still looking at Neil. 

“Trust me. I’m perfectly happy to arrange another skiing accident,” Allison says. 

“Leave, Riko,” Kevin says, suddenly next to Allison. Or was he there the whole time? 

“Ah, not today then, baby brother,” Riko says to Neil standing up. “We’ll have to do it another day,” 

“Get. The. Fuck. Out,” Kevin demands. Neil closes his eyes. When he opens them again, Riko’s gone. 

“Kevin,” Neil says. His voice is a whine that he hates with all his might, but it comes out regardless. Kevin’s there in an instant. Him and Jean huddle around Neil in the back of the bus. 

Neil closes his eyes with his family next to him. He forgets he’s on a bus, instead he feels like he’s back in the nest with Kevin and Jean swarming after him. He feels safe. 

——————————————————   
There’s a hopeful minute, at the end of the second week, where Andrew thinks that the vomiting is over. He’s wrong of course, he’s back to vomiting the next morning, but that second of relief was so bright that it had consumed him. 

As the bile was pouring out of his mouth that next morning he promised himself that he would remember the lesson: nothing that burns that bright can last. He thinks about the red haired boy with the bright blue eyes. He knows he needs to remember that lesson. 

He tells Bee as much during their daily session that afternoon. Now that he’s through the worst of it, she’s making them talk about everything, and he adores Bee, but he doesn’t think it’s helpful. He just wants to wallow in peace. 

“But has Neil ever let you down?” She asks him after he tells her of his promise. 

“Just because he hasn’t doesn’t mean he won’t,” Andrew says. 

“Just because he hasn’t yet, doesn’t mean he will,” Bee counters. 

Andrew doesn’t tell her that he thinks they are both too fucked up to have anything. He doesn’t understand what two bleeding wounds could offer each other except for infection. 

———————————————————

Kevins looking at Neil like he’s speaking Martian. Aaron looks murderous. Allison looks surprised. Nicky looks like he’s trying to ramp down excitement. Jean looks apathetic. 

“We are not going to London for winter break,” Aaron says. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You can’t just tell us where we are spending the next six weeks,” 

“I promised your brother that I’d keep you safe. If you refuse to go, you’ll be breaking your deal with him,” Neil tells him. “Is that what you want?” 

“You know what?” Aaron spits back. “Yeah, what about my brother, we all trot off to London for the holiday, and then what? He’s left behind?” 

“There will plenty of protection left here for him, Abby, Bee, and Wymack. I’ve insured that. Hatford people, not Moriyama. They will be fine,” 

“Renee, Dan, and Matt?” Allison asks. 

“Also taken care of. I offered for them to go but they didn’t want to leave their families. But they are sufficiently protected,” 

“Great,” Aaron snorts “a division one collegiate exy team, under protection of the mob,” 

“We are hardly the first,” Allison reminds him. Aaron huffs. 

“We can’t go,” Kevin says, his voice a little undercut with a whine. “We don’t have a court,” 

“Fuck you,” Nicky tells Kevin. “I am not practicing on my break,” 

“An indoor football field is being converted into a court there for us. I saw to it,” Neil reassures Kevin. Nicky makes a noise. “And Erik can come and go as much as his schedule permits, London’s a lot closer than Columbia,” Neil tells Nicky. Nicky absolutely lights up. 

He looks at Allison. “You okay with that? I need to know my whole family is protected,” 

Allison looks a little aback at being included in Neil’s family. He sees her eyes get a little wet before she drawls our sarcastically “where the fuck else do I gotta be,” 

“Good,” Neil says “your flight leaves tomorrow at 7:30. Don’t be late,” 

“Our flight?” Allison catches, “you aren’t coming?” 

“I have business in Tokyo,” Neil says. He watches all of them stiffen up. Hates how they all know what that means. “I’ll be out of touch for break. But I’ll see you when we get back,” 

“Neil,” Kevin says, voice a sticky hesitating trap. 

“I’m doing what needs to be done,” Neil says. Kevin sighs and looks away. “Have a fun trip,” 

He walks away. Doesn’t think about what needs to be done. Doesn’t think about how much he wants to go with them. 

Only thinks about why he’s doing it. He thinks about Andrew. 

———————————————————

“You accepted your attraction to Roland easily,” Bee is saying in one of their session. “Why do you think Neil is different?” 

They both know why Neil different. He and his therapist are just in a game of demented chicken to see who will state the obvious first. Andrew refuses to lose. He looks at Bee, and keeps his mouth shut. Bee stares right back at him, serenely. 

He hates her. He hates Neil. He hates himself the most. 

——————————————————

“Kneel,” Ichirou demands. 

Neil kneels. 

“Push back,” 

Neil pushes back. 

“Tell me that felt good, darling,” 

Neil tells him it felt good. Maybe he’s not even lying at this point. 

“Eat,” 

Neil eats. 

“Smile for me, darling,” 

Neil smiles. 

His world narrows to the commands pouring out Ichirou’s lips. Ichirou told him that he would be used, completely for six weeks, and he’s never felt so used in his life. 

This is the deal he’s made. He thought he knew what he was getting into. He’s cold empty and naked. He doesn’t know when that’ll change. 

He doesn’t think about why he’s here, after the first week it felt too raw to think of Andrew. 

He’s got three more weeks. 

He’s not sure he’ll be when he walks out of here. He’s not sure if he’s going to be able to walk out of here. 

“Sleep,” Ichirou commands. 

Neil sleeps.

———————————————————

Andrew’s dreams are the most vivid they’ve ever been in his life.

He thinks it might be his brains way of making up for the extreme repetition of his days. It’s wake, eat, maybe puke, have a sour interaction with someone who isn’t Neil, stare at a wall and shake a little, eat again, see Bee, shake some more, eat some more, puke some more, sleep. 

But his dreams? His dreams are almost technicolor. Blurs of blues and reds and white deadly smiles, coming at him with a pace that’s only achievable by one man. It’s him. It’s all him. 

Sometimes it’s bad dreams. Watching Neil get almost raped, imagining Drake on him instead of himself, imagining Neil’s father carving into him, watching the impossible death god crumple in a fight. 

But even worse, he has good dreams. Dreams of happy smiles, of roof top nights, of Neil enthusiastically giving him contsent. 

He wakes up the morning of the before his last detox day thinking that why is he fighting the idea of Neil so hard in his waking hours, when he’s already embraced the idea of Neil in his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my fav chapter that I’ve weitten so far. A lot happened but I hope you had a good time. Thanks for reading and commenting!!!


	24. Chapter 24

It takes Neil a minute to realize where he is. South Carolina. The airport closest to school. He doesn’t remember how he got there. He doesn’t remember how long he’s been there. Even now it’s hard to fight the blankness that’s overcome him the past six weeks. 

He almost dials Jean, before remembering that his best friend is in London with the rest of his and Andrew’s family. 

He calls Wymack, the only one he knows that he can trust to hide him away for the long weekend before everyone comes back for the start of the semester. 

Wymack picks up on the third ring. 

He’s outside waiting for the red truck to pull up five minutes later. 

“Jesus kid,” Wymack says. He reminds Neil of Stewart in this moment. “What the fuck happened to you?” 

Neil shrugs. 

“Kid, I asked you a question, what the hell happened,” Wymack demands. 

“Ichirou,” Neil answers automatically. The name burns coming out. He rubs on his hip. 

“You going to explain to me why translation work has left you dead eyed and jumpy?” Wymack asks. 

“No,” Neil says. 

“Look, I’ve given you more leeway than I probably should. I’ve let you skip practices and covered for you when you’ve left campus for days at a time,” Wymack starts Neil’s listening, but he doesn’t know how to help the man. There isn’t much he can say. “But you call me at five o’clock in the morning asking for a ride. I need to know-“ 

“Wait where are we going?” Neil interrupts. 

“Columbia,” Wymack informs him. 

“No,” Neil says. “No. I need to go back to the tower,” 

“Kid, the dorms don’t open for two days. I would’ve thought that you’d want to check on Andrew,” 

“Absolutely not,” Neil says. “Just drop me off at a hotel,” 

“Kid-“ Wymack tries. 

“Just drop me off here, I’ll call a cab or something,” Neil says. 

Wymack makes an illegal u-turn, his face crunched up and angry. 

“Where are you taking me?” Neil asks. 

“My apartment,” Wymack says. “You can crash on my couch,” 

Neil nods. 

“There’s going to be a point where you are going to have to trust me,” Wymack says. 

“Soon,” Neil hears the promise in his voice, a promise he’s not sure he’s going to be alive to keep. “When everyone gets back, I need to talk to them anyway,” 

Wymack nods, and seems to accept that. 

When they get to Wymack’s messy apartment Neil breaks away into the bathroom. He looks at the dark black ink of the tattoo Ichirou put on his pale hip. He looks at the tattoo that Ichirou put on his inner thigh. 

For the first time in a long time he doubts himself. 

He spends the rest of the short break sleeping on Wymack’s couch and escaping to court when he can. 

It’s the first time in his life that he’s truly alone, without the Ravens or his family or even Ichirou. It doesn’t make him feel better. 

He thinks he left to big of a piece in Japan when he first kneeled to Ichirou. 

——————————————————

Neil’s been avoiding him. Andrew stares at his brother, Nicky, Kevin, Jean, and Allison, who all stare back at him. 

“So he’s not here?” Allison asks. It’s the first thing she’s said to him. They’ve all come to the Columbia house before going to meet Neil, Dan, Matt, and Renee at the dorms. 

“Hi Andrew,” Aaron says pointedly “glad your sober,” 

“No,” Andrew says, ignoring his brother. “I haven’t seen him,” 

“He’s needed space,” Wymack says, walking into the room. “We’ll meet him and the rest back at the tower. Don’t ask him about it,” 

“Ask him about what?” Kevin asks, voice tight. 

“Just don’t ask him. Don’t bother him,” Wymack says. “Physically he’s fine. But. It’s clear he’s been through something,” 

“This is your fucking fault,” Jean turns on Andrew, an explosion no one was expecting. 

Andrew stares at Jean. Privately he doesn’t disagree. Kevin stick a hand out to Jean as if to hold him back. 

“What the fuck happened?” Jean demands. “What did you do? He takes you to California and comes back only to give himself to Ichirou for 6 weeks? You think it’s a coincidence that a judge miraculously lifted your deal six months early?” 

Andrew is not an idiot, so he’s made that connection himself. Jean is right, so Andrew says nothing, just takes it. 

“You are a five food piece of nothing,” Jean spits at him. “And Neil is everything,” his voice is savage, cutting into Andrew. “I don’t care about how scary you are supposed to be, how many people you’ve supposedly killed, if I find that you are taking advantage of him I will make you regret it for the rest of your short life,” 

“I’ll help,” Allison says, hand going to the back of her pants, Andrew can tell she’s packing. 

Kevin clears his throat, opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it then nods in agreement with Allison and Jean. 

“Look,” Aaron starts. 

“Enough,” Andrew breaks in before Aaron can start a defense of him that Andrew doesn’t deserve. He nods at Jean in understanding “We’re leaving,” 

Aaron and Nicky follow him out. Kevin and Allison follow Jean into Neil’s car, and Wymack leaves on his own. 

It feels good to drive. Andrew ignores the awkward energy coming from his family in the car, instead he blasts music and just focuses on the road in front of him. 

Neil’s no where to be found when they arrive at the tower. Renee, Matt, and Dan all say that they haven’t seen him. Kevin and Jean try his phone. Andrew’s tempted to tell them not to bother, that he knows where Neil is. But he keeps his mouth shut and climbs the stairs to the roof. 

When he sees a flash of dark red, he knows he’s found what he’s looking for. Neil doesn’t look up, instead he tenses. Even when Andrew plops next to him, Neil doesn’t look at him, instead the boy keeps his eyes lowered, almost respectfully. 

“I thought we agreed not to lie,” Andrew starts. Neil doesn’t respond, only keeping his head bowed and eyes down. Andrew normally thrives in silence. But this silence is something he can’t stand, it’s sticky and thick. 

“Spar with me,” Andrew demands. Neil’s up and on his gaurd before Andrew’s ready for it. 

The quick and simple acquiesce from Neil puts Andrew further ill at ease. Normally with Neil everything feels like a goddamn ordeal, everything’s an argument, a give and take. This is too easy. Andrew’s always known easy to be a trap. 

Andrew starts circling Neil. Neil tracks him, his body ready for a fight. Andrew strikes out, quickly, Neil blocks it. Andrew strikes out again, only to have Neil block it a second time. They do it again and again with Neil blocking every time. 

“Stop,” Andrew demands. Neil straightens up immediately. “Why are you sparring with me when you clearly don’t want to be here?” 

Neil says nothing. He still hasn’t met Andrew’s eyes. 

“Look at me,” Andrew requests. Neil finally meets his eyes, and Andrew lets in a sharp inhale. Neil has the hazy gaze of a man mostly dead. 

“You shouldn’t have made that deal. I could’ve waited,” Andrew says. 

“You laughed,” Neil says, finally breaking out of his haze. His voice sounds raw, unused.   
He continues when he sees Andrew’s questioning eyes. “He was on top of you, almost raping you, and you laughed. That medicine was poison. You needed off of it,” 

“And I was going to be off it. You just needed to wait,” Andrew tells him. “It was stupid. I don’t need your protection,” 

Neil looks away. Andrew tells he doesn’t agree. “Neil,” Andrew’s voice demands acknowledgement. 

“I’m not going to not watch your back,” Neil tells him. “You look after so many people, but who looks after you?” 

Andrew snorts “that’s rich coming from you. Who do you let watch your back?” 

Neil sighs but doesn’t answer. 

“Look you watch my back, and I’ll watch yours,” Andrew tries. Neil shakes his head. 

“It’s not the same. I’ve got the mafia and Riko and my father’s people all after me. We’ve killed your major demons,” Neil says. “It’s not a fair deal,” 

Andrew really does hate him. Hates how he knows that Andrew’s not the type to stick his neck out in unfair deals. 

“Just let it go,” Neil says. “I’ll handle it. It’s over now. And I don’t regret what I did,” 

The thing that Andrew leaves unspoken: what neils gone through is never really over, it’ll never really leave him. He knows personally, he’ll never escape the feeling of hands tracing his body like he was owned. He doubts Neil will either. 

“Just sit with me,” Andrew requests. Neil complied, sitting next to him on the edge. Andrew presses their knees together and hopes that it says everything Neil’s not ready to say out loud. That he wants to try with Neil, try to watch his back, try to be there for him, try to act on whatever’s between them. 

Neil leans more weight into the spot that’s touching Andrew. 

Andrew lets himself hope that Neil’s hearing everything left unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Let me know how you feel!!! More Neil healing tomorrow.


	25. Chapter 25

Neil doesn’t think he’s hated himself as much as he hates himself now. Even as his father beat him and told him that his mother’s death was his fault. Even as Riko pushed him to his knees in a drugged out state, when he was fourteen and fifteen and sixteen, and well, until the day he left the nest. Even as he heard the pleas of mercy from the first man he tortured under Lola’s watchful eye, he did not hate himself as much as he hates himself now. 

He doesn’t understand it. It was just sex. It wasn’t even particularly rough sex. Ichirou had taken his time opening him up, had thrust with power, but not with brute force. And it was days ago, he should be beyond the feeling of hands trailing on his body, should be past the mental shit down he put himself into. 

It had just been sex. He’s been through worse. He just can’t understand why it’s fucking him up so badly. 

“Neil,” Kevin’s voice calls from the other side of court. It’s the first practice back with the whole team. He’d given everyone a wide birth, which, he could tell, had only made them more curious. “Come here,” 

Neil went. He hates the way his body automatically moves, like some shitty autopilot when he’s given a command. He can’t shake it. He felt Andrew’s and Wymack’s eyes on him without even having to see them. 

“Show Nicky the fifth drill again. He can’t seem to get that it’s not just twirling to shoe off,” Kevin’s tone is so arrogant and it makes even Neil want to roll his eyes. “It’s in order to gain power to throw across the court,” 

“Here, Nicky,” Neil starts to say in order to show Nicky the way his body should be positioned. 

“Neil stop,” Nicky says, his voice angry. Neil’s mouth shuts close. “Kevin you are such a goddamn asshole. I wish for once that you could look up the definition of fun, or having a good time,” 

“The court isn’t for fun,” Kevin says, with a straight face. Matt and Aaron actually laug at that. At this point Kevin and Nicky has the attention of the whole team. “Exy isn’t got having fun. Tell him, Neil,” 

“Nicky, exy isn't-“ Neil starts, jumping to fulfill Kevin’s demands, though the words feel like he’s coughing up a sea urchin stuck in his throat.

“Neil shut up,” Nicky demands. And Neil can tell he’s at a precipice. He can speak now, tell them to stop bossing him around, not while he’s like this. Or he can stay quiet and let himself be buried in the ease of obeying commands. He picks his head up, makes eye contact with Jean, looks over to where Andrew’s watching him carefully. And opens his mouth 

“Enough,” his voice is more of a roar then a scream, he’s surprising even himself. Nicky and Kevin freeze and look at him. Everyone’s frozen and now staring at him. “No more commands. If you need something from me, you ask me. Nicely.” 

Neil looks into each and every one of his team mates eyes. He waits until he sees them nod. Even Andrew told his head down in acknowledgment. 

“Neil,” Dan is the only one brave enough to start “what happ-“ she cuts herself off and takes a deep breath. “Can you please tell us what happened?” 

“Yes,” Neil tells her. “But not today. Not for a long while. You’ll just have to respect this boundary. For now until it’s not so...” 

Neil stops looking for the word. “Until it’s not so fresh,” Jean steps in for him. Neil nods. 

“Until it’s not so fresh,” Neil repeats. 

“We’ve got you, man,” Matt says. 

“Sorry, Neil,” Nicky offers. 

“We’ll watch our phrasing,” Renee nods. 

“Sorry,” Kevin mutters, just for Neil. 

“We should start practicing again,” Neil says, tired of being the center of attention. 

As he’s showing Nicky how to do the fifth drill, he glances over, and for a second, for just a second, he thinks he sees Andrew smile.   
———————————————————

When Neil walks into practice, he looks exhausted. Jean, trailing behind the redhead, looks similarly tired. Andrew’s face shows none of the internal concern he’s feeling.

Then for a second, Kevins smile throws Andrew off. He looks around and sees the rest of the foxes similarly put off by the smile on Kevin Day’s face. It’s 7 am, and he’s arriving right on time for practice. Which for Kevin means he’s about fifteen minutes late. 

When Allison and Charlie glide in behind him, suddenly the smile makes a little more sense. 

“Jesus, how many threesomes are they having?” Aaron mutters under his breath. 

“They?” Nicky asks. Andrew’s surprised too. Kevin Day, international exy star having multiple threesomes, sure. But he wonders how often Allison has been included. 

“Didn’t know it was bring your cousin to practice day,” Wymack drawls. Neil sighs. 

“I need to talk to everyone,” Neil says. “Before we get started. It’s best she’s here for that,” 

Wymack shrugs. Neil clears his throat. He looks nervous. 

“I’m planning something. Something that could mean freedom for me and Kevin and Jean and a lot of other people. Something that could do a lot of good for a lot of people. But it’s dangerous. And I can’t give you all the details,” Neil tells them. The room his so quiet it’s like his voice is echoing. “But before I start putting all of the pieces in place, I wanted to give you all a chance to veto. The least I can do after Seth... is give you guys a chance to say no. I’m better prepared this time, you’ll have my uncles family watching. They won’t be intrusive, you guys said you didn’t even notice them during winter break only there to watch your back. But still. The people I’m dealing with aren’t minor league, it could still be dangerous for everyone associated with me. Which includes you all. So I’m giving you the chance to say no,” 

They all take a second to digest this. Andrew thinks Neil’s an idiot. Why would he ask them? He shouldn’t give people a chance to say no. As of on cue, Aaron’s voice rings out. 

“And if we do say no?” His brother asks. 

“Then I suck it up for a couple of years and wait until I’m not a Fox anymore to strike,” Neil tells him. 

“But by then his reign will be more cemented,” Charlie adds, her British voice ringing through. “And he’ll be harder to handle,” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Dan says, confidently. “You’ll always be a Fox. Do it now or do it five years from now, it doesn’t matter. Neil you’ll always be a Fox.” 

Neil seems shaken by that. The idiot doesn’t know what to do with that kind of loyalty thrown his way. 

“Do it now,” Allison says. “Do it and come home to your family, a free man,” 

Matt, Kevin, and Jean nod. 

“You know we are with you,” Kevin says. Neil nods. He looks at Wymack. 

“I know you never signed up for all of this-“ Neil starts. Wymack interrupts him. 

“Will you be missing more practices?” Wymack asks. 

“No,” Neil says. “It won’t effect games or practices. Especially with the championship coming up,” 

“And you can keep us mostly shielded from this?” Wymack asks. 

“Yes, you’ll be safe to the best of my abilities. Which are considerable,” Neil confirms. 

“Do what you have to do, Kid,” coach says. “Whatever you have to do so that I never have to see you like you were when I picked you up from the airport, okay?” 

“Okay,” Neil says. He looks at Andrew. 

“Nicky and Aaron will be protected,” Neil tells him. 

“I know,” Andrew says. “I’ll make sure of that,” 

“So it’s a no from you?” Neil asks, blank faced. 

“We both know I don’t give yeses for free,” Andrew tells him. 

“What is this going to cost?” Neil asks. 

“I come with,” Andrew tells him. Every face in the wrong looks shocked. 

“Absolutely not,” Charlie says. “You will be nothing but a liability,” 

“Fine,” Neil says, and every face turns to him, looking some how more shocked. Andrew lowers his brow at Neil, not trusting the quick yes. “I’ll take you with me. But it’ll be on my terms,” 

“Then it’s a yes for me,” Andrew tells him. 

“Good,” Neil says, then nods his head, almost to himself. “Good. Okay then. Charlie’s here because I wanted to introduce her to Matt, Dan and Renee, you guys haven’t really met her yet. And I also want you guys to get her number, she’s going to stay around and be the point person on your guys security,” 

“Dan, Matt, Renee,” Charlie says, nodding to them. “I’ve heard a lot of great things, it’s really nice to meet you. I just want all of you guys to know to not hesitate to call me if you see any suspicious activity or you are just getting a bad vibe somewhere. We’d much rather a false call then you guys not calling us because you think you are being stupid.” 

Everyone nods. Charlie looks like she’s going to blend back into the background but then opens her mouth again. “And thank you. For saying yes. You don’t understand how much this means to Neil and me and our family. It means everything,” 

Neil looks dumbfounded by this. 

“You done kid?” Wymack asks. 

“Yeah,” Neil says after a shaky breath. 

“Good, suit up maggots, we’ve got a practice to take care of,” coach hollers. 

Everyone, including Charlie makes their way out except for Neil. Andrew waves Aaron and Nicky ahead when he looks back and notices Neil’s not with them. 

He steps into the couch room to find Neil curled up into a ball on the floor, his back against one of the sofas. He forehead is resting on the top of his knees. He looks a little more then broken. Andrew waits for acknowledgement, and receives none. He aches to step forward. So he does. 

He says nothing, just takes a seat on the sofa Neil is leaning on. 

“Can I?” Neil asks, softly. He still hasn’t looked up. But he rocks to the side like he’s going to lean on Andrew before rocking away. Andrew gets the point. 

“Yes,” Andrew says. Neil leans again him. 

He knows he was right earlier, that he doesn’t give yeses out for free. The cost of this yes is the painful clench of his heart and some of his better judgment. 

“Neil we have to-“ Kevin says barging in. “Oh” he says stopping when he sees Andrew glaring at him while Neil’s still in a ball leaving against Andrew’s thigh. 

“C’mon,” Jean says, taking Kevin back by the neck of his jersey. Andrew nods at the Frenchman as he leads Kevin away. 

“I’m going to handle it,” Neil says, finally breaking his silence. It’s bright with raw hope and it rips into Andrew. “I’m going to take him down and we are going to be free,” 

“I know,” Andrew says. He looks into the blue of Neil’s eyes. He doesn’t know if he fully believes what he’s saying, but he doesn’t think he has a choice at this point. “I know,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty heavy but tbh it’s where we are at rn. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and lmk what y’all thought!!!


	26. Chapter 26

Neil wakes up to the sound of Kevin cursing loudly in Japanese. Neil shoots off the bed, already assuming the worst, but when he looks there’s no pressing danger in the room, only a horrified looking Kevin staring at his laptop. 

“Kevin?” Neil asks, voice still groggy. 

“You’re, uh,” Kevin starts, looking at Neil with panic. “You’re going to want to see this,” 

Kevin turns his laptop around so that Neil can see the screen. 

“Fuck,” Neil gasps. He wants to throw up. On Kevin’s laptop screen is a picture of Neil taken in profile in the black locker rooms of the nest. He’s on his knees in front of a shirtless Riko, wearing nothing but a pair of bright red, tight compression shorts. His scars have been mostly blurred out, but he sees a very telling lack of scarring around his shoulder. In it he’s looking at Riko with a smile that’s so wide, that it can’t help but be read as complete adoration. His eyes look so blurry, Neil knows it’s from one of the times that he was drugged back in the Nest. Riko’s leaning forward, fingers touching the three tattoo on Neil’s cheek and looking back at Neil in the picture, with gleaming eyes that contradict a soft affectionate smile. 

The picture is utterly damning. 

“You were what?” Kevin asks, his voice shaking. “Sixteen?” 

“Fifteen,” Neil answers. His voice is hallow. “My shoulder isn’t scarred in this,” Neil point to the scar on his shoulder he got on his sixteenth birthday. Neil stares at the photo more, hating it, hating everything about it. 

“I thought you said nothing ever happened,” Neil says, brow furrowed. He tries to clear out the hurt that soaks into his voice, but he can’t quite manage it. “That he never did that,” 

“He didn’t,” Kevin is quick to promise. “I was there every time and I swear nothing like that ever happened. It just looks bad,” 

“Yeah,” Neil says voice tight. “It does,” 

“There’s more,” Kevin says. 

“Fuck,” Neil repeats. Kevin clicks over to another picture, much like the one before. Neil’s still on his knees, still mostly naked. The only thing that’s changed is that Neil’s eyes are shut, like he’s savoring the moment. Riko’s hand has moved from Neil’s cheek to tracing Neil’s bottom lip, a satisfied smirk painting Riko’s face. Neil wants to close his eyes against the image, but he forces himself to look, forces himself to see what he was too drugged to remember. In the background he can hear his phone ping several times. He wonders if it’s the Foxes, the Hatfords, or Ichirou. He knows over the course of the day it will probably be all three. 

“Last one,” Kevin says, clicking over to the last leaked photo. This one is again much the same as the last two, Neil on his knees, Riko sitting on a locker room bench, staring down at him, gently touching Neil’s face. But this one pans out to show Kevin’s there as well, standing off to the side, staring at the scene before him with something like concern and disgust in his eyes. 

“Fuck!” Neil lets out. 

“I think he’s trying to make it look like-" Kevin stops himself like he can’t force the words out of his mouth. 

“Like me and Riko had something you were jealous of,” Neil finished for him. “That I’m what split you two up,” 

“Yeah,” Kevin confirms, staring at the picture, helpless. 

A pounding on the door interrupts them as the look at the laptop in disbelief. “Neil,” Allison calls. 

Neil gets up, Kevin following him to the door. He pulls open the door to find Allison in her pajamas, makeup free and sleep soft instead of dolled up like usual. She looks panicked. It’s only 8:30, it’s a rare Saturday that they’ve stayed on campus instead of following Andrew and crew to Columbia. Behind her down the hall, Renee is standing in their doorway. Matt and Dan are standing in the doorway of Matt’s room, and even further down he can see the twins and Nicky look out from their doorway. Andrew’s heavy gaze is as predictable as it is hard to meet. Neil sighs. 

“Dan, call Wymack. Tell him we have a situation. I’m going to assume that this is going to require some sort of interview to clear this all up. But I need to check with my superiors first,” Neil keep his voice as devoid of emotion as possible. Dan stands there, staring at him like he’s speaking Japanese. And he’s pretty sure he’s not, at least not at this point. “I’ll make that call on the way to Wymack’s office though,” 

“Neil,” Dan says, finally speaking. Her voice is fragile, like she’s afraid he’s going to break under the weight of it. “Did he?” 

She doesn’t finish the question. And Neil hates the way it dangles frayed and unbridled in front of them all. 

“Did Riko rape you?” Andrew asks. The direct question forces all of the air out of the hall way. Neil’s greatful for it, he’s always moved better when he’s felt like he’s running out of air. 

“No, Riko’s never touched me like that,” Neil answers. Suddenly everyone is breathing again. Andrew looks at him carefully then nods. “I think he’s doing it to piss off his brother. And to make it look like I’m what broke Kevin and Riko up,” 

“Thank god,” Renee says, sounding like she actually means it. 

“Calling Wymack,” Dan says, pulling her phone from her pocket. 

Once Neil and Kevin are dressed they meet Allison and Dan in the hallway, Allisons gotten dressed in record time. Andrew’s waiting for them outside of his own room, a surprise to Neil. But he just nods and allows it. 

“Where’s Jean?” Dan asks as the head out to the parking lot. 

“Library,” Neil tells her. He hands Kevin his keys and gets in the front. He’s going to need to concentrate. 

He looks in the backseat where Allison and Dan sit in between a pissed off Andrew. 

“I’m calling Ichirou,” Neil warns them as he starts dialing. Kevin pulls out of the parking lot, going about 40 mph in reverse, causing everyone to jostle. Dan curses under her breath. 

“Nathaniel,” Ichirou greats after only two rings. Neil feels himself freeze. He hasn’t heard that voice in almost two weeks, and for a second Ichirou’s velvet tone takes him right back into that room on that bed with Ichirou whispering commands into his ears while Neil’s being taken apart. 

Neil almost chokes, before he feels Andrew’s hand on his shoulder. He starts to turn around to look at the boy in the back when Kevin jerks the car into a turn. 

At least Ichirou sounds like he’s in a good mood. He must’ve not heard the news. 

“We might have a problem,” Neil warns in Japanese. 

“A problem?” Ichirou repeats, all traces of a good mood gone. 

“Riko has released phots from when I was fifteen. They look pretty compromising. I think he’s trying to imply I’m what broken Kevin and him up,” Neil says. Kevin makes a noise in the back of his throat. There’s a pause on the other end of the line.

“Focus on the damn road, Kevin,” Allison snaps from the back. 

“Ah,” Ichirou says. He sounds like quiet rage. “I see,” 

“He’s never touched me like that,” Neil tells Ichirou quickly. 

“And Kevin?” Ichirou asks. 

“What about Kevin?” Neil asks, confused. Kevin’s head whips over to Neil. 

“Kevin,” Dan warns. Kevin breaks just before he rearends the car in front of them. 

“Has Kevin ever touched you?” Ichirou asks. 

“God no,” Neil says. “not like that. It’s only ever been you. You’re the only one,” 

Kevin looks relieved and pissed all at once. Neil doesn’t look at Andrew. 

“Good,” Ichirou says, voice warm again. 

“I think an interview will help. Me, Kevin, Jean. Talking about what it was like growing up in the nest, how we are the best of brothers and all that,” Neil suggests. 

“Nothing too damaging,” Ichirou warns. “We are still making money off of them,”

“Of course. It’ll be just enough to put Riko in his place,” Neil agrees. 

“Good, get it out as soon as possible,” Ichirou orders. 

“I’ll call you when it’s scheduled,” Neil says, quick to agree, but he’s pretty sure Ichirou’s already hung up. 

“We’ll do an interview,” Neil tells Dan. “Probably just me Kevin and maybe Jean. In order to set the record straight,” 

Dan nods. Kevin parks, coming to a screeching halt. 

“Jesus fucking Christ Kevin,” Allison snaps. “Who the fuck taught you how to drive?” 

“Neil did,” Kevin answers, seemingly unconcerned. Allison makes a choking sound, Neil turns to see even Andrew looking at Kevin a little funny. 

“Why the fuck did a fourteen year old teach you how to drive?” Allison asks 

“I was thirteen. And I had been driving for two years,” Neil tells them. 

“A thirteen year old taught you how to drive?? Jesus. Who the fuck teaches an eleven year old to drive?” Allison demands. 

“The leader of a major crime syndicate and his mistress,” Neil answers honestly. “It was a part of my training, for you know, everything” 

He remembers Lola’s lessons. Neil’s always been on the smaller size, he remembers sitting on the stacked pillows in the drivers seat, his feet barely meeting the petals and Lola’s harsh back hand when he accidentally scratched the car. He remembers being twelve and being told to ‘fucking drive, drive, drive’ as he peeled away from a nice looking house in a nice looking neighborhood, with loud sirens in the background. 

“Your life is so fucked,” Allison tells him. He shrugs. He doesn’t disagree. 

————————————————————

It doesn’t take long to explain to Wymack the situation and Neil’s dumb ass plan to get help everything blow over. In the meantime Wymack warns the kid to stay low. Dan and Kevin stay behind to talk about the first game coming up, but Neil, Andrew, and Allison escape back to the dorms. 

“C’mon,” Neil tells Andrew as they head inside. Neil leads him to the stairs to the roof. 

They both settle on the ledge, Andrew pulling out a couple cigarettes for them both. Neil takes his gratefully, sucking in the smoke then letting it settle down onto his lap, whips of smoke rising up as he looks out. 

Andrew waits, smokes his cigarette, and waits. After a couple minutes his patience is rewarded. 

“Are you ready to talk about it?” Neil asks. Andres looks confused do Neil clarifies. “About what happened on thanksgiving? The kiss?”

And Andrew’s not sure what he expected, maybe some heartfelt confession about growing up on his knees in front of Riko, maybe something about his time with Ichirou over Christmas. What he absolutely does not expect is Neil’s head cocked, his lips slightly smiling as he asks about the kiss they shared. 

“No,” Andrew says. “After Riko, after Christmas, you’re no where ready for that,” 

“I didn’t ask if I was ready,” Neil says, snapping a little. “I asked if you were,” 

“Why now?” Andrew asks. 

“Because I’m tired of feeling owned,” Neil says, voice sure angry and confident. “And I’ve never felt less owned then when you kissed me,” 

Holy fuck, Andrew’s so fucked. He knows it, looking into those blue unashamed eyes. He knows it and he hates it but he’s still there. He still looking. He’s still longing. 

“I’m not you answer,” Andrew tells him. Keeping his voice blank is a struggle he’s not quite winning. 

“I know. I’m not asking you to be. All I’m asking you is yes or no?” Neil says, leans in close. 

Andrew huffs. Thinks about. Thinks about how much he’s going to regret this. But in the end he can only look into the blue of Neil’s eyes, lean in a centimeter away from his lips and tell him “yes, but don’t touch me.” 

Neil meets him the last centimeter, their lips touch and Andrew can’t find it in him to regret anything. Neil’s sitting on his own hands, and smiling in between kisses. 

They spend the rest of the morning and well into the afternoon up on the roof, sharing kisses and cigarettes and even laughs. Andrew lets Neil shake off his awful morning, this awful winter, his mostly awful life. And with Neil’s soft smile pressed into his lips, for once Andrew just lets himself be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a roller coaster, I know. But some angst and some fluff and my weird head cannon that Kevin’s the worst driver. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you think.


	27. Chapter 27

“Holy shit,” Nicky says in awe. “You're getting interviewed by Peggy Masters?” 

“Yes?” Neil asks, not sure what to do with Nicky’s enthusiasm. They are all at Sweeties’s, Andrew and Neil’s crew all six of them squeezed into a corner booth meant for five. It’s been a week of chaos and over repeating the phrase ‘no comment’ after Riko dropped the pictures. He’s glad to escape the press stricken campus in order to get away for the weekend. 

“She’s incredible. Me and my mom used to watch her all the time,” Nicky says. A dark look passed over his face at the mention of his mother but he keeps going. “She’s like Barbra Walters but like. Not a bitch. And actually funny,” 

“I don’t know who that is,” Neil tells Nicky, 

“You don’t know who Barbra Walters is?” Nicky half screeches. 

“She’s like a bitchier, less funny version of Peggy Masters,” Jean deadpans at Nicky, who somehow misses the sarcasm. 

“Exactly. See, Jean gets it. That’s why Frenchie’s my favorite,” Nicky tells them. That gets a snort out of Aaron. 

“All I know is she’s going to get here Monday and shadow me for the week leading up to the game, and we’ll do the interview that night after we’ve won,” Neil explains to them. 

“I thought Ichirou wanted something quick?” Kevin asks. “Just to get the word out and be done with it?” 

Neil shrugs. “I think he changed his mind, wanted something more thorough. I don’t know. Just get it all out of your system now, it’s best behavior starting Monday,” 

“Why do the interview?” Aaron asks. Neil looks up confused, pretty sure that the answer is evident. “Isn’t it bad for your, you know, after school activities,” 

When Neil looks confused, Andrew speaks up to clarify. “Isn’t being so well known bad for the jobs you do for your family and the Moriyamas?” 

“The people I go after usually already know me,” Neil says. “But not for Exy. I have bit of a, well,” Neil hesitates, not sure how to say that the people he’s after usually already know to be afraid of him. “A reputation in those circles,” he finishes. 

“Jesus,” Aaron says. 

The night passes quickly, with a too drunk Kevin turning into a too hungover Kevin, and a tired Neil and Jean passing out on a futon in the living room, pressed close together. 

The next morning Neil wakes up hearing someone moving in the kitchen. Neil gets up to investigate to find Andrew making coffee. Once it’s done Andrew pours two mugs only to start to walk out of the room. He turns his back to Neil to see if he’s following, Neil scrambles after him. 

Andrew leads him to the biggest bedroom in the house, then sets the coffee down on the little end table next to the nice king sized bed. 

“Can I?” Neil asks, waving at the bed. Andrew nods and Neil sits lightly on the edge of the bed. He doesn’t know how to start this. He’s glad when Andrew does, leaning over to kiss him gentle before pulling away. 

“What are your limits?” Andrew asks. 

“My what?” Neil asks, still sleepy and wanting more of the warm feeling he gets when Andrew touched him. 

“Like for me, you don’t touch me except where I tell you that you can. And you verbally say yes,” Andrew outlines, a little gruff, but surprisingly patient. 

“Oh,” Neil stops and thinks. “No direct orders or commands, everything has to be a question. No biting. No hickeys. And,” he trails off and turns bright red. 

“What?” Andrew asks. 

“Nothing we aren’t there yet,” Neil hedges. 

“We won’t get there unless you tell me your limits,” Andrew tells him. Neil sighs. He hates the shame, but he’s glad for the clarity. 

“If I have you in my mouth, like a blow job, don’t yank too hard on my head,” Neil says. 

“What do you mean?” Andrew “like don’t pull your hair?” 

“No like my head, don’t yank it and hold it still and pump your hips,” Neil stutters through the words. 

“Face fucking?” Andrew says, Neil watches something like rage flicker across Andrew’s face. “Don’t fuck your face,” Andrew repeats. Neil feels his face shatter but he forces himself to nod. Andrew’s jaw clinches and he looks away from him. Neil was afraid of something like this. He’s knows it’s fucked up, and probably triggering for Andrew who’s already had to go through too much. He doesn’t need Neil to be a walking reminder of what he’s suffered. 

They sit there for a while before it’s clear that if Andrew isn’t going to pull the plug, he’s going to have to. Neil lets out a silent “okay” and starts to get up. 

“Where are you going?” Andrew asks Neil. 

“If you don’t want this anymore, it’s fine. Really. It was too much,” Neil says and starts walking out of the room. 

“Fucking idiot. Get back here and sit down,” Andrew orders.

“Andrew. I’m serious, it’s fine. I know that I’m not like normal. I know that I’m not-“ Neil cuts himself off and sighs. 

“You’re not what?” Andrew asks. Neil doesn’t answer. “And what, you think I’m normal. You saw Drake. You saw it almost happen” 

“That’s different,” Neil defends. Andrew give him a sharp look. “It is. He forced himself on you. You didn’t have a choice. I chose Ichirou. I chose to put myself through it,” 

“Did you want him to fuck you? Once? Ever?” Andrew asks. Neil shakes his head. “I’m not disgusted by you. Or mad at your choices. I’m angry for you. Because you shouldn’t have gone through any of that,”

“You deserve someone with less issues. Someone who can help you figure it out without having their own hang ups,” Neil tells him.

Andrew just says “you’re such an idiot,” then leans back in where Neil’s sitting on the bed still. “Yes or no?” 

“Yes,” Neil whispers. Then Andrew’s lipsareon his and he’s being pushed back against the bed, and he’s not touching Andrew but he’s close enough to feel the heat rising off of him and he’s flushed with it. He’s never felt much with Ichirou or some of the ravens he’s kissed, but it’s different with Andrew. It’s a revelation with Andrew. 

After some time they part, staring at the ceiling, side by side catching their breath. 

“We aren’t going to be able to do this when the cameras get here,” Neil warns. “If Ichirou even gets a whiff of this, we are all dead,” 

“Who says that I even want to do this again?” Andrew asks. Neil turns his head to see Andrew looking at him. He’s almost smiling. Neil reaches a hand over, tracing the small curve without actually touching Andrew’s skin. Andrew allows it expression unchanging. 

“See,” Neil starts, his own answering smirk growing. “I think that you think this,” 

“You’re an idiot,” Andrew says. 

“That wasn’t a no,” Neil tells him. 

Andrew doesn’t say anything, just leans in close, waiting for Neil’s soft ‘yes’ before pressing his back to Neil’s. 

Yeah, Neil’s pretty positive that Andrew likes it. 

————————————————————

Peggy Masters is an older black woman with a sharp and generous laugh and very observant eyes. Andrew takes one look at her when she arrives that Monday and quickly decides to avoid her at all cost. He knows the feeling of those too-watching eyes, had felt them often when he was bouncing around foster care. He didn’t trust them then and doesn’t trust them now. 

He barely sees Neil that week, just during morning practice and afternoon gym sessions. Kevin and Jean are all over him though. The three of them moving like a solid unit, with Allison sometimes folding in as well. Dan, Matt and Renee also manage to make some appearances while they are filming. It looks like one big happy exy fanily, and Andrew is glad to steer clear. 

He’s not happy to admit, even to himself, that he misses Neil though. Not happy with the slight ache that come from seeing him running and laughing in practice, but not being able to touch, or even look for that long. 

But he tells himself to be content with the boys continuous presence, after all his family and the Moriyamas don’t dare call him away when he’s under such watch. And he watches the last vestiges of the winter break spend with Ichirou roll off of Neil’s back. His smiles get more genuine as the week passes, and the teams attitude and gameplay thrives because of it. Under Neil’s careful guidance, even Nicky is playing at his best, all of them spurred by Neil’s laughing encouragement to pass more, to run faster, to talk to each other. 

The week passes both quickly and slowly all at the same time. But they all wake up on Friday ready to play. Even Andrew’s ready to play if it means that Peggy leaves soon. 

Wymack makes them go to their morning classes, but Andrew’s only got one blow off class, afterwards he makes his way back to his dorm to find Neil sitting in his doorway. 

“Where’s you shadows?” Andrew asks. 

“Packed up until tonight,” Neil tells him, getting up and following Andrew into his room. “I swear to god, the second this interview is over tonight, Kevin’s going to chug a handle of vodka,” 

“Can I help you?” Andrew asks him, watching as Neil makes himself comfortable on one of the beanbags on the floor. Neil gives him a flirtatious smile that Andrew wants to kiss off his dumb face. He refuses to let himself that that he missed the blue eyed devil. 

“I don’t know, can you?” Neil asks back. 

“I fucking hate you,” Andrew tells the boy, wanting to make that clear before he lets himself drown in the blue skies of Neil’s eyes. 

“I know,” Neil smiles. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks. 

“Yes,” Neil half whispers. Andrew leans down and finally manages to shut him up for an hour or two. It’s a good hour. 

Andrew pulls away when things get too much, when Neil’s mouth drifts to his neck and he has to stop the moan threatening to come out. 

“Enough,” Andrew says a little harshly, without thinking. When Neil snaps away, he immediately retreats it. He hates the cloudiness in Neil’s eyes. “I think that’s enough,” Andrew rephrases, and Neil nods, hearing the silent apology in there. 

“We need to get to the locker room,” Neil nods hoisting his body off of the beam bag. He’s almost out of the room before he turns back around. 

“Be careful tonight,” Neil warns. “All eyes are on us. Ichirou’s eyes are on us,” 

Andrew nods, watches as he leaves. The warning ruins what’s left of his good mood, ringing in his head as he drives Nicky and Aaron to Court and as he suits up. It’s only when the first buzzer calls out it’s own warning that the game starts in a minute that Andrew manages to shake it. 

They all play well, Neil and Kevin managing to keep control of the ball throughout the first half. Andrew doesn’t even have to work that hard, most of the backline managing to keep balls out. They rake up enough of a point gap that no one is worried when Renee comes in for him in the second half. Wymack’s halftime speech leaves something to be desired, as it always does, but the team is ready when they go out. 

The other team gets more rough as the realize that they can’t catch up, Andrew watches as Neil gets thrown around the court, being pushed down, slammed into walls. He takes it well, but Andrew can see the slight limp after catching a racquet to the back of his thigh. 

It’s no surprise when they win, but his idiot team still acts like it is, jumping up and down, being all over each other before shaking hands with the other team. Him and Jean make eye contact through it, and Andrew can tell that they are both internally cursing the ridiculous spectacle of it, and Andrew thinks that sometimes Frenchie isn’t that bad.

They all make their way back to the locker room, all of them sweaty, most of them joyous. Then Neil’s phone rings. They all tense. 

“Hey I gotta take this, but Kev, if you could shower real quick and distract Peggy for a minute,” Neil asks. Kevin nods, immediately making his way to the shower. Neil takes a deep breath before opening the phone, and greeting whoever, probably Ichirou in Japanese. 

When Neil’s face goes blank, Andrew knows it’s the little lord. Neil’s face goes grave for a minute, before he responds in Japanese before hanging up. 

“Everything okay?” Allison is the only one who dares to ask. 

“No,” Neil sighs before resting his forehead against one of the lockers. Kevin comes out of the showers with wet hair in his too orange track suit, listening to Neil carefully “Kengo’s health is failing. It’s been bad for a while, but he’s on the last dregs of life at this point. I need to leave tonight after the interview, for when they make the announcement tomorrow,” 

Andrew’s rage is sudden and blinding. He thinks of Neil going to Ichirou, of being forced to comfort his rapist, and his arm swings out before he’s really aware of it. His fist slams into a locker, hard enough to make a slight dent, but not hard enough that he’s broken anything, yet at least. He pulls his arm back again before he feels a hand on the back of his jersey. He turns, ready to punch whoever’s trying to stop him, only to see Neil, looking concerned. 

“He’ll be dead soon,” Neil says to him in German. Nicky gasps at the savagery of it. “He’ll die in shock and in pain, and I’ll be free. But until then, I have to play the game,” 

Andrew says nothing, but let’s himself be lead to a concerned Abby, who confirms the fact he hasn’t broken anything. Neil off to take his shower then and meet up with Peggy where she waits for him. 

By the time Andrew’s out of the shower and dresses, Neil, Kevin and Jean are all miked up and in front of her. 

“You all played well tonight,” Peggy tells him. Andrew watches with the rest of the foxes from behind the crew. 

“Thanks,” Kevin says, all media smile and fake humility. 

“Well, lets jump right in,” Peggy starts. “Recently some pictures came out with some pretty heavy implications from back in your raven days. I trust youve seen them?” 

“Yes, we’ve seen them,” Kevin answers. 

“At this point, I’m pretty sure the whole worlds seen them,” Neil says. 

“And what do you have to say to the implication in that picture that you and Riko had some sort of sexual relationship,” Peggy asks Neil. 

“That it’s not true. That I’ve never seen Riko like that. That I was fifteen and thought I was with people that were my brothers, in a place that I felt safe. Until last week, I want even aware that those pictures exsisted,” Neil tells her. 

“They way that you are posed is, well. It’s suggestive,” Peggy counters. 

“I can’t answer for Riko, but for me at least, the last thing I had in mind was anything sexual. Kneeling wasn’t a sexual thing. It was a power thing.” Neil tries to explain. “Riko’s obsessed with power and rank. I mean anyone who tattoos numbers their brothers faces, and on their own face would have to be. The concept of the perfect court is that Riko is number one, and the rest of us will always be as good as the numbers on our cheeks. While the rest of the world would see that as something sexual, Riko sees that as number three in his rightful place, kneeling before number one,” 

“I see,” Peggy says. Andrew doubts that she actually does that. “But something in your face in the photo tells me that you weren’t fighting it,” 

Andrew’s clenching his jaw. Hating the way it makes it sound like Neil has wanted any of this. 

“I wasn’t fighting it at the time. I was fifteen, playing the game I loved more then life, with my brothers who I thought I could trust. It was my whole world. It wasn’t until everything with Kevin that I realized that the way that we were living wasn’t right. That we aren’t prize cattle to be ranked,” Neil tells her. 

“Speaking of Kevin, the last picture realeased has created quite a stir in and of itself. What do you have to say about the accusations that Neil is the Yoko Ono of exy?”

“It’s ludicrous,” Kevin breaks in. “I left because I broke my hand and there was nothing left at the Ravens for me. Neil and Jean followed because they wanted the challenge of dragging a low rank team up to the top of the league. It has nothing to do with some fictional relationship fight over Neil,” 

“I mean, you tell us,” Jean breaks in. “You’ve been following us around all week, have you ever even slightly gotten the feeling that there’s anything between Kevin and Neil besides a fraternal bond?” 

“No,” Peggy answers honestly. She turns to Neil “So you disagree with the ranking system?” 

“Absolutely,” Neil tells her. “Besides the fact that it’s demotivating and ignores players potential progress, it’s always been fundamentally wrong,”

“Why do you says that?” Peggy asks. 

“Because the number one exy player never was Riko Moriyama. He can carve it on his cheek, but he’s not the best Exy player alive. I’m sitting next to to best Exy player alive. His name is Kevin Day and I’m lucky to call him my brother,” Neil declares. 

They watch Kevin’s face heat up, and he thinks they are all thinking the same thing: the Ravens are going to love this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so fluffy, For the most part, and fun to write. Let me know what you guys think! Thanks for reading!


	28. Chapter 28

“Where are you going?” Ichirou asks Neil as Neil slips out of the bed. Neil rests a hand on Ichirou’s back, leans in brushing his hair aside and pressing a kiss on his forehead. Ichirou smiles lightly, the only smile Neil’s seen from him all weekend. 

“I can’t sleep,” Neil tells him. “I’m going to get a cup of tea and check on Stewart,”

“Come back when your done,” Ichirou orders and Neil nods. It’s early, Neil can see the first bands of light stretching out through the window if Ichirou’s bedroom. They are at the New York townhouse. Neil looks back at Ichirou’s half sleeping form. It’s been stressful for him, dealing with his father’s illness and the pressing in of all of his father’s responsibilities. More than once he’s thanked Neil for being there, for watching his back. He leaves the room quietly, heads out to the study where his uncle is supposed to be on watch. 

“Nate,” his uncle greets him. Neil shakes his head before going around the room, searching for the tell tale signs of any bugs in the room. 

“I already checked,” Stewart says before Neil reaches down to under the second desk drawer and yanks up a handful of wires connecting to a small microphone. 

“It’s one of Lola’s. She’s one of my father’s people,” Neil explains. His uncle looks surprised. “Planting bugs was one of Lola’s specialties,” 

His uncle nods. “Must’ve missed that. Now what did can I do for you, my boy?” Neil shakes his head. 

“Wait,” Neil says before standing on a chair to the second tallest shelf in the middle of the floor to ceiling book cases. He reaches in to pull out another handful of wires, then turns off the small switch where a small microphone is attatched. “This one is mine,” he explains. 

“Why turn it off?” His uncle asks. 

“I want no records of this.” Neil explains, then goes for one of the armchairs opposite Stewart. “Do you have what I asked for?” 

Stewart reaches into the inner pocket of his blazer, pulling out a folded piece of paper. “A list of all of the people more loyal to the Moriyamas then to money. The first four are going to be the ones causing the most trouble,” 

Neil nods. “Thanks. Those will need to be taken out at the same time too, as not to cause anyone to be suspicious. We can deal with the others once Ichirou and the other four houses are taken care of,” 

“Have any plans for how we are going to do that?” His uncle asks. 

“The beginnings of one,” Neil tells Stewart, who looks pained at that answer. “But I’ve always been better thinking on my feet,” 

“And that’s why I’m up half the night worrying about you, boy,” Stewart says. There’s an awkward beat where Neil takes that in and doesn’t know what to do with the care his uncle is offering. Then Stewart reaches back into his inner pocket and takes out another piece of paper. “And this is a list of people who have enough resources and are bold enough to try to fight us for the position that the Moriyamas are going to leave,” 

Neil takes the offered piece of paper, opening it. The names on the paper don’t really surprise him, but the sheer number of them may cause a problem. Neil sighs. 

“This we can start taking care of now,” Neil tells him. “I’ll coordinate with Charlie to cut this list down before we strike down the lord,” 

“Let me know if there is anything we can do on our end,” Stewart offers.

“Thank you,” Neil starts. “Not just for this, but for all of it. I know I’m just this kid that popped out of nowhere and started asking you for practically the whole world. Thank you for stepping up, for helping me take this on,” 

“You’re not just some kid,” Stewart says vehemently. “You’re Mary’s son. And even more than just that though. You’re a good kid. With the potential to be a good man. You deserve a good future playing the game you love so much. For Mary’s sake, yes, but for your sake too,” 

Neil once again doesn’t know what to do with the regard his uncle holds him in. He settles for nodding and saying “thank you,” 

“How’s it going with the little lord?” Stewart asks. 

“Good,” Neil says, thinking of Ichirou’s sleepy smile before his exit. “He’s never relied on me more. We are in a good place for all of this. I should be getting back though,”

He gets up to leave, reaching back over to where his bug is and turning it back on. 

“Good luck,” his uncle tells him. Neil nods then heads upstairs to where Ichirou is waiting. 

“It’s almost time to get up,” Ichirou says as Neil crawls back into the bed. 

“It’s almost time for me to leave,” Neil tells him, dreading what’s bound to happen next. Ichirou hasn’t tried to fuck him all weekend, too exhausted to demand anything but a comforting touch, which Neil is happy to provide. But Neil’s about to leave him for god knows how long. He’s sure Ichirou is going to want him at least once before he goes. 

“Come here,” Ichirou orders, and Neil shuffles over. Ichirou maneuvers him so that Neil’s back is pressed up against Ichirou with the little lords arms wrapped around him. “Just stay like this for as long as you can,” 

Neil doesn’t understand but he stays still like he’s told, too warm in the embrace and plotting that ways he can take down the man holding him. 

————————————————————

Andrew opens his door to find Jean in the hallway waiting for him. 

“He’s back,” he says, French accent thick and quiet. “He’s going to need you,” 

Jeans gaze is assessing and heavy Andrew just looks back. 

“Where is he?” Andrew asks. 

“At the gym. Charlie’s with him,” Jean tells him. Andrew starts walking down but Jean clears his throat. Andrew turns around and cocks an eyebrow. 

“Watch our for him,” Jean says quietly. “He’s been through too much. He’s giving up to much to be jerked around. He seems to trust you. I don’t get it. But don’t fuck it up.” 

Andrew just nods. Jean seems to accept that, letting Andrew escape to the elevator. He’s in autopilot as he heads into his car and then makes his way to the court. He sees the beautiful slate grey Mclaren he’s started associating with Charlie in the parking lot. He pulls in and walks to the weight room upstairs.

Charlie and Neil don’t notice him as he walks in. Instead they circle each other, crouched and ready to fight. Charlie is out of her normal finery, just in simple back leggings and a pink sports bra. She’s tiny, smaller then even Andrew, but only by an inch or two. 

Suddenly she moves, just as quick as Neil, and the sparring starts in earnest. She’s the only one he’s ever seen stand a chance against Neil, striking with just as much speed, hitting with just as much power, moving her body with the same amount of impossible flexiblity. The fight lasts for over a half an hour, Andrew watches then exchange blows. He starts to see Charlie flagging, getting exhausted by the continuous movement. Neil, who’s been forced to play full games for months now, stays strong, not looking the least bit tired. 

The fighting only lasts another few minutes before Neil has Charlie on the ground and tapping out. Neil has the grace to help her back up to her feet. 

When they both turn to look at Andrew, neither of them seem surprised by his presence. 

“Hey,” Neil greets him, Neil’s smile soft. Andrew’s glad to see it. The boys blue eyes seem clear, even a little defiant. Andrews not sure whats brought this on, but he’s glad for it. He counts it as a victory that he doesn’t have to see Neil’s defeated gaze like he did after Christmas break. “I’m glad your here. I have something to discuss with both of you,” 

“Oh?” Charlie says. Andrew tilts his head and waits. 

“There’s a lot of pieces that need to be taken off the board before I make a move towards the lord to be,” Neil says. Andrew’s not sure why he’s speaking in half code but nods his head in understanding. “And in the next month or so leading up to it there might have to be a couple of excursions to make sure that those pieces get taken care of. I wanted to let you know I might be out taking care of this more,” 

“How can I help?” Charlie asks. “Let me take care of some of them. You and Andrew are here, and so are Dennis and Mac. All four of you can help keep everyone here covered if I leave. If you let me help, we can get it done quickly,” 

Neil thinks about it, and sighs reluctantly. “Fine. But I’ll give you the easy ones that I’m just trying to cripple, not take out. It has to be subtle. The second anytime suspects anything we are fucked,” 

“I’m coming with you,” Andrew tells Neil. “When you go after the big missions,” 

“It’s not safe,” Neil argues. 

“I can take care of myself,” Andrew tells him. They’ve locked eyes and Andrew once again feels like he’s drowning in it. Neil opens his mouth to argue one more time but Andrew cuts him off. “All of this is for nothing if you get killed trying to take out one of the bigger pieces. You need someone there to watch your back,”

Neil sighs. “Fine,” 

“Good, glad we have that settled,” Charlie says, reminding both of them of her presence. “Now if you don’t mind I’m going to shower,” 

Charlie sashays away, but neither of them break their shared gaze. 

“C’mon,” Neil says, finally turning away. “If you’re so dead set on coming then we should improve your form. You still can’t block for shit,” 

Andrew shrugs. “A good defense is a good offense,” 

Neil laughs at that. “Spoken like the laziest goalie in exy,” 

Andrew refuses to smile at that but follows Neil out to the mats that he laid out to fight Charlie. They spar for a while, Neil fighting offensively hard in order to force Andrew into blocking more. It works but Andrew’s annoyed by it, he starts pushing back. The fight doesn’t last as long as Charlie and Neil’s did, but it still lasts longer then their sparring normally does. But it’s not long until Neil has him on his back. His knees are on either side of Andrew, and his elbows rest between his head, not touching him. Andrew, not ready to concede yet, pushes his face up to Neil, his mouth a breath away from Neil’s. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks. 

“Yes,” Neil whispers and surges down. Andrew kisses Neil, a part of him is tempted to get lost in it, but instead he flips Neil quickly, getting him so that he’s leaning over the blue eyed boy with Neil staring up at him. 

“I win,” Andrew floats. Neil roles his eyed but smiles up at him. Neil serges back up to kiss him more but Andrew gets off of his elbows. “We shouldn’t do this,”

“Why not?” Neil asks. 

“Not after you’ve come from a couple nights with him. Not after he’s touched you,” Andrew says, not wanting to cross any lines or confuse Neil. 

“He didn’t,” Neil says looking away. “He didn’t this time. We shared a bed and I held him. That’s all that happened. I think he was too deep in morning or something. But we didn’t,” 

Andrew reaches down and grabs Neil’s chin pulling him to look at Andrew until all Andrew can see is blue. Neil looks at him. Not cloudy eyed, but sure. 

Andrew leans down and kisses him lightly, once, twice, and a third time before pulling away and getting up.“We don’t have time anyway. Your interview is premiering tonight,” 

Neil sighs, but takes the hand Andrew offers him and gets up. They walk together to the shower then, when they are all cleaned up Andrew drives the back to the dorm. 

The girls insist on everyone piling into their room to watch the interview. 

Andrew doesn’t pay attention, he’s already most of it anyway. He sees enough to know it’s going to piss off a lot of Ravens. 

For most of the night he watches Neil’s reactions, watches Neil be comfortable in his own skin. It’s dangerous, what he’s feeling. He knows this and yet it’s there. When he looks away he catches Jean’s eyes, who nods at him, but doesn’t seem nearly as distrustful as he normally does. 

It’s a quiet evening pouring into a quite night. Andrew knows better then to be comfortable in it, but somehow when the shit hits the fan, he’s still surprised by it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really starting to set everything up for the end. It’s weird thinking how close to wrapping it up we are. I mean it’s still going to be another ten chapters maybe. But still. Wild. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! And feel free to start making predictions for how it’s goung to end. It’ll be interesting to compare what you guys are think to how I’m planning.   
> Let me know!


	29. Chapter 29

Neil wakes to the sound of car alarms blasting outside his window. He opens his eyes to find the room covered in early morning light and Jean already pulling on a pair of sweatpants. 

Neil stuck on a sweater, while Jean jostled Kevin awake. They all made their way downstairs, only to be joined by Andrew and his crew a minute later. They stare out at the cars together, all of them looking in a mix of shock and horror. Most of the cars in the parking lot are smashed up, windows bashed, glass shattered everywhere. 

“Oh my fucking god,” Allison lets out, Neil turns to see her, Matt, Dan and Renee all looking out at the parking lot mouths gaping. 

Andrew’s already half jogging to see what the damage to his car is, his brother and cousin following him. The upperclassmen are still frozen in shock until Neil starts forward.

Neil leads them to where the beautiful, expensive car Ichirou gifted him is smashed entirely. Across the hood, spray painted in surprisingly neat Japanese is written ‘my brothers whore’

“He didn’t,” Kevin gasps out in shocked Japanese. “He wouldn’t dare,” 

“Apparently he did,” Neil tells him in English. 

“What does it say?” Andrew asks, suddenly appearing behind Neil. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Neil tells them all then ignores the annoyed hiss Andrew lets out. Neil can’t help but run his hip, where the black lines he’d gotten over break still lay. Andrew watches his movements carefully, and Neil forces himself to stop “Kevin, go get the keys, we need to get this out of here,” 

“This is a crime scene,” Dan says. Kevin goes anyway, jogging through the crowd of athletes that have started to gather. “You can’t take away evidence like that,” 

“I can’t take the chance of someone seeing this, of someone being able to read Japanese. It could destroy everything,” Neil tells her. 

“Better hurry,” Andrew says. “They are already calling the cops,” 

Neil looks around to see that Andrew’s right. He sighs. Kevin better hurry. 

“None of this would have happened if you had just kept your goddamn mouth shut,” Aaron hisses at him. “Evens Seth’s death could’ve been prevented if you had just stayed in the nest where you belonged,” 

Suddenly Allison’s moving, fast hand outstretched. Just before it makes contact with Aaron’s face, Neil pulls her away. “Allison, no,” Neil tells her. 

“He needs to shut the fuck up,” Allison bites out. Aaron blanches at the sheer viciousness in her voice “Never let me heat his name in your mouth again,” 

“Careful,” Andrew breaks in. “I don’t handle threats well,” 

“Enough,” Neil says “I kept her in check, you keep your brother in check as well,” 

“Keys,” Kevin says, slightly out of breath, distracting them all. Neil grabs them from him, luckily the car starts when Neil turns the key. 

“Stay here, cover for me,” Neil orders. Jean and Kevin nod, but Andrew follows along. Neil doesn’t fight it when Andrew slips carefully into the passengers seat, carefully brushing glass out of the way. Neil manages to peel out of the parking lot just as the sounds of sirens reach them 

“What does it say?” Andrew asks again. 

“My brothers whore,” Neil tells him. Andrew’s face turns downward, showing a hint of emotion. “How badly was your car destroyed?” 

“Beyond repair,” Andrew tells him. Neil nods. 

“If you could have any car what would it be?” Neil asks him. 

“A masserati,” Andrew tells him, without hesitation. 

“Look up where the nearest dealership is,” Neil orders. 

“What?” Andrew says, actually looking thrown off for once.

“It’s on Stewart,” Neil explains. “As back pay, for the mission in London. And as an advance, for the work you’re going to help me do. The least we can do,” 

Andrew huffs but doesn’t fight it, instead pulling up google to search local dealerships. 

It takes an hour and a half to get to the dealership and another hour and a half of savage negotiations to get the car, and a painful fifteen minutes when they just get judged for pulling up in the current mess that is Neil’s car. But eventually Andrew is staring lovingly at a new black car. 

“Follow me,” Neil says and then peels away with Andrew driving in his shiny new car behind him. 

Neil takes them almost three hours away from all civilization, until they are driving up a dirt road to a mostly empty field nestled into thick woods. The only structure is a run down looking cabin. Neil waves Andrew to pulling into the small drive way while Neil pulls his ruined car into the middle of the field. 

“Good spot to get rid of bodies,” Andrew compliments. 

“It’s one of my father’s safe houses. So you’re probably not far off,” Neil tells Andrew then heads into the cabin. He finds the lighter fluid easily, his father’s behavior familiar to him by this point. Andrew trails him, looking around the cabin, looking in the mostly empty drawers. 

“We need to destroy the car,” Neil tells the blond boy.

“Food first. This pasta is still good,” Andrew says, reaching into the cupboard. “Is the water okay here?” 

“No, but I have a couple of bottles in the car,” Neil tells him. Andrew nods and they head outside. Neil’s surprised that the light has turned golden, they’d been driving all day and the midwinter sun was calling it quits for the day. No wonder why they were both getting hungry. 

Neil watches Andrew walk inside with his bottles of water, when the phone his cousin gave him starts ringing. He follows Andrew inside before pulling out the phone and answering. 

“Care to explain to me why I was just informed that you spent almost two hundred thousand dollars at a Maserati dealership?” His uncle greets. Neil smiles. 

“Hi, how are you?” Neil replies. 

“Nate,” Stewart growls. 

“Riko’s being a prat. Andrew needed a new car, and we still owe him for London. And for the work ahead,” he explains. Andrew smirks. 

“You couldn’t get him a Camry?” Stewart asks. 

“He’s got expensive tastes,” Neil informs his uncle. Andrew snorts at that. “And we owed him,” 

“Fine. Just warn me next time,” Stewart demands. 

“I will” Neil tells him. 

“Need me to handle Riko?” Stewart offers. 

“No, thank you, but I’m handling it,” Neil declines. 

“Well, the offer stands for whenever. And call me next time,” 

“I will,” Neil says then hangs up. He looks up as Andrew’s pouring the spaghetti into boiling water. 

“Your uncle being annoying?” Andrew asks. 

“No more then normal,” Neil says. Andrew nods. They don’t have a spatula so Andrew shakes the pot with his brows furrowed. 

“On the way back, we are getting real food,” Andrew informs him. Neil just nods and pulls himself up onto the counter, biting his lip and watching Andrew. Andrew watches him right back, and Neil feels hot with it. Suddenly Andrews moving his way to stand in between Neil’s legs. “Yes or no?” 

Neil smiles, leaning forward. “Yes,” he whispers. Andrew’s lips are on him, and it’s just as good as it always is, but there’s something in the knowledge that it’s just them in a cabin without anyone for miles that Neil feels something lighting up inside him. The kiss gets heavy fast, Neil’s close to panting with it. Andrew seems just as cool with it as he always is, until Neil’s thigh brushes a bulge in Andrew’s pants. 

“Can I touch you?” Neil asks breaking away. Andrew pulls Neil’s hands from where he’s gripping the counter and puts them in his hair. 

“Shoulders and above,” Andrew tells Neil who nods, before leaving back in. It gets heavy again quickly, heavy with tongue and touching and breathing. Andrew’s hand moves down slowly, teasingly before it hovers above the bulge in the sweat pants Neil went to sleep in last night. 

“yes or no?” Andrew asks again. Neil opens his mouth to say yes, but before he can get it out, a hissing sounds from the ancient stovetop. 

“Shit,” Andrew says before pulling away to pull the pot off the burner. Neil sighs and feels the cold that seeps in with Andrews absence. 

“Stop pouting,” Andrew says, not even looking at Neil, as he tries to figure out how to drain the pasta without a strainer. He ends up doing a shitty job and they end up eating the still watery pasta out of the pot, taking turns with the one fork they manage to find in the cabin. 

“Here,” Andrew offers Neil a bite, feeding him a bite. It feels weird y intimate, warming Neil through as he leans in and takes the bite. 

Once the finish they dump the pasta in the woods, then Neil breaks into the lighter fluid and soaks his car with it. It’s dark out, they use the flash lights on their dying phones to see. 

“You got a light?” Neil asks. Andrew hands him a cheap zippo, Neil nods in thanks before he leans down and lights the trail that leads to the car. It’s lights quickly, quicker then you’d think for something made mostly out of metal. 

“Hey,” Neil says to Andrew, walking into his space, slow enough for Andrew to say no at anytime. Neil leans back against Andrews new car, Andrew watches and pulls back into his space in between Neil’s legs. “Yes or no?” 

“Yes,” Andrew answers and leans back in. And suddenly, the car isn’t the only thing on fire, Neil’s burning under Andrew’s hands and mouth it doesn’t take long for Neil to be panting, being taken apart by Andrews hands trailing his upper body, inching slowly lower and lower. Neil’s got one hand on Andrew’s shoulders and another in Andrew hands, and he trails his mouth down his neck to end up at His throat. Andrew shudders with it, and like it’s revenge, Andrew finally drops his hand to the bulge in Neil’s pants. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” Neil pants into Andrew neck. Andrew’s hand traces where Neil lays heavy and hard. He pulls Andrew’s mouth back to his, then gasps into him as Andrew reaches into Neil’s sweatpants and under his underwear to grab his cock, his grip firm. 

“Fuck,” Neil whimpers into Andrew’s mouth. Andrew’s hand starts moving. Neil pulls back to look at him through hooded eyelids, and his so beautiful, his blonde hair glowing orange with the fire, his eyes more green then brown right now burning into Neil, his lips swollen and kiss bitten. Neil’s never had this, never had so much attention on him, never been in a sexual situation where the end game was his pleasure, not someone else’s, and he feels like he’s melting with it. 

“Andrew,” Neil can’t hold back, and Andrew curls the fingers of his free hand into the color of Neil’s shirt and yanks him forward, pressing back into his mouth. He rubs his thumb against the head of Neil cock and Neil’s almost there. 

“Fuck, Andrew I’m-“ Neil lets out before Andrew repeats the motion with his thumb and Neil cums, gasping into Andrew’s mouth and Andrew strokes him through it until It’s too much. He leans his forehead into Andrew’s, catching his breath and Andrew allows it for a minute. Neil thinks about the situation for a second, in the dark with the light of his still burning car behind him. 

Neil laughs to himself, a smirk painted on his face. 

“What?” Andrew asks. 

“What a way to christen the new car,” Neil says. 

“I fucking hate you,” Andrew says before pulling away. 

“Want any help?” Neil offers, pointing a chin to where Andrew’s pants tent. But Andrew shakes his head and wanders inside. Neil lets him go with no complaints and uses the time to take off his soiled boxers and wipe himself down before he throws the destroyed underwear into the dwindling fire. 

Neil is watching as the flames turn to embers as Andrew returns. 

“C’mon,” the blond boy says, somehow looking fresh faced and put together. “You still owe me real food,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was out for like 3 days but I’m back stronger then ever! Did you like the porn lmk!


	30. Chapter 30

Andrew’s breath comes in quick bursts. He’s covered in blood and he can feel a wicked smile curling on his face. When he looks over to Neil, he can see a similar smile spreading over Neil’s face, the three on his cheek wrinkles wth it. The smile speaks of savagery, of victory, of facing over dozen of the biggest crime families’ men in the mid-west, with just Andrew at his back and surviving. The smile is an ugly thing, but Andrew can’t hate it because of what it represents. 

“C’mon, we’ve got clean up to do,” Neil tells him, only slightly out of breath. Andrew’s impressed by that. He’s learned in the past couple of weeks that slaughter is exhausting work. 

Andrew nods and starts cleaning up any traces that they were there. It’s been a couple weeks and a third of Neil’s problem list out of the way, so Andrew’s pretty familiar with the routine by now. They research the family or organization that they are targeting, they find out a way that they can saverly hobble the organization without leaving a trace, sometimes it’s as simple as turning in a file to the FBI, or letting loose a potent computer virus on their system, sometimes it’s nights like tonight, where they go in swinging on a sect of the organization. Tonight they took out the oldest son and heir of the Demarco’s, an Italian family based out of Chicago that ran the Midwest for the Moriyamas. 

Cleaning up is never a glamorous job, half the time on nights like this they walk away more messy then they came, and tonight’s no different. 

“Hey,” Neil says, hours into their cleanup. “You did good tonight. Your fightings getting better,” 

Andrew nods in acknowledgement, but doesn’t say anything. He pretends Neil’s words mean nothing as they finish up at the apartment building before heading out. 

“You took care of the cameras?” Neil asks 

“Stop it,” Andrew orders. 

“Stop what?” Neil asks. 

“Stop being so anxious. We did everything right,” Andrew tells him as he slides into the drivers seat of the shitty Honda Civic Neil made them get to be inconspicuous. 

“I know,” Neil says. “It’s just-“ 

“Stop,” Andrew interrupts before he can start up again. Andrew starts the car. It’s a long ride until they get to New York to where the foxes are playing Birminghamton tomorrow. The plan is to meet them at the court from where they are driving up. 

“Andrew-“ Neil starts again. 

“Neil,” Andrew says. He keeps his tone gentle, trying to take out the sting, trying to make sure Neil knows that it’s a suggestion, not an order “Quiet. For the next couple of hours, I demand quiet,” 

Neil sits back in his seat and pouts. Andrew stetches out his hand and opens his palm, as a peace offering. Neil looks a It for a second, confused for a second, before he suddenly understands and places his hand in Andrew’s. Andrew interlocks their fingers and Neil’s smile is real and quinine and so different from the smile that was painted on his face earlier when he was covered in blood that Andrew pretends that his heart isn’t lighting up with it. 

Andrew drives on in the darkness, his hand, and heart wrapped in warmth. 

After a couple of hours he pulls into the nicest looking motel he can find before waking up Neil. 

“C’mon, I need sleep,” Andrew tells him then promptly ignores the pull in his gut as he looks at a sleepy Neil with messy hair and a soft smile. 

After a slightly awkward exchange they manage to get a room with two queens. Andrew’s head has just hit the pillow when Neil’s phone starts ringing. 

“Tell Ichirou to fuck off for once,” Andrew growls. 

“It’s my uncle. And I can’t,” Neil says getting up and reaching for his phone. 

“Stewart,” Neil says as he answers. Neil looks bored and sleepy at first, but suddenly at something Stewart says, he’s awake, jumping out of the bed. 

“Are you sure?” Neil asks. He starts pacing as he’s listening. “I thought we had more time,” 

Neil walks to the window and rests his head against the glass pane. 

“No, the plan is still the same,” Neil tells Stewart. “It’ll be fine. Just be ready,” 

Neil sighs before moving his head from the window. “Enough,” his tone is the harshest Andrew’s ever heard. “The plan stays the same. I’ve given up to fucking much to chance this now. Be fucking ready for it,” 

Neil slams his phone shut before his phone then plops his forehead back onto the glass. Andrew looks at his back in the dim lighting of the room. His figure is concealed by the baggy sweatpants and sweatshirt he went to sleep in, but Andrew would be able to tell him from anyone with his auburn hair growing even in the slight light. He looks a little broken with whatever news his uncle delivered. But then he turns around with a slight smile. Andrew’s not sure what to do with it. 

“Did I fell you how proud of you I am,” Neil says. Andrew’s confusion must show on his face. “For the Texas game. For the whole season really,” 

“We made a deal,” Andrew says simply. Because that’s really how it breaks down. 

“I know. But still,” Neil shrugs. “I haven’t been keeping up with my end of deal” 

“What did your uncle say?” Andrew asks. 

Neil laughs, and it’s a hollow sound. “This is another one of those things that I’m just going to have to tell you about later,” 

“Neil,” his voice comes out harsh. 

“Somethings coming. In the next couple of weeks,” Neil sighs and rests the back of his head against the window. “I can’t tell you about it. Not yet. After it passes I can give you all the details. But not yet,” 

“We made a deal,” Andrew says. “I play and you tell the truth,” 

Andrew gets up and walks towards Neil, slowly. Neil tracks him, his head tipped back and eyes hooded, haloed by the street lights outside. It’s so hot that Andrew feels on fire with it, feeling tracked and watched. He wants to swallow Neil whole. 

“I know. And I’ll tell you the truth, just not yet,” Neil defends. Andrew reaches the point where he’s standing in front of Neil. 

“You’ll warn me, before it starts. You’ll warn me,” Andrew’s tone brokers no argument. Neil nods in agreement. Andrew reaches up, but before he touches Neil’s high cheek bone he half whispers “yes or no?” 

“Yes,” Neil says leaning into Andrew. Their lips meet and it’s as good as it always is, Andrew gets lost in it, trapping Neil back against the glass, pressing their bodies close. Neil’s easy for it, his body slack, giving way to Andrew and it’s not long until he’s grinding against Andrew’s thigh. 

“Fuck,” Neil says. “It’s so good with you, it’s always so fucking good,” 

His voice is in awe and he’s almost shaking with it and Andrew’s never felt anything close to what he’s feeling and he craves it and hates it in equal measure. Hes so full of this feeling he can’t name, so full of the feeling of Neil pressed tight against him. 

“I want to blow you. Yes or no?” Andrew asks. He wants to do Neil, give him what he can. 

“No ones ever,” Neil starts then shakes his head. “Are you-”

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks, swallowing the slight rage he has for Ichirou in that moment. 

“Yes, with you it’s always yes,” Neil tells him. 

“It’s yes until it’s no,” Andrew says then falls to his knees. He’s always loved doing this, always loved the awestruck look on men’s faces as he controls their world for a couple of minutes. It’s better with Neil, like everything is, the way he looks down at Andrew on his knees with wide eyes and a slightly heaving chest. 

Andrew stares at Neil as he slides his thumbs into the waist band of Neil’s sweatpants, pulling down his boxers with them. Neil’s breathing is loud and his eyes are somehow bright despite the dim lighting. Andrew looks down, and fuck Neil, because his cock is just as pretty as the rest of him, hanging hard and heavy. Andrew’s moves closer to him, a breath away from Neil dick when he sees a flash of black on Neil’s hip. 

Andrew yanks away, entirely focused on the Japanese character inked into Neil’s hip. Neil, realizing what Andrew’s staring at and yanks his pants back up, pulling off to the side away from Andrew. 

“What the fuck is that?” Andrew asks, more out of breath then he wants to be. 

“Nothing. It’s nothing,” Neil tries to tell him, sinking into himself and away from Andrew. 

“The truth, Neil,” Andrew tries to take the harshness out of his voice, but the rage for Ichirou is brewing strong and he can’t keep it out of his voice. “What is that?” 

“A tattoo. Ichirou gave it to me over break,” Neil says, leaning against the wall and not looking at Andrew. Andrew’s close to punching a wall. He sees the permanent mark on Neil’s body, perfectly replicated in his perfect memory. It’s his fault. Neil did it so that Andrew could be sober. Fuck. 

“What does it say?” Andrew demands. 

“It’s a term of endearment. It means dear or-“ Neil cuts himself off glancing at Andrew before hastily looking away again. 

“Or what?” 

“It’s closest translation is pet,” Neil says. 

Andrew nods even though Neil can’t see it because he refuses to look at him. The silence is heavy for a while before Neil dares to look at him. Thats when Andrew’s has enough. 

“Go to sleep,” he orders. Neil flinches and Andre hates himself. Hates making Neil flinch away from him, hates the look in Neil’s eyes like he had right after he got back from winter break. “Fuck. I mean. Just try to get some sleep. We have a game tomorrow,” 

Neil finally gets up and back into his bed. Andrew gets into his. Neither of them get that much sleep, two boys in two separate beds, hating the universe for things that they can’t change. Hating themselves for things that they can’t help but feel. 

It’s a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuffs coming soon


	31. Chapter 31

“Guys, I think we might have, like, an actual shot here,” Nicky says with honest to God wonder in his voice. 

“Only if you keep on with these awe inspiring speeches,” Aaron says, still slightly out of breath. It’s half time, all of the foxes look at each other in the guest locker room, exhausted but surprisingly confident. Neil doesn’t trust it to last. He carries himself to where Andrew’s watching them all, the only one who’s not even a little sweaty. He’s going into the game in the second half. They haven’t spoken more then a dozen words to each other all that morning and afternoon on their way to the game. 

“Our deal still on?” Neil asks. He doesn’t want to be asking, and he regrets it immediately when he sees anger flash on Andrews face. It’s gone almost as quick as it there, but it still makes something in Neil sink. 

“Have I given you any indication that it wouldn’t be?” Andrew questions. He did, last night when he didn’t want to touch Neil because he was marked by another man. He doesn’t blame Andrew for not wanting him anymore. He gets it, after all Andrew’s been through, he deserves someone uncomplicated, someone who’s a clean slate. Neil hasn’t been clean in a very long time. 

But Andrew’s looking at him like he’s an idiot, so Neil shakes his head. 

“No,” Neil says, looking away. Andrew nods as if to say, well there’s your answer. 

Neil nods and walks over to where Kevin and Jean sit. Jean gives him a curious look, but Neil just shakes his head and looks ahead at Dan who is giving a decent half time speech. 

“What’s wrong?” Jean asks in French. He can feel Kevin’s attention on him as well. 

“Nothing, im Fine,” Neil tells them. Jean sighs, but Neil refuses to tell them about last night. He hadn’t told them about his thing with Andrew, why would he tell them it’s over. 

“Neil, I need you focused on the game,” Kevin demands in French. “We can’t have you distracted,” 

“I’m fine, Kevin,” Neil says louder then he intended. 

“This is a make or break game,” Kevin tells him, matching his volume. At this point all of the foxes are looking at them, Dan’s speech halted mid sentence. “If you don’t pull it together we have no shot,” 

“Kevin,” Jean’s voice is a soft warning ignored. 

“Fuck you,” Neil says, in English. He’s pissed. He stands up. “I want to win just as fucking badly as you do, so just shut the fuck up kevin,” 

“Really?” Kevin dares to ask, standing up and towering over Neil. He sticks to French, but the fact that they are fighting is obvious to anyone with ears. “Because you aren’t playing like you want to win,” 

“When have I ever once failed you Kevin? When have a ever let you down?” Neil sticks to English, not giving a shit if everyone hears. He has enough secrets already. 

Kevin says nothing, only glares at Neil. He holds up his scarred right hand, and Neil feels his breath leave him in a sudden breathless gulp. He hears Nicky gasp and the rest of the foxes look away at the implication of Kevin’s still battered hand. He looks away from it, can’t stand the site of it. Him and Kevin never talked about it, talked about the night Riko heard about his brewing plans of leaving the nest, and took his rage out on Kevin. They never talked about the one time Neil wasn’t quick enough. 

“Enough,” Jean’s voice rings out in the heavy silence. “Neil has given everything for us to be free, so for once in your life show a little gratitude,” 

“Stop,” Neil tells Jean. “Just stop. I failed and Kevin’s suffered because of it. I’m doing my best to make that right. But right now we have a game to win,” 

Kevin says nothing, only looks at Neil with sad eyes. The angers bled out of him, he just seems uncomfortable. They walk out of the tunnel back to the court, a shattered team. And they play like it too. They still win, but barely, and only because Andrew shuts down the goal. 

They walk into the locker room, any previous joy from half time gone. The girls go into their side, Wymack lingers behind to talk to Abby. Neil trails behind the boys as they walk in, looking behind him out of default. When he sees two familiar faces his breath catches. Aaron, walking in front of him, gives him a look, but Neil just waves him forward. 

“Little Nate, all grown up,” Lola says. Neil doesn’t bother to ask how she got in, she is, after all, the one who taught him the art of breaking in. “Looking good number three. Now if you wouldn’t mind coming with us, we have some business to discuss,” 

“Of course,” Neil tells her, voice much calmer then he feels. “First let me make my goodbyes. Wouldn’t want to raise any suspicion,” 

“You have five minutes,” Lola allows. “Any longer, and we go in and get you. Without leaving any witnesses,” 

Neil nods and makes himself walk into the locker room. The boys are sitting, looking like they are waiting for him before they head into the shower. 

“I have to go,” Neil tells him. All of them look confused. “There’s something I need to do” 

“Ichirou?” Jean asks. 

“Something else,” Neil tells him. He looks at Kevin. “I’m going to make it right,” 

“Neil,” Kevin says, voice dripping with remorse. And Neil hates it, hates that Kevin is feeling like this. “It’s not your fault,” 

“Still. I have to go,” Neil says, changing out of his pads and uniform. 

“Let me shower first,” Andrew demands. And Neil refuses to show just how choked up Andrew’s assumption makes him. 

“I need to do this alone,” Neil tells him. He’s changing in front of them for the first time since summer. They all watch, not sure what do to with his sudden nakedness. He doesn’t have a choice, he’s on a time crunch. 

“Could you just stop?” Andrew demands. He’s pissed but he still avoids direct commands. Neil’s glad for it, he doesn’t think he could handle them coming from Andrew right now. So, Neil doesn’t stop, only continues to throw on the change of clothes he brought. “Whatever stupid things you’ve decided in your idiot brain, you should just stop. I’m coming with you. I don’t care what happened last night, I’m not letting you go alone,” 

“You have to. I have to do this on my own.” Neil tells him. He walks over to where Andrew is standing, and Andrew lets him into his space. His voice is low, only for the blond boy in front of him. “But it meant everything to me. I know I’m nothing, I know it might not have meant anything to you. But it meant everything to me. Thank you, you were amazing. All of it. You were amazing,” 

Andrew looks floored by the confession, as does everyone in the locker room. When Andrew starts to open his mouth, Neil ducks away out of the locker room where Lola and a random thug of his father’s is waiting. 

“Just in time,” Lola says. “You ready kid?” 

“Yeah. I’m ready,” Neil lies. 

———————————————————

Andrew feels nothing on the walk to the bus. He doesn’t feel the pushing of the screaming crowd, he doesn’t feel the weight of his teammates panic as they make their way through the mob, he doesn’t even feel the elbow that smashes into his face right about his eye. 

If Neil is nothing, then all Andrew can feel is nothing. The absence of nothing is choking him. 

“Where’s Neil?” Wymack asks. All of the boys look at each other, not sure where to start. 

“He left,” Andrew says for them. 

“Goddamn it. He needs to tell me when he’s running off,” coach swears. 

“It wasn’t-” Kevin sigh and looks away. “Something’s wrong,” 

“What do you mean?” Dan asks perplexed. 

“Yeah, Kevin, what do you mean?” Andrew taunts, curious himself. 

“I don’t know, Andrew,” Kevin shoots back, brave for someone left without his protector. “You tell us, what the fuck happened last night?” 

A growl comes out of Andrew before he fully realizes it. He crowds himself into Kevin’s space, seething. Kevin shrinks away, realizing his mistake, but it’s too late, Andrew’s hands are already around Kevin’s throat. 

“Shut the fuck up Kevin. What aren’t you telling me?” Andrew demands, his hands tightening until Kevin’s red and gasping. 

Kevin opens his mouth but nothing comes out. 

“Allison, Dont,” Renee says from somewhere behind him. When Andrew feels someone yank him back forcing him to drop Kevin’s neck, he’s not surprised to turn around and find Allison there, staring up. 

“Don’t touch him,” she demands. Andrew lashes out, punching out to break Allison’s too perfect nose. But Allison’s fast, ducking away in a move that’s so reminiscent of Neil that Andrew aches with remembrance. Andrew strikes out again, aiming for her stomach this time, but once again Allison pulls a move that only Neil could’ve taught her to block the punch. 

“Stop,” Kevin gasps out, voice weak and scratchy. “We don’t have time for this,” 

Andrew ignores him, trying to get to Allison, to find a way to let the rage invading him out. Allison never gives him a chance, ducking and dodging all but one of Andrew’s attacks. He lands a glancing blow on her upper thigh and she cries out once, but doesn’t let it bring her down. She’s good, but she would be with Neil as her teacher. 

“Enough,” Jean demands in a voice loud enough to catch even Andrew’s attention. “I’m calling Stewart, I need silence,” 

“Put it on speaker phone,” Kevin demands. Jean glares but obeys. 

“Hello?” A British voice rings out of jeans phone after a couple of rings. 

“Neil’s gone. Something’s wrong,” Jean says simply. 

“Fuck, that was fast,” Stewart replies. 

“He was expecting this?” Kevin asks. 

Stewart sighs. “Nate always did love his secrets. I would’ve thought that he’d have told you boys at least,” 

“Told us what?” Kevin demands. 

“Look, Kid. If you want us to get him out, then I’ve got to go handle this situation,” Stewart deflects 

“Get him out of where?” Jean asks through gritted teeth. 

“His father has him,” Stewart finally comes out with it. Kevin and Jean both gasp. 

“His father’s in jail,” Kevin says, utterly confused. 

“He got out two days ago,” Stewart tells him. “Neil knew it was coming. He set everything in motion,” 

“Why would he do that?” Jeans asks, looking shaken. 

“It’s part of his deal with Ichirou. You boys stay safe and he gets to kill his father. And in return he’s whatever Ichirou needs him to be. And we all know how that turned out,” 

“He did what?” Kevin half screeches. 

“Look, I really don’t have time for this,” Stewart tells them. “Get to a safe place, I have to get Neil,” 

Stewart hangs up, and everyone watches Jean and Kevin as they look at each other, gobsmacked. 

“You have some explaining to do,” Andrew tells them, and they both turn to look at him, both of them looking sick. 

“We need to go,” Wymack says. 

“Then drive,” Andrew tells him. 

“You, talk,” Andrew demands Kevin and Jean. Kevin looks over to Allison, who just shakes her head. 

“I won’t protect you from this,” she tells Kevin. “Now talk,” 

Kevin looks at Jean who nods then finally opens his mouth. 

“I met Neil when he was ten. Me and Riko were thirteen. We played exy together. And he was amazing, even back then. After we watched as his father tourtured a man to death in front of us. Neil sat there stone faced the whole time, never flinching even as the man screamed, even as we were splattered in blood, even after Riko threw up, Neil gave nothing away. He was used to it, he had grown up in a house where that was normal.” 

Everyone’s rapt in Kevin’s story, all of them queezy with it. 

“His father is called the Butcher of Baltimore,” Kevin tells them. 

The silence after the announcement is ringing. It carries them all through the rest of Kevin’s explanation, heavy and choking. 

“Is he going to make it through this?” Nicky dares to ask Kevin when it’s over. 

“I don’t know,” Kevin tells him. “I just don’t know,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hope everyone had a good Easter! I took a second break from writing, so thanks for your patience in waiting for the update! I hope you guys enjoyed, Let me know what you thought!!!!


	32. Chapter 32

From the second he steps into Lola’s car, all Neil knows is pain. It radiates through him, on his chest and arms, until breathing itself hurts. She’s cursing him, but he’s long used to tuning her rants out. 

“Leave the face,” the driver reminds her. She bares her teeth at him, but obeys, even as she caresses his face in obvious longing. 

Neil sits besides her, enduring the withering pain. And he waits. 

————————————————————

Andrew’s besides himself in the hotel room, itching for a cigarette. He reaches for one, but then withdrawals his hand when Charlie glares at him. 

“It’s a no smoking room,” she tells him for the fifth time that night. 

“Why are you here again?” Andrew asks her. Charlie continues glaring. It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation either. Stewart ordered her to be there, to watch over the foxes as he and his team went and got Neil. It’s clear that she’s not thrilled about the order. 

Andrew’s seen her fight, and isn’t pleased himself when he heard that she was staying behind. She could’ve been useful. 

Kevin stands suddenly, starting to pace. Andrew and the rest of the foxes crammed into a nearby hotel room all watch. 

Andrew lies down, ignores his heavy heart. And he waits. 

————————————————————

Neil wonders if he should be less terrified of his father’s smile at this point. He’s seen it so much growing up, he even sees it in the mirror on his own face. And yet, he’s sitting tied to a chair with his face towering over him, and he’s scared out of his mind. 

He knows fear. You don’t grow up under the care of the butcher of Baltimore and friends and not understand what it’s like to feel the very real fear of death on a daily basis. 

So he returns his father’s smile. 

And his world is just pain, pain, pain. 

And he waits.

————————————————————

“Fuck, since when?” Charlie asks into the receiver. She’s on the phone with Stewart and the word makes all of the foxes tense. It’s been five hours since Neil’s left. They’ve all traveled to Baltimore in their bus, a tense ride where no one talked. 

“I know,” Charlie says, sounding pissed. “I’ll take care of it,” 

Kevin starts pacing, reminding Andrew of the missing presence in the room. 

“You know what, why don’t you just worry about what you have going on and trust me to take care of things here,” Charlie snaps before hanging up and throwing the phone onto the bed. 

He hates himself. He hates how he’s let Neil under his skin, he hates that this is the second time he’s had to wait in vigil to see the blue eyed demon. 

This is so much worse then how he waited for Neil over Christmas break. At least then he knew Neil was going to come home. 

“Ichirou’s on his way,” Charlie tells them, looking frazzled. “Please, do not say anything dumb to him. Do not make it harder for me to protect you. If any of you die, Neil’s going to be pissed,” 

“What about Neil?” Jean asks, quiet and shaken. 

“We have an opening, they are preparing to go in,” Charlie tells them. 

“Why has it taken so long?” Allison asks. 

“Finding him wasn’t easy. We didn’t know where they would take Neil, and we needed to wait until Nathan got there, or this was all for nothing,” Charlie explains. “But right now, my focus is making sure that you idiots don’t run your mouth and get yourself killed,” 

“We aren’t Neil,” Aaron scathingly points out. “We know when to keep our mouths shut.” 

“Is he better than you in a fight?” Andrew asks. 

“Yes,” Charlie tells him looking sour. 

“Is he better then Neil?” Kevin asks. 

“One on one, no one is better then Neil,” Charlie says, half in awe. “But he’s close. It doesn’t matter though. He has four others with him at all times that are close to Neil’s level. Neil has a chance one on one, but Neil can’t fight five people that are almost as good as him,” 

“Then how is Neil-“ Kevin starts. Andrew, who’s closest to him elbows him sharply in the gut. 

“What the fuck did we just say about shutting your mouth?” Andrew asks him, just as sharp as his elbow. 

“He’s not here yet,” Kevin defends, our of breath and clutching his stomach. 

“You still need to keep your mouth shut,” Aaron spits. “I’m not dying because of your stupidity today,” 

The room is quiet after that announcement.  
Andrew stares at the door ready for it to open up at any moment. He’s grown sick to death of waiting. But still. 

He sits and he waits. 

————————————————————

“You know, I’m almost proud of you,” Nathan tells him, leaning into his face. Neil managed to wiggle of of the ropes twenty minutes ago, but he’s still waiting for his uncle’s signal. “You almost had me. You were supposed to be just a good for nothing random exy player, just a pet to the Moriyamas. But you built yourself up to be more. You built yourself up to be me,” 

Nathan does actually look somewhat proud at that. Neil itches to carve that look off his face, but he forces himself to sit still and take it. Forces himself to wait. 

“You almost did it too. And for that, I think I’ll give you an honorable death,” Nathan tells him graciously. He’s acting like it’s the kindest thing that he’s ever done. Knowing his father, it probably is. “A death that a butcher deserves,” 

Nathan paces away, then comes back into view with his cleaver. Lola cackles when she sees it. They are the only ones in the room, everyone else in Nathan’s organization is either dead at Neil’s hand or standing guard outside. It should make it easier on the end. 

Neil feels sick, but still. He waits. 

Nathan brings the tip of the sharp cleaver to his face, and it catches Neil’s flesh right where his tattoo is. Nathan slashes lightly, enough to break through but not enough to scar. Out of the corner of his eye Neil sees a flash of red. His waiting’s over. 

And then he’s in motion. 

————————————————————

Ichirou is a handsome man made ugly by an expression that’s too stern. Andrew would hate him on sight, if he didn’t hate him already. 

He talks to Charlie in Japanese, using Kevin as a translator. Which is bullshit because they all know he can speak English. He hopes Neil brings him when he’s giving him the slow death he deserves. 

Charlie shoots him a look, like she can tell what he’s thinking. 

Kevin is saying something in Japanese, practically quivering in front of Ichirou, when Charlie gets a phone call. Kevin cuts off quickly, and everyone stares as Charlie picks up. 

“Hello,” Charlie greets. She listens for a beat before she gives a full body sigh. “Thank fuck.” 

The room says in relief. Even Ichirou seems to unwind slightly. 

“How long does he need?” Charlie asks. Then nods at whatever she hears. “I’d tell him to take his time, but we have guests,” 

Charlie nods again at whatever answer she gets. 

“Yeah. Okay. We’ll be here,” Charlie says before hanging up. She turns to them. 

“He’s safe. He’s staying there to finish up the job,” she tells them. Kevin and Jean look uncomfortable, seeming to understand what that means. Andrew smiles, a real, blood thirsty smile. Charlie smiles back, both of them understand. “It’ll be a while. This was a long time coming. You all might as well get some sleep,” 

Ichirou nods and leaves without a word. 

And Andrew returns to his vigil. But this time is so much better, this time it’s not waiting to know if Neil’s alive. This time he’s waiting for Neil to come home. 

So once again. He stares at the door at waits. 

————————————————————

Like so many of the other nights Neil’s experienced, it’s long and bloody. 

Lola’s dead. She died screaming and begging for mercy like she deserved, her body is slumped over next to where Neil stands over his father’s body. 

His father opens his mouth, but he can’t speak. One of the first things Neil did was cut out his tongue, tired of hearing his father’s words. 

“This is it,” Neil tells his father, stone faced. Neil refuses to show Nathan his smile on his face. Nathan’s bleeding and crying. “I’ve waited a long time for this. I’m doing this for her, you know,” Neil rolls up his sleeve so that his father can see the remains of the tattoo that Lola tried to burn off. His father blanches at it, looking at him with despondent eyes. And Neil knows he’s done what he’s accomplished what he’s set out to do. He thinks that I was worth it, to see this look on Nathan’s face before he dies. Despite it all, it was worth it. 

Neil leans over, placing one hand on his father’s shoulder and with the other he takes the blade of his lucky pocket knife and sticks into his father’s neck, feeling blood spurt out. His father never looks away as he bleeds out all over Neil. He stares until the life goes out of his eyes. 

Neil feels all at once, peace and exhaustion. 

He staggered away from the body that was once his father. 

He misses Andrew in that moment, something bright against the fullness of peace and exhaustion. 

He waiting is over. And now he just wants to go home. 

————————————————————

“Neils here,” Charlie tells them, coming back into their room. It’s been four more hours of waiting. Despite his exhaustion, Andrew is so awake and alive with the knowledge that Neil’s finally here. “He’s seeing Ichirou, but he said it won’t take long,” Charlie finishes.

“He’s upstairs?” Jean asks like he doesn’t believe it. Dan gets up like she’s about to make her way. 

“Wait here,” Charlie says. “Seriously it’ll only be a minute,” 

Dan sits, looking annoyed but amped. All of the foxes are. It’s been a long couple of hours. 

It’s an anxious five minutes before the door finally opens. Neil’s on the other side of it and he walks in tentatively. He’s in clean clothes, looking freshly showered and somehow, he’s mostly unhurt. Neil hurries to Andrew as soon as he sees him. And Andrew pretends that that doesn’t light something up inside him. 

“I’m sorry,” Neil tells him. Andrew reaches over, grabbing Neil’s face in between is palms. He’s so fucking beautiful. 

“You are so fucking stupid,” Andrew can’t help but tell him. 

And Neil smiles this blindingly real smile. 

And Andrew knows suddenly that his waiting is over. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This was pretty heavy, huh? But you know I had to do it to ya! We are entering the home stretch here, maybe another 4-5 chapters and an epilogue. 
> 
> But i hope you enjoyed! And let me know what you think!!! Thanks for reading!!!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, i started writing this fic 10 months ago, wrote 72k words in a month and dipped, like an asshole, with only 5-7 more chapter left to go. In the mean time I:   
> -graduated college   
> -kept working my full time 9-5 office job  
> -started a publishing company with my best friend   
> -wrote the first draft of a romance novel (which will be coming soon! I’m going to self publish, and if you liked this even a little maybe consider checking it out when I publish it!!)  
> So I’ve been busy. But I wasn’t going to end this year without finishing so here is another chapter. It’s very short but I wanted to get this out of the way so we can get to the heavy stuff soon. I plan on trying to update everyday or ever other day. So I hope you enjoy!!

“I owe you guys the full story,” Neil starts. Andrew watches as he forces himself perfectly still. They are on the bus back to South Carolina, all of them exhausted. Charlie’s car lights are visible in the back windows. She’s been on their asses the whole drive down. Andrew can’t blame her, he’s terrified of losing Neil too. 

“It can wait until we get back,” Wymack says, shaking his head. Andrew watches all of them fight sleep to keep Neil in their line of vision. Even Abby, who’s driving, is spending too much time looking at the kid in the rear view mirror. Neil had been dragged up to Ichirou before they left. The hour where he had been gone felt almost worse than the hours that they had to wait for him after he vanished. 

“You're right,” Neil nods sagely, “less of a chance the locker room is bugged.”

“That’s not-“ Wymack starts, then shakes his head. “You know what, sure, we’ll go with that,” 

Neil nods, and for once, he keeps his mouth shut. 

The rest of the bus starts to drift off, Aaron falling asleep first, Nicky not far behind. 

Soon it’s only Andrew, Wymack, and Jean still awake and keeping watch. 

It’s a long ride. But Neil’s here, and he’s safe and alive to wreck havoc on a new day. 

So, as always, Andrews watches. 

———————————————————

Neil does a third walk through, triple checking that the foyer between the locker rooms is bug free. 

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Jean says in whispered French. 

“I know I’m just,” Neil stops himself and forces himself to walk into the middle of the room where the foxes sit and watch him. Charlie has checked into a hotel, reaching back out to Stewart to fill him in after Neil had filled her in. 

Neil takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. The Foxes are still watching him when he opens them back up. They’ve waited patiently enough. 

“My father was the right hand man of Moriyamas. They called him the butcher,” Neil starts without preamble. They all lean forward. Most of them know the main points, but this is the first real look into Neil’s life that he’s given them. “I should’ve been killed. For the Moriyamas, the only acceptable form of nepotism is the oldest son inheriting. Anything else might lead to cracks, and the Moriyama’s have been around far too long to allow for that. So, as the butcher's heir, I should’ve been killed," he exhales. "I was given to The Master instead. My mom tried to prevent this, running away with me. We were caught. She was killed. Brutally in front of me, as a warning. And I was locked in the Nest. But through that I was given the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten: exy. With exy came a family. Kevin and Riko and eventually, Jean.

“I was to stay out of the main branches business and play, that’s how I was supposed to survive. But it didn’t stay like that. My father’s people still taught me, and I picked up odd jobs for them now and again,” 

Neil stops, taking a deep breath. They all look at him with a mix of pity and understanding, even Kevin and Jean, who know the story as well as they know their own. 

“So when Riko got...well, you know how Riko got. And my father got caught, I saw an opening, and I took it. At 17, I became the new butcher. It’s awful terrible work. I’ve been lucky that this year most of it has been farmed out to the Hatford’s, my mothers family. 

And last summer, after Kevin, after everything, I got the chance to flee. I went to Ichirou who was starting to set up the pieces for his reign, and convinced him that he should let me, Kevin and Jean go. And he agreed, most of you know that.” He takes a deep breath. This is the hard part. 

“And I made a deal with him. That I would get to kill my father, track him down and give him what he deserved for what he did to my mother. And in return I offered him anything he wanted, outside of my career and my brothers. And he asked for me,” 

Neil can’t look at any of them, so ashamed of his choices. His dad is dead. He died as violently and horribly as Neil ever dreamed. But he can’t say he’s worth it, not when he’s too fucked up for Andrew to want anymore. He still hasn’t forgotten how Andrew pushed him away at that motel. His dad deserved to die. But now, Neil's starting to think that he wants to live. And what he’s doing now, slave of Ichirou’s desire, that’s not really living. 

“I hate him,” Allison exclaims, her angry outburst bringing him out of his own head. 

“Who?” Neil asks. 

“Everyone. Everyone who’s ever dared lay a finger on you,” 

“Its not like I didn’t have at least some of that coming,” Neil shrugs. 

“No,” Aaron says. Everyone whips there head over to look at him, every single person shocked. “No” he repeats. “You didn’t deserve it. No kid deserves any of the shit that happened to you. Ever,” 

There’s so much pain in his voice that it’s clear he isn’t just speaking about Neil’s childhood. 

It’s spoken with so vehemently that Neil can’t even disagree. So he nods. He says nothing. 

“I think that’s enough for the night,” Abby says, voice soft and warm. 

Neil nods. They all shuffle out of the locker room, clearly not willing to leave anyone behind. Neil watches as they all head into their separate cars. 

He wonders when they all became a part of his family. When his core two turned into his core nine. 

Most of all he wonders how he’s going to keep them safe. 

———————————————

Andrew watches as the foxes huddle around Neil, piling pillows and blankets as the get ready to sleep on the floor. 

He’s right in the thick of it, refusing to move from Neil’s side. 

Neil watches in soft fascination at the gentle affection that the Foxes give him. 

Andrew knows they aren’t through it yet, they’ll never be while Ichirou is still breathing. 

Neil crashes, leaning into Andrew like he’s afraid he’ll vanish.  

There’s so much left to do. 

So many left to kill. 

And Andrew won’t stop until every person that’s ever laid a finger on Neil is dead. 

That’s the final thought that lulls him to sleep. 

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

“Are you sure?” Allison asks. 

Neil hesitates. He had just offered one of Ichirou’s houses on the coast of the outer banks for them to vacation At for spring break. 

He did it because he felt like he should. But now, as he’s figuring out all the details of how to kill Ichirou, he’s not sure he wants to be in the little lords space. 

“I can get us a cabin,” Allison offers. 

Neil feels himself nodding. “Yeah. The mountains might be nice this time of year,” 

Jean taps his foot against his under the table. He knows how hard accepting help is for Neil. 

“Sounds good,” Allison says, picking up her phone. The rest of the foxes smile as the eat brunch. Even Andrew looks less apathetic at the prospect of a vacation. 

Neil is proud of Kevin for managing to keep his mouth shut about not practicing. 

They finalize the details and pack when they finish eating. 

They are at the cabin drinking by late afternoon. 

Neil finds himself looking out at the mountain scape, smiling. 

“Hey you coming?” Dan asks from inside the house. She has a daiquiri in on hand and Matt’s hand clasped in her other. 

“Yeah,” Neil agrees, walking towards them. “I’m coming,” 

————————————————

“We are so close,” a drunk Nicky says, bouncing with excitement. 

“I mean, we still have to figure out how to beat the Trojans,” Aaron points out. He leans back in his chair. They are all sitting and drinking in the main room in the cabin. 

“Maybe California will finally sink into the ocean. It’s past due,” Nicky says. Kevin let’s out a wounded gasp. “What?” 

“Don’t talk bad about Jeremy Knox’s team,” Kevin demands. Andrew watches Neil snicker and shoot a look at Jean. 

“Still have that crush raging huh?” Neil asks. 

“It’s not a crush,” Kevin defends. 

“Kevin it’s fine if you like him. You practically slept with him,” Neil says. 

“What?” Nicky asks, too excited. Despite himself, Andrew’s curious. 

“It’s not gay if it’s a three way!” Kevin defends. 

Matt, Aaron, Dan all snicker as they watch on. Even Renee’s lips tip up. 

“You has a threesome with Jermey Knox,” Allison asks. Kevin does meet her eyes and clears his throat. “That’s hot,” 

Kevin’s head swivels to look at her. “Yeah?” 

“Nope,” Neil says quickly. “If you want to get the play-by-play you both can do it when you are alone in a bedroom. I know where this is going, and refuse to be a witness,” 

“C’mon,” Allison day, holding her hand out to Kevin. “Before you get too drunk,” 

Kevin takes it, and they make their way out of the room. 

They watch them go in silence. They are all getting used to the concept of Allison and Kevin. But when Andrew glances over at Neil his gaze is mostly content. 

“See, nows when I should start demanding answers about you to,” Dan says, gesturing to the wide space in between him and Neil. 

Neil’s been avoiding him. He hasn’t confronted him about it, nes not sure if it’s because he feels raw after what happened with his dad, or if it’s something to do with Ichirou, but Andrew hasn’t pushed for answers yet. 

“But Allison would kill me if she knew I brought it up without her being here,” Dan finishes, sighing. She stands up. “I think we are just going to bed,” 

She hold her hand out to Matt, and Matt takes it standing up. 

“Night,” he calls back behind his shoulder as he leaves with Dan. 

“Night,” Neil calls. 

“C’mon,” Aaron say, pulling a still drunk Nicky up onto his feet, let’s get you to bed. 

“I miss Erik,” Nicky pouts. But he lets himself be lead up the stairs. 

Renee looks to Jean, both are sober, but they both look exhausted. 

“I geuss I’m crashing with you tonight then,” Renee says to him. Jean nods, going far quicker then then Andrew thought thought the scared frog was comfortable with. 

“But I thought-“ Neil says, standing up confused. 

Jean shakes his head and murmurs something in soft French. Neil furrows his brow tilting his head. He murmurs something back that as Jean considering Andrew then shaking his head and saying something else. 

Andrews almost had enough of their soft French conversation when Jean just shrugs and turns back, letting Renee lead him to the empty bedroom upstairs. 

Neil hesitates and Andrew watches, waiting for his next move. 

When it doesn't come Andrew forces out a breath before speaking. 

“What did Ichirou do to you?” Andrew forces out. “When you got back in Baltimore?” 

Neil hangs his head, finally moving before turning to look at Andrew. His normal mask his gone and he just looks sad and tired. It’s a bad look on him. 

“What Ichirou always does,” Neil shrugs. Then taking a breath “I’m sorry I’m too-“ he cuts himself off. 

“Too what?” Andrew asks. 

“You can have the room,” Neil offers instead of answering the damn question. He sits down on the couch, as far away from Andrew as possible. “I’ll sleep on the couch,” 

“You're too what?” Andrew demands. This doesn’t feel right. Neil’s has plenty of reason to not want Andrew to touch him in the past, but he always had let him anyway. Had _wanted_ Andrew to touch him anyway. If nothing out of the ordinary happened, and it’s not Neil’s father’s death that’s bothering him, he doesn’t understand the distance. 

He waited so long for Neil. Those hours when he disappeared felt like eternity. 

And there’s plenty of reasons, to stay away from the pretty ex raven. There’s always been plenty of reasons. 

But he doesn’t understand why now. 

“You’re too what?” Andrew repeats. 

“I’m too fucked up for this,” Neil says. “You deserve a clean slate. And nothing about me is clean. And it never will be. You deserve someone that isn’t owned by someone else.” 

“Where is this coming from?” Andrew can’t help but ask. 

“Before Baltimore, you saw my Ichirou’s tattoo,” Neil says, hand on his hip where the awful Japanese character sits on his skin permanently. “And you pulled away. I get it I really do,” 

“You can’t own a person,” Andrew starts. Neil has the gull to snort at that. 

“But he does,” Neil says, curling his legs up to hug them. “And even if I win and I’m free, I’m still going to have this tattoo. And all of the other fucked up shit I won’t be able to shake.” 

“I still want you,” Andrew says. And the truth burns coming out. He wants to yell at him, scream how fucking stupid Neil is. But it won’t help. So Andrew chooses the truth, even when it feels like fiery claws coming out of his throat. 

“No you don’t. And that’s okay, really,” Neil says. 

Andrew can’t hold it in anymore. 

“Your such a fucking idiot,” Andrew says, slowly stalking over to him. 

“Yeah,” Neil agrees. He watches Andrew, tracing his movements. 

“Yes or no,” 

“Yes, but only if it’s a yes for you too,” Neil says. 

“Yes,” Andrew says purposely. He holds his hand out and lets Neil take it. 

“You shouldn’t though,” Neil argues even as stands up with Andrews help. 

“Have I ever done anything I didn’t want to do?” Andrew asks. This finally manages to shut Neil up. Andrew doesn’t drop his hand as he leads them to the downstairs bedroom. 

“Yes or no,” he asks, as soon as they are both in the room with the door shut. 

“Yes,” Neil says, finally smiling. 

Andrew leans up, kissing him. 

Neil keeps his hands to himself and Andrew has the obvious realization that he’s never felt this comfortable being this close to anyone. He hates it and loves it in equal measure. 

Andrew pulls away, leading Neil to stand in front of the bed. 

“Yes or no?” He repeats, needing to hear it again, needing to know he’s different then anyone else that’s ever touched Neil. 

“Yes,” Neil says, breathless now. Andrew leans back up to kiss him. He moves his hands to Neil’s hips, pulling down the joggers and compression shorts he wears underneath. 

“Yes or no?” He asks again, hand hovering over where Neil hard and ready for him. 

“Yes,” Neil answers panting now. Andrew drops a kiss on his collar bone before pushing Neil to sit on the bed and dropping to his knees in front of him. 

He wraps his hand around Neil and half lives for the slow and low whine that he lets out. Neil moves his hands so that he’s sitting under them. 

“Shoulders and above,” Andrew allows. Neil nods, shifting and placing his hands in Andrews hair. 

Andrew doesn’t hate it, being touched. Not like this. Not when it’s Neil. 

He strokes up and down, gathering the precum, using it to help smooth the way. Neil’s hand comes to rest on his neck, stretching up to his jaw. The touch is intimate and Andrew finds himself leaning into it. 

He’s never thought that he could have this, something soft. He didn’t think he was made to have anything like this. But now that it’s here, he doesn’t want to let it go. 

He ducks his head down so that he’s hovering over where Neil’s hard. Andrew rests his hand on his base then looks up at him. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks one last time, his lips almost brushing against Neil’s head. 

“Yes,” Neil whispers, breathy and soft. It hits Andrew hard. 

He leans down, taking him into his mouth. 

This is far from the first time Andrews done this. 

But by far the most important. 

Neil’s hand stays cradling his jaw as Andrew bobs his head up and down. He moves his hand where his mouth doesn’t touch, and keeps his eyes on Neil the whole time. 

It does take long before Neil is closing his eyes, panting, and warning him. He pulls away, letting Neil spill on the hardwood floor.  Andrew’s so hard in his pants that he can’t ignore it. He watches as Neil comes down, and realizes what he’s doing. But he keeps his mouth shut, and keeps his eyes on Andrew’s. 

Andrew’s not far behind him, coming in his pants under Neil’s gaze. It’s the hardest he’s come in a long, long time. 

Neil doesn’t say anything as Andrew gets up and walks into the bathroom, grabbing a spare change of clothes on his way. He comes out in a t-shirt and sleeping pants and a towel to wipe up what Neil left on the hardwood. 

“We should talk about it,” Neil says. “My plan. What’s coming,” 

Andrew climbs into bed, not hating how close Neil is. 

“In the morning,” Andrew says, feeling Neil’s warmth leech over. 

“Okay,” Neil says. 

It’s quiet until they fall alseep. 

 

————————————————

 

Neil swings his legs to to side of the bed. He turns around to look at Andrew still half asleep. 

He’s beautiful in the pink morning light, blinking his eyes open, looking more at peace then Neil’s ever seen him. 

“Where are you going?” Andrew asks, voice clear for still waking up. 

“I need to talk to Allison,” Neil says standing up. 

“Hey,” Andrew says. Neil turns around. Andrew gestures closer. Neil lets himself be pulled closer, getting back on the bed and scooting closer. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks. 

“Yes,” Neil says, leaning into kiss him. It’s short but it means so much. Neil’s grinning when he pulls away. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Andrew grumbles. 

“Okay,” Neil says, even as he refuses to school his features. Andrew rolls his eyes. 

Neil laughs as he hops off the bed and heads out the door. 

He’s quiet as he makes his way upstairs, peeking into the first door to find Jean and Renee sleeping on separate beds, but facing each other like they fell asleep talking. Neil quietly closes the door, letting the sleep on. 

He finds what he’s looking for when he opens the second door. 

Kevin and Allison are asleep, thankfully clothes, tangled into each other. Allison’s leg is thrown over the low of Kevin’s stomach and her head rests on his chest. His arm is slung arounf her from where he’s sleeping on his back. They look so comfortable, Neil can’t help but wonder if there’s something more then a hook up happening here. 

“Hey,” Neil says softly, reaching to shake Allison. 

She wakes up easily, looking at him with confusion. 

“Neil?” She asks, voice sleep rough. 

“What’s wrong,” Kevin asks, still mostly asleep. 

“Nothing,” Neil tells him. “I need to talk to Allison. Go back to sleep,” 

“Kay,” Kevin says, trusting him even in his sleep, before turning over and snuggling into the bed. 

Allison sits up. “You okay?” 

“Yeah I just needed to tell you I’m sorry,” 

Allison looks confused. 

“Should we?” She asks, gesturing to the door. 

“No, it takes a lot to walk him up,” Neil shakes his head. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed, and she shuffled closer to him. 

“Why are you sorry?” Allison asks. Then clears her throat. “What time is is?” 

“It’s still early,” Neil says. “I just wanted to apologize for taking our Seth’s killers. I told you I’d let you help, but it all happened to fast,” 

“Neil, no,” Allison says, her voice turning from raw from sleep to raw from emotion. “I don’t care about that. I just care that you're safe.” 

“But I said you could-“ he starts arguing. 

“I know. And I’m glad they are dead,” she says savagely. “But more then anything else, I’m glad your safe. You had no idea how worried we were. I thought Andrew was going to murder Kevin and Jean,” 

“I-“ Neil tries. But nothing comes out. He wasn’t expecting this. He was expecting anger and fury for not letting her get revenge. But she just looks at him softly, concerned. 

“I found peace Neil. With his death, with my life without him. I miss him, everyday. But I know what he was,” Allison says. She doesn’t have any makeup on, and her blue eyes catch the pink morning light across her face. “All I want for you is to find peace too. And if you need to make sure certain people are out of the picture to feel that, then I understand. But I want you to find it, no matter what,” 

“I think-“ Neil once again brings himself to a stop. He swallows. He doesn’t want to say it, afraid to jinx what he’s started to find. But he takes a deep breath and says it anyway. “I think I’m starting to find it,” 

“Good,” she says, smiling like she means it. She pulls herself up so that she’s sitting, leaning into him. 

He lets himself stay there until the pink light turns yellow. He sighs, standing up. 

“Where are you going,” Allison asks, letting him pull away. 

“For a run,” he tells her. She nods, getting up with him. 

“I’ll come with,” she says. 

“Okay,” he says. She digs through her suitcase, grabbing workout clothes before heading to the bathroom. 

Kevin moves turning to face Neil. Neil surprised to find him awake. 

“I’m proud of you, little brother,” Kevin says, so earnest it hurts. He reaches a hand out so that it’s on top of Neil’s. 

“Thanks,” Neil says clearing his throat. Kevin squeezes his hand then lets go. 

“You and Allison, huh?” Neil can help but ask. Kevin looks thrown by the question for a second. 

“Yeah,” he says, like he’s realizing it as he’s saying. “I think so,” 

“And Thea?” Neil asks 

“It’s not the same,” Kevin says, reaching up to touch the two on his cheek. 

“Yeah,” Neil agrees. After everything, he’s not sure that anything can be the same. “You should tell her,” 

“I will,” Kevin agrees. 

“I, ah,” Neil starts then takes a deep breath. “I love you,” 

Kevin smiles. “I love you too,” 

Kevin says it easily. 

“You ready?” Allison asks, popping back into the room in leggings and a tank top. “Yeah,” Neil says. He grabs Kevin’s hand, giving it another squeeze before he follows her out of the room. 

The rest of the vacation passes quickly, dats spent surrounded by his whole family, laughing and drinking. Nights spent huddled close to Andrew, lips touching, hands roaming. 

He tries to bring up his plan to take down Ichirou, but Andrew just shakes his head. 

Until the last night when Neil insists. 

“I need you to know,” Neil says, sitting across from Andrew on the bed. 

Andrew says nothing, just gestures for Neil to continue. 

“There’s a meeting, the day after the championship game. They are using the game as cover. The old lord is going to die anyway, and Ichirou’s first real act as the new lord is going to be crowning me as the official new butcher. He’s expecting some gumblings, people won’t be thrilled he’s braking the no nepotism rule, so he’s letting me bring Hatford people in,” 

Andrew nods, showing he’s following along. 

“In the meantime, I want all of the people the foxes have ever cared about invited to the game, then after it’s over I want all of them to leave together. When they get to the stadium they are going to stay there. Hatford people will be there, making sure everyone is safe. And I’ll take care of Ichirou,” 

“We’ll take care of Ichirou,” Andrew insists. Neil swallows the lump in his throat before letting himself be dragged into a kiss after a soft yes. 

The night passes the same as the rest of the nights have passed, Neil and Andrew in bed, giving each other what they’ve never given anyone else. 

The only difference is, that this time, after Andrew’s asleep, Neil’s still awake looking at him, nervous and tending himself up for the worst. 

Andrew has to be left behind. 

There’s no world in which Neil takes Andrew to the final showdown with Ichirou. 

He can’t risk losing him. 

But Neil knows, there’s no world in which Andrew lets Neil go in his own. 

He hates lying to him. 

But Neil will do whatever it takes for Andrew to survive. 

And that’s the thought that gives him enough peace to fall asleep. 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!   
> And thanks to everyone who welcomed me back, it means a lot!!!  
> I love writing and I have so much fun writing this and I just hope you liked it!   
> Thanks again, and let me know what you thought!!!!!


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